Trailer: We are what we are

I am a bit obsessed with Cannibals right now thanks to just finishing Off Season and Offspring by Jack Ketchum. This film looks amazing, I can't wait to see it. 

April Fools Day 2008: I spent 3 bucks for this?

I just can't resist a horror film priced at $3.00.  Especially a horror film that is a remake of one of my favorite slumber party films from the eighties.  The original April Fool's Day came out in 1986, and I must have seen it 30 times at various slumber parties of my youth.  It holds a special place in my heart.  Yes, it's a crap film, but it was my special crap film.  If I watched it today I am sure I would mourn my misspent youth.  I already do that enough so I am not going to watch it.  Instead, I watched this straight to DVD "film" (term used loosely)

I couldn't even find any good stills from the film it is so bad.  This is a "remake" in name only.  Different characters, different setting.  Michell Altieri and Phil Flores, better known as The Butcher Brothers (great name I have to admit) directed, and Taylor Cole (hot chick in red dress) and Scout Taylor-Compton star.  Cole plays Desiree Cartier, a spoiled Southern rich girl who is thowing a coming out party for Taylor-Compton's Torrance (another great name!  Why hasn't this taken off like Madison?)  The real purpose of this party is to humilate another rich girl, whose name I didn't write down (I think it's Milan.  Lets just go with that.)  See, its April Fools, and they are going to play a prank on her.  The prank goes horribly wrong, and someone dies.  Cut to a year later, and the main players at the party begin to be hunted down by an unseen killer.  Desiree and her brother, Blaine (really?) try to find the killer before they become the next victims!  As you may have alread guessed, there is a twist at the end that you would have to be blind not to see.  It is the same twist as the original film but instead of being awesome (if you are 13) it is lame.
I was sort of interested in seeing this because Jennifer Siebel, Gavin Newsom's wife, is also in it.  She made the right career choice by becoming the Mayor's wife.  The acting is pretty awful and the characters are totally unlikable (I at least like having someone to root for.  No luck here.)  There is no blood and no boobs.  Not that you need either one of those things for a horror film, but if you are attempting a souless cash grab such as this, those things help.  There was exactly one thing I liked about this film.  The main character, Desiree, wears these stilletto heel boots throughout most of the film, except in the scene where she is trying to outrun the killer in the parking garage.  The filmmakers actually put her in black tennis shoes with knee-high black socks so that she could run easier, and assumed the audience wouldn't notice.  You can see her shoe laces!!  Did she change before the chase?  It's great.  It was almost worth the 3 bucks I paid for this film.  Now, off to watch Glee.  Enjoy this trailer for the original film.

Trailer: Hysterical Psycho

Hysterical Psycho - Trailer
Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.
Our buddy Ariel is in this... I have no idea when it comes out (Halloween maybe?) but the trailer looks great! In other news, review of The Butcher Brother's April Fools Day coming soon.  I know, contain your excitement.

Teaser: The Human Centipede II

I don't know about "the sickest film ever made" but sewing 12 people together ass to mouth is pretty messed up. I cannot believe they are trying to make a franchise out of this, but they are!

Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural

Run, little girl! Innocence is in peril tonight!

With a tag line like that how could you not love Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural.  Sometimes films appear on my Netflix Queue and I have no idea how they got there.  Such is the case with this 1973 film directed by Richard Blackburn.  And despite what the Netflix envelope says, this film is not as salacious as it sounds.  It is vaguely disturbing and weird however, with dark undercurrents that give you an "ick" feeling long after the film has ended. 

Cheryl Smith (who was 17 at the time of filming) plays 13 year old Lila Lee, a young girl whose gangster Father just killed her Mother.  Lila is taken in by a church, whose parishioners are all women, and whose Reverend (played by Blackburn) obviously has some issues.  Lila receives a mysterious letter one night from a woman who claims to be taking care of her dying Father.  He wants to see Lila one more time, so Lila sneaks away from the church to find him.   Thus begins her descent into adulthood/hell.

This film really is about the loss of innocence.  Every step of the way Lila is thrust into an adult world of leering men, violence, sex, zombies, and Lesbian Vampires.  It is not as great as it sounds.  This is a slow moving film, with lots of running around in the dark and bad make-up.  Lesley Gilb, as Lemora, the Vampire Queen, is a saving grace.  Her performance is very strange.  Is she good or evil?  Is she a "mother" figure or a predator?  She glides through the film as if she was given no clear direction but it works!  The film also looks great.  It is a period piece, set during prohibition, and it feels very authentic.  The ending is a little disjointed, as is the rest of the film, but it is worth checking out.  It is a PG rated horror film, but it is not at all for children.

Loves: Werner Herzog

One of my few "non-horror" obsessions is Werner Herzog (although he is a little creepy.)  IFC films just bought the North American distribution rights to Herzog's newest documentary, Caves of Forgotten Dreams.  The film is about the Chauvet-pont-d'Arc caves in Southern France.  And it is filmed in 3D!  Take that Piranha!  Below enjoy Herzog talking about what he found in the caves...



I loves me some Werner Herzog.

Brewster Rockit

You know how I love Lio, but I also love Brewster Rockit.. check it out at: http://www.gocomics.com/brewsterrockit

Insidious

Recieved this in my mailbox this morning. I usually skip the "clips" but I had to watch this one due to my unexplainable affection for James Wan and Leigh Whannell. And it looks good. Good cast, great clip. Lets just hope Insidious opens at a theatre near you.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

OMFG!  I finally saw a movie!  In an actual theatre!  I wasn't about to miss Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D, a film actually FILMED in 3D (I am of the camp that all others, meaning things converted, suck, with the exception of Piranha 3D which made up for the shitty 3D with lots of gore.)  Where was I?  Yes, I went to go see the newest in the successful, against all odds, Resident Evil franchise.  Why successful against the odds?  Because most movies based on video games suck.  And although many may argue that these films also suck, in my humble opinion, they don't.  I LOVE them.  I love that they are shown on the "Lifetime" network.  I love Milla Jovovich and the awesome outfits she wears.  I love the shitty CGI.  I love guessing what "survivor" is going to die first.  These films are like crack to me.

Afterlife picks up where Extinction left off.  Alice and her clones are going after the "Umbrella" Corporation, the evil entity behind all the destruction.  The original Alice loses her powers (a plot point that goes nowhere) and makes her way to "Arcadia" to hook up with Claire and the rest of the survivors.  She finds only Claire, who has had her memory erased.  They take off in search of other survivors and end up at a Maximum Security Prison in the middle of L.A. (as you do.) 

Much the film involves their attempt to escape the prison and the hordes of Zombies waiting for them outside.  Yes Virginia, there are Zombies in this film.  There is one big bad Zombie that carries some kind of ax/meat tenderizer.  He is pretty cool, as are the fight scenes, some of which blatantly rip off The Matrix. But that's OK.  That film came out what... 20 years ago?  Feels like it.

If you love the Resident Evil films and squeal with delight when you see one playing on "Lifetime," you will love this one.  I really did.  And I am so happy that I didn't read much about it before going in.  There is a "surprise" at the end that made me very happy.  Stay for the credits, but only if you have seen all of the other films, otherwise the cameo won't make sense.

Trailer: Hereafter

Alright, this is not horror, so to speak, but it looks very interesting.

Trailer: Saw 3D

Cheeseball!

Additional thoughts on the Last House remake

Hey everyone!  Just got back from Vegas.  Sorry there have been no posts in a while.  See, I live in the dark ages and do not have constant access to email or computers.  Amazingly, I survived.  Before I left, out of sheer boredom, I re-watched The Last House on the Left remake from 2009

I am on record as not liking this unnecessary remake.  I felt it was pointless.  The characters of the parents were not well drawn, and as usual I was rooting for the girl to die.  Only the villains were somewhat interesting, as they usually are.  What bothered me about this film is that Stephen King LOVED it.  I mean, he practically named it the best picture of the year.  I love and respect King so I thought I would give it another try.  Well, I still didn't care for it, but I did notice something about it that I had missed before.  It looks like a Sofia Coppola movie.  I swear, the music, the photography, the lingering shots of young women staring off into space....  The Last House on the Left is what a Sofia Coppola horror film would look like.  Watch a double feature of Last House and The Virgin Suicides and see if you don't agree.

By the way, thanks to Cynniegurl at never sleeps again for the awesome award!  You rock!

The Walking Dead: The scary trailer

Loves this trailer! The Comic-con one was almost a bit too much for me..this brings the chills. Lucky thing I am an old lady and don't party on Halloween night any longer. No way am I going to miss this.

Why the web was invented....

Sorry, no real post yet..still in Dexterville and now headed off to Vegas. I am going on the Haunted Vegas tour so I will try to bring back some ghosts. In the meantime, enjoy this stupid/awesome video.

James Mason day

Sorry there have been no proper posts for a while.  I am watching Dexter Season 4.  Promise, I will watch a proper movie soon!  In the meantime, head over to The Drunked Severed Head and celebrate this awesome new holiday.  My favorite impression is done by the hot guy from Mad Men...