Zombies are Magic!

Shark Night 3D: watched in 2D

2012-01-29T18:28:00.000-08:00

Yikes, this movie got a lot of flak when it came out. Now, I see a lot of bad movies, and trust me: Shark Night 3D isn't THAT bad. I saw some bunny themed slasher movie on CHILLER the other night that was so bad I couldn't even finish watching it. When I can't enjoy watching a bunch of college kids get slaughtered in the woods THAT IS BAD. Shark Night 3D isn't so bad.

Not saying it's good either. Unfortunately it came out after the incredible, the awesome, the so bad it's genius Piranha 3D. Both films have a lot in common. Killer sea life where it shouldn't be (a lake), hot young students served up as fish food, hillbillies. Difference is, Shark Night 3D is 100% without humor. Or boobs. Or gore. Or a sensible plot. So you are not up all night wondering what Shark Night could be about, let me explain...

A bunch of Tulane University kids decided to spend the weekend at Sara's lake house. Sara (Sara Paxton, who I like: she is a good final girl) is from a rich family, and they own a private island somewhere in Louisiana. Sara hasn't been to the lake house in 3 years. This could have something to do with her crazy ex boyfriend who almost let her drown, so she ran over his face with a propeller. He lived, and he is a hillbilly. This ex and a bunch of his hillbilly friends decide to make a fortune by introducing sharks to the lake, strapping cameras to their heads, and feeding them college students. Their brilliant plan is to sell this "extreme shark week" footage to the highest bidder. No one ever said hillbillies ever came up with good ideas. These hillbillies aren't even cannibals! Jeez.

So that it the movie. Most of the kills are off camera so there is very little gore. The characters are horrible (except this guy, who seeks vengeance on a shark by stabbing it with a spear. It turns out it was the wrong shark, but it was a Hammerhead, which is pretty cool.), and the plot is re-dick-u-lous. But, I didn't spend $15 bucks in the theatre to see the crappy 3D. I spent $1.99 on a 5 day rental. All in all I am pretty happy and should be able to go on with my life. Thank goodness this movie tanked: I wouldn't want to sit through Shark Night 2 3D: More Crap.

The Invisible Man 1933

2012-01-28T21:52:00.000-08:00

The Invisible Man is a no brainer. It's classic Universal Horror, directed by James Whale, stars Claude Rains (one of my favorites) and has amazing special effects by John P. Fulton, John J. Mescall, and Frank D. Williams. I had not seen it in years. Unlike the other Universal heavyweights (Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolfman) it is not on my yearly rotation. Thanks to TCM (again) I finally watched it again last night.

What struck me about The Invisible Man was how scary it is. I mean, how scary is the thought of a homicidal maniac that is invisible? I don't care what anyone says, it's not the "monocane". Dr. Jack Griffin must have been somewhat crazy to begin with. You don't just turn invisible and decide to become a mass murderer for shits and giggles.

Dr. Griffin's great idea is to terrorize a fellow colleague, poor Dr. Kemp, into becoming his mass murdering Igor. When Dr. Kemp decides enough is enough and calls the police, Griffin vows to kill him at 10pm the next day. This is where the terror lies in this film. Knowing an invisible monster has a vendetta against you, and has vowed to kill you, no matter what. What on earth can protect you? Well, the cops come up with some pretty good ideas for "unmasking" the invisible man, but Griffin is a genius, a mad genius. Dr. Kemp's days are numbered when he goes off by himself.

James Whale had a "thing" for the sympathetic monster. Certainly Frankenstein's monster fit this mold. Whale and the screenwriters made a few changes to H.G. Wells' story to make Griffin more sympathetic. In my mind Griffin is the least sympathetic of Whale's monsters. Perhaps it's Claude Rains. His voice is sooo evil. Perhaps its the joy he takes in killing. Even when he "calms down" in the presence of Flora (Gloria Stuart) I don't completely trust him. And what the hell is with Flora? Is Claude Rains that good in the sack that she is willing to overlook the fact that he is an invisible killer? And why is her Father, Dr. Cranley, so protective of this murdering lunatic? Is that whole family just totally crazy?

While watching The Invisible Man I kept thinking of one of my favorite guilty pleasures, The Hollow Man. Kevin Bacon is crazy in that film! But for my money, I'll take Claude Rains for my nightmares.

The Town that Dreaded Sundown

2012-01-28T14:37:00.000-08:00

TCM has really been delivering lately in terms of Horror programming (Thank you Mr. Turner). I recently had the chance to catch The Town that Dreaded Sundown, which might be the best title for a horror film EVER. But let me back up: The Town that Dreaded Sundown isn't really a horror film. It's more along the lines of Zodiac. I mean, it's really along the lines of Zodiac. Both films are based on true unsolved murders. Both follow the Detectives (in the case of The Town that Dreaded Sundown, the Barney Fife type country bumpkins) who are trying to catch a masked serial killer. Both films show how the murders terrorized the citizens of the respective communities.

Released in 1976 by AIP, The Town that Dreaded Sundown introduced us to one of the first masked killers. Known as "The Phantom Killer", this madman stalked and killed couples on Lover's Lanes in the Texarkana area in the late 1940s. He may have served as an inspiration for the real life "Zodiac" killer. The film, directed by Charles B. Pierce (who plays the bumbling Fife-like "Spark plug") is told documentary style, with a voice over narrator introducing us to characters and giving us a bit of back story.

This technique gave the film the feel of those educational reels we used to watch in school (if you are over 35 you know what I am talking about). But instead of "and that was the first and last time that Johnny smoked pot" we get "despite the murders, the stupid kids of Texarkana continued to park on lonely country roads and get killed in horrible ways."

This film is a weird, not always successful mix of docudrama, horror, and comedy. Seven it ain't. But it does have a lot of charm. From Ben Johnson as Texas Ranger J.D. Morales to Dawn Wells (from Gilligan) as one of the few survivors of the Phantoms attacks, The Town that Dreaded Sundown is worth a look, especially if you like to get creeped out on real life horror. "The Phantom Killer", much like the "Zodiac", was never caught. He could have been killed or thrown in jail, or he could be an old man in a rest home, watching his story on TCM. One never knows....

Why don't you go after Ginger!

Dahmer 2002

2012-01-23T19:24:00.000-08:00

Dahmer, from 2002 and starring Jermey Renner, is not really a horror film, although there are horrific elements in it (duh). It is more of an arty docu-drama. Or, an episode of BIOGRAPHY directed by Sophia Coppola. Meaning it's slow and there are a lot of shots of people looking and sighing.

The film, which is a combo of present day and flashback, rests solely on Jeremy Renner's performance, and his performance is amazing. He is really, really creepy. Beyond that, the film doesn't tell us much about Dahmer besides the fact that he had a controlling father (Bruce Davidson) and a drinking problem. Already knew that from BIOGRAPHY.

The whole film looks like a 70's porno which adds to the creep factor. The flashbacks, which progressively go further back in time until we see Dahmer's first kill, are very disturbing. More disturbing however are the "present" day scenes, where Dahmer is trying to kill a young man he lured into his apartment. It is sad and frustrating that the young man doesn't get the hint that Dahmer is a FREAK. The young man is so desperate for affection he sees a kindred spirit in Dahmer. What he doesn't know is that there is a head in the freakin' freezer! Get out dude!

Like I said, the only thing I recommend this film for is Renner's performance. If you have some sort of thing for Jermey Renner (not saying I do.....but I do) it is worth seeing. There is not a lot of gore, but the film did make me uncomfortable. But Sophia Coppola's films make me feel uncomfortable too so there you go.

Happy Belated Birthday Edgar Allan Poe!

2012-01-20T10:07:00.000-08:00

I didn't really forget... I just forgot to post anything. With great sadness I report that it looks like the great tradition of the Edgar Allan Poe "toaster" has officially ended. Check out the story at the Washington Post: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/arts-post/post/edgar-allan-poe-toaster-tradition-is-no-more/2012/01/19/gIQAOQUBBQ_blog.html

Maybe someday another person will take up the mantle.

For those of you who love Poe there is a wealth of really good animation out there based on his poems. I particularly like this one: James Mason narrates! Enjoy......

Rare book review: Harbor

2012-01-19T22:52:00.000-08:00

My rare book reviews are becoming not so rare anymore. You haven't heard from me in while because I have been trying to finish John Ajvide Lindqvist's massive Harbor. Lindqvist is the author of Let the right one in and Handling the Undead. He is the hottest export from Sweden since Stieg Larsson (by the way, I just saw David Fincher's version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Is is horrible to admit I liked it better than the Swedish version? I did. A couple of reasons. Although she annoys me, Rooney Mara does an excellent job as Lisbeth. You really believe she may be psychotic. I also loved the score but that has more to do with me being totally obsessed with Trent Reznor than anything else. Finally, the opening credit sequence is bananas!)

Confession. I read Let the right one in, but I never read Handling the Undead, which I hear is very good. I only have Let the right one in to compare Harbor to. And that is tough, because in my humble opinion, Let the right one in is a masterpiece. Harbor, not so much.

Things start well. Our hero, Anders, grew up on the island of Domaro. Most people on the island, including his father, earned their living from the sea. As an adult Anders returns to his father's cottage with his wife Cecilia and his precocious 6 year old daughter Maja. During a visit to the lighthouse, Maja disappears, never to be found. The tragedy destroys Anders and Cecilia's marriage and turns him into a not so functioning alcoholic.

A few years later, Anders returns to Domaro. He is haunted by the memory of his daughter. Soon, he becomes haunted by something much more sinister. Trying to help Anders is Simon, his Grandmother's boyfriend. Simon is a former magician who settled on the island. Simon harbors a few secrets himself, not the least of which is a slimy slug that he keeps in a matchbox in his pocket. This slug, called the "spiritus", needs Simon's saliva to survive. It also controls water, which is a handy trick on an island.

Simon and Anders discover that everyone keeps secrets on this island, and little Maja is not the first to disappear. Anders begins a quest to find his daughter, whom he believes is another prisoner of Domaro.

Lindqvist has been called Sweden's Stephen King. I didn't see the connection when I read Let the right one in, but I do with Harbor. Like King, Lindqvist is a master of communicating a sense of place, not only geographical (although at the end of this book I felt I could navigate Domaro with no problem) but a sense of place with people. As King does with so many of his novels, Lindqvist really creates a world that you feel you grew up in. You get to know every character, and how the land they grew up on shaped who they became. I welcomed every flashback, as it gave me a better sense of Domaro and the fascinating characters that inhabit it.

The sea is as much a character here as the island and its inhabitants. The sea gives life and prosperity, but it also demands an unthinkable toll. Reading Harbor I was not only reminded of King, but of H.P. Lovecraft and his Old Ones. There is evil lurking in the sea, and it is not until the end that is shows itself. It has the same respect for humans as Lovecraft's Gods do.

So where does Harbor go wrong? It sounds pretty good so far, right? I get the feeling that Lindqvist lost interest about halfway through the book. The ideas are interesting but the execution is lacking. I hate to say it but I didn't quite understand the ending. I had to go back and reread the last 30 pages just to make sure I didn't miss anything. There is no emotional payoff, and the characters themselves don't even seem to be too interested in what has occurred. My favorite character, Simon, gets pushed to the side and Anders just starts to piss me off. At the end I really didn't care whether or not he found Maja. I was so disappointed that a book I really enjoyed for the first 300 pages turned into such a disapointment.

I am am looking forward to Lindqvist's next book. He is an excellent writer. I just hope the next one ends as well as this one began. Now I am going to watch Let the right one in, which I did enjoy much more than the American remake. Why don't you enjoy the opening credits for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

2012-01-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

I literally have nothing to say about this film except that it is AWESOME! It is my favorite Shaun of the Dead type film since........Shaun of the Dead. If you love Deliverance, Wrong Turn, The Hills have Eyes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Offspring, or ANY of the Friday the 13th opus, you will love Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. It is on Netflix streaming. What is stopping you?

OK, it could have used some cannibalism. My only complaint. You know how I love Hillbilly cannibals.

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!

2012-01-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

Don't be sad good buddy! It's Friday the 13th!!!!

Give Blue a chance....

2012-01-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks TMZ!

Day of the Dead 1985: Revisited

2012-01-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

Many thanks to ZOMBIEPEDIA for background info on Day of the Dead. Check it out for all of your zombie related needs!

My local Rasputin's Music and DVD store just closed and I was lucky enough to snatch up a treasure trove of horror discs including George A Romero's Day of the Dead. Of course I had seen Day before. It is part of the Holy Trilogy after all (the other Holy Trilogy.)

Like many others, Day of the Dead has been my least favorite of the first three dead films (of the total 6, my least favorite was and is Survival of the Dead. Maybe in 20 years I will like it, but I doubt it.) By "least favorite" I don't mean I ever disliked it: it just wasn't as scary as Night of the Living Dead or as awesome as Dawn of the Dead (do I have to explain why Dawn is awesome? I don't think so!) Day has it's charms, mainly Joe Pilato's crazy performance, Tom Savini's makeup and gore, and, of course, Bub.

Who doesn't love Bub? What an amazing performance by Howard Sherman (aka Sherman Howard) and incredible make-up by Savini. Bub is the first Zombie I have ever rooted for!

Day is claustrophobic, gloomy, and surreal. From the setting, an underground bunker that is still half rock, to the cavern of Zombies, separated from the survivors by a wooden fence, the world of Day a tomb. The inhabitants, a mix of scientists and military types, rightly worry that they may be the last survivors. They are also totally crazy or halfway there.

Day would seem to suggest that there is little hope for humanity. Indeed, the real monsters here are the power hungry Rhodes and the delusional Dr. Logan (aka Frankenstein), who has given up trying to "cure" the Zombies and instead is trying to tame them.

Yes, strangely enough, Day of the Dead has a pretty optimistic ending. Sarah, the final girl, escapes with the two remaining non crazy people in the bunker and ends up on a tropical beach. True, they are not out of danger, but it beats having to hang out with Joe Pilato! Romero has called Day his favorite of the first three Dead films. Although I can't quite agree with him on this one, I do have to say I found it scary and compelling. I like what he does with Bub and the whole Frankenstein angle. The sense of claustrophobia and doom are overwhelming at times (my favorite part of Zombie films) and I think the performances are really good, particularly Sherman, Lori Cardille (Sarah) and Terry Alexander (John, the new Flyboy.) Then there is Joe Pilato: crazier and scarier than any Zombie! I really love him in this film: especially when he yells "choke on em" as he is being ripped apart!

Go Bub!!! I wonder: could he really have lived that long after being pulled apart? And what is Pilato made of? Jelly?

Happy New Year! and: The Howling.

2012-01-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! Or as some like to think of it: Happy End of Days! Whatever your preference I hope 2012 is a good one. I am not one to be sentimental but I am pretty sure 1/1/12 was the 5 year anniversary of my blogging career! Yes, what started out of sheer boredom and a way to distract myself from a wicked hangover has become become my number one hobby! So thank you kind readers who put up with my misspellings and lazy dependence on swear words to express emotion! I hope to bring you much more horror in the years to come!

And now on to another well plotted and structured review (not really). Fangoria recently did a two issue spread on Joe Dante's The Howling, also known as the "the film usually overshadowed by An American Werewolf in London". Both films came out the same year (1981), both share a similar theme (Werewolf! There! Wolf!), both are infused with humor (John Landis, better known for comedy, directed An American Werewolf in London), and both feature kick ass special effects!! Yet, The Howling is treated like Werewolf's less attractive little sister! I am guilty of thinking this as well. In fact, I can't say with certainty I had ever seen The Howling before. I remember the weird sequel with the marsupials, but I don't remember the original. Thanks to Fangoria I have remedied this situation and and I can proudly say that that An American Werewolf in London IS a better picture! But The Howling is pretty damn good as well.

"I am prettier than David Naughton"

Karen White (Dee Wallace) is a television journalist about to uncover the identity of a notorious serial killer. When the big reveal doesn't go quite as planned, Karen suffers a bout of post-traumatic stress disorder. The television station's psychologist (?) recommends that she spend a few days at "The Colony," his retreat center set in the woods. Karen heads out there with her husband Bill.

Who drives like this?

Meanwhile, Karen's friend and co-worker Terri (Belinda Balaski) researches the life of Eddie Quist, the serial killer now presumed dead. This is old school research, before the Internet! They actually go to a bookstore! Terri and her producer boyfriend Chris (Dennis Dugan) discover that Eddie may have been a werewolf! Meanwhile, Karen discovers that her husband is probably sleeping with the local whore Marsha (Elizabeth Brooks) and that everyone at The Colony may be a werewolf!!! Coincidence? I think not!!

Cut to Rob Bottin's transformation sequence. If you read this blog regularly you know I LOVE Rob Bottin! And his work here is amazing! The sequence is similar to Rick Baker's work in An American Werewolf in London but not as famous. I think the transformation is better in Werewolf. The makeup is incredible, Landis shot it perfectly, and David Naughton sold the hell out of it. But don't discount The Howling. Bottin is a genius, and I was surprised at how effective the transformation was, especially the final one at the end.

The Howling, although not really scary, has a lot going for it. There is a great chase sequence in the middle, some nice gore, and plenty of sight gags and cameos to keep a horror hound interested. My favorites include cameos by Roger Corman and Forrest J. Ackerman, and bit parts played by horror heroes such as Dick Miller (Bucket of Blood) and John Carradine (practically every horror film ever made.) When you watch it, keep an eye open for the numerous "wolf" references Dante scattered throughout the film. Next, I watch the sequel, which I think is the one with the marsupials and I know is the one with an interesting closing credit sequence.

Pet Sematary revisited

2011-12-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

First I play with Judd, then Mommy came, and I play with Mommy. We play Daddy! We had a awfully good time! Now, I want to play with YOU!

There are many, many reasons I love Pet Sematary, the incredible cast, including Fred Gwynne as the curmudgeon Jud Crandall, is one of them.

He reminds me so much of Jimmy Stewart in this film. Who else could utter the line "Sometimes, dead is bettah" not once but three times and sell it like he was reciting Shakespeare?

I also love Brad Greenquist as Victor (the friendly ghost) Pascow. Much like the Griffin Dunne character in An American Werewolf in London, the decaying, gory Victor tries to get the Creed family to do the right thing, but is limited by his undead situation. To bad he wasn't a ghost from American Horror Story. Those ghosts have no problem interfering with the humans, be it fucking or killing them. The dead in Pet Sematary, at least the ghostly dead, are much to refined for that.

Speaking of the dead, they are represented three ways in Pet Sematary. There is the ghostly dead, like Victor, and then there is the remembered dead, like the horrible Zelda. Nothing more than a frightening memory for the doomed Rachel Creed, Zelda has become a horror icon. I remember when I first saw the film as a teenager it was Zelda who scared me more than anything in this film. She adds depth to the Rachel Creed character, and her story also adds to the overall theme of death and loss that permeates this film. Grief, guilt, and emptiness are the results of death in Pet Sematary. Dr. Creed feels guilty that he cannot save Victor Pascow. He feels guilt that Church, the family pet, died on his watch. Rachel is tourtured by her guilt over the death of Zelda, the sister whose death she wished for. And finally, when the ultimate tragedy hits the Creed family, grief and emptiness spur Dr. Creed to do the most horrible, desperate thing.....

The third way the dead are represented in this film is the resurrected dead. Jud, trying to be helpful, tells Dr. Creed (Dale Midkiff, always kind of creepy yet sympathetic) about the old Indian Burial Ground above the Pet Sematary. Things buried there don't stay dead, but as we soon learn the ground has gone sour.

I had not seen this film since I was a teenager, and watching it as an adult I experienced it very differently. I found the film much more sad than horrific. From the little girl learning what death really is, to Rachel and her tormented memories, to Jud, who wishes for death in many ways, Pet Sematary covers a lot of emotinal ground. Of course, it is poor Dr. Creed, the tragic hero of this piece, that deserves our sympathy. Who wouldn't want to protect his daughter from the pain of losing a beloved pet? Who wouldn't, given the chance, try to bring their child back from the dead? Pet Sematary is a perfect example of everything I love about Stephen King. Great storytelling, horror, emotional depth, and a great payoff. It didn't suprise me that King wrote the screenplay for this. I really think it is one of the best King films. Plus, that Ramones song is so damn good!

Coming Soon: Pet Sematary!

2011-12-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

The Ramones - Pet Sematary by scootaway

I just watched Pet Sematary for the first time since I was a teenager! Until I can get my lazy self to write about it, please enjoy the awesome Ramones singing a song that should have won an Oscar. Really. Try not to have this stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

American Horror Story: Revisited

2011-12-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

When I first watched and reviewed American Horror Story I was highly critical of it. It seemed like horror made by people who really didn't have an idea of what was scary. Characters, scenes, and even music were borrowed from various horror films and inserted into what seemed to be a family drama.

Well as time went on I fell in love with the show. I loved the horror film references, I loved the completely fucked up family, and I loved Jessica Lange's performance as Constance, the ultimate survivor.

American Horror Story in many ways was a truly brave show. Not only for some of the crazy things Ryan Murphy and Co. put on the screen, but for the twists and turns and the absolute delight they took in killing off anyone at anytime!

Central to the series were two relationships. Vivian and Ben, the married couple dealing with infidelity and heartbreaking loss. There was also Violet, Vivian and Ben's depressed daughter, and her relationship with the psychotic but looking for redemption Tate. The arc of both of these relationships plays out beautifully throughout the series and is really the heart of the show.

Then of course there are the ghosts. As the series progressed it reminded me more and more of Clive Barker's Coldheart Canyon. The ghosts, trapped in this prison of a house, make a society amongst themselves. I loved that the last episode was kind of a "Grand Roll Call" of all of the house's otherworldly inhabitants.

Speaking of the finale, I loved it. I am reading that some people are upset. They feel that it doesn't answer enough questions. Personally, I don't have any questions left. People that deserve to be alone are alone, and people that deserve to be happy are happy. I found it very satisfying and I love that Constance is raising the Anti-Christ. She is perfect for it!

Ryan Murphy today announced that the next season would take place in a new location with a new cast and that each season would be a self contained story examining some other aspect of America Horror (except Vampires!) This has also pissed off some people. Again, I love it! As long as he keeps the show brave, gory, and shocking I will watch!

For more info check out this article at DListed.

http://www.dlisted.com/2011/12/22/spoiler-alert-whos-coming-back-season-2-american-horror-story

I love Michael K's writing. Full of swear words and all over the place! A bit like mine I think!

Coming Soon: Prometheus

2011-12-16T08:32:00.000-08:00

No trailer for Prometheus yet, but we do have this awesome poster! I am Alien geeking out!

Coming Soon: ALVH

2011-12-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

First look at Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I love the posters!

Zombie Comics: Lio

2011-12-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

Merry Creepmas! Silent Night, Bloody Night

2011-12-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

My horror lovin' mind has been blown by what I thought was another throw-a-way holiday slasher film. I am so impressed not because the film is genius... but because it predates and possibly influences Black Christmas, Halloween, When a Stranger Calls, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I had never heard of Silent Night, Bloody Night, and now I feel like it is my duty to spread the gospel!

Let me try to explain the plot: give me a little leeway here because there is an awful lot going on. The film opens on a man who has just set himself of fire. At least, that is what we think until the camera pulls back and we see a mysterious figure playing the organ while the man burns. The burning man is supposedly Wilfred Butler, a rich tycoon. Butler leaves his mansion to his grandson Jeffrey, with the provision that he never sell or change it. Cut to twenty years later. Jeffrey sends his slick lawyer, John Carter (sleaze-a-rific Patrick O'Neal) to negotiate the sale of the house to the town leaders.
Why do the town leaders want to buy the house? Because it is cursed of course! They want to buy it to tear it down. None of this bothers Jeffrey in the least bit: he has never seen the house nor been to the small Massachusetts town where he was born and this tale takes place.

By the way, this poster tells you nothing about the film. When I saw the cover art I thought this might be about a religious cult and the young girl fighting to get away from it. Not so.

So these are the town leaders. You might recognize one of them as John Carradine, awesome old-timey actor who spawned countless other awesome Carradines. Carradine plays a mute newspaper reporter. Didn't make sense to me either, but one of the many reasons this weird film is so endearing.

Back to the crazy plot. The Lawyer seems more interested in banging his hot mistress (played by Astrid Heeren, with all the charisma of a store mannequin) than doing any real work. Carter and the mistress spend the night at the Butler mansion and wouldn't you know it... things don't turn out so well....

Jeffrey shows up and cannot find Carter anywhere. Instead, he finds Diane Adams, daughter of the Mayor and chick from Night of the Comet (Mary Woronov). Diane, like every woman in this film, is not the brightest girl you have ever met. She almost shoots Jeffrey when she first meets him, then spends the rest of the film trying to get him in bed.

Jeffrey and Diane head to the mansion, but keep getting distracted by mute Carradines, abandoned police cars, creepy cemeteries, and revelations about the history of the Butler mansion. Diane discovers that at one point the Butler mansion was an insane asylum, run by Wilfred Butler. Butler's daughter, who is also Jeffrey's mother, was insane. Jeffrey knew none of this, thinking his mother died when he was young. It kind of explains why Jeffrey is so creepy. At one point he kills a bird. Seriously. He kills it just for shits and giggles.

Things get even more goofy when we go to a sepia colored flashback that explains what went down in the house when it was an insane asylum. This long sequence is not to be missed: it is probably the best part of the film.

Back to present time. Turns out a lunatic has escaped from another nearby insane asylum (what is with all the crazies in this town?). One by one the town leaders receive mysterious phone calls from a woman identifying herself as Jeffrey's mother asking them to come to the mansion. One by one the town leaders go missing. Jeffrey gets weirder and weirder and Diane discovers the truth about his lineage. If this is beginning to sound a bit like a V.C.Andrews book then you are on the right track! By the end of this film we have been exposed to betrayal, rape, incest, insanity, bird killing, mysterious phone calls, elder abuse, mute Carradines, death by wine class, possible cannibalism, and gross sex between O'Neal and Heeren. It's a Gothic Christmas insane killer-polooza!

Many elements of this film pop up in Halloween, When a Stranger Calls, and especially Black Christmas. Killers hiding in the house, menacing phone calls, the holiday setting, the house with the past, the prodigal son returning: all chapters taken from Silent Night, Bloody Night. So why isn't this film more well known? Filmed in 1972, it wasn't released until 74, and only then on the drive-in circuit. Now a public domain film, Silent Night, Bloody Night can be found on many horror compilations. Even Elvira has tackled it! It is not as good as Black Christmas or Halloween, but definitely worth checking out if you love those films.

Coming Soon: Silent Night,Bloody Night

2011-12-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder if I am getting too cynical. I just read a review by a blogger I really like of Red State. The blogger loved it. I wanted to tear my eyelashes out while watching it. I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to be one of those reviewers that hates every movie she sees. Just when I was about to give up, I saw a film that was so awesome I was dancing around my living room with joy. The amazing film was Silent Night, Bloody Night. Not Silent Night, Deadly Night, which has its charms, but the lesser known Bloody Night starring a mute John Carradine and the chick from Night of the Comet. I don't have time to write about it now: I must suppress all joy and happiness and go to work, but soon I will. In the meantime, enjoy this trailer. Warning: The trailer gives away a major spoiler. Of course, it is one you could see coming a mile away, but it is best to be forewarned!

Coming soon...

2011-12-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

Head on over to the always excellent Dinner with Max Jenke to get a run down of horror for 2012. I am waiting anxiously for The Woman in Black starring Daniel Radcliffe. I also have a soft spot in my heart for Silent Hill and I am super excited that Sean Bean is in the sequel!!

Red State 2011

2011-12-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

I am a bit confused. I thought Kevin Smith's new film, Red State, was a horror film. Turns out it is not horror at all. It's kind of a drama, sort of a lazy social commentary, resembles a comedy, and aspires to be a thriller. I am not sure what it is besides awful.

OK, perhaps I am being a bit harsh. It's just that I am a little pissed with myself. I had 2 hours to spare today, and I wasted it on this. Red State isn't The Thing 2011 awful, but pretty darn close. It's like there is a good movie in here somewhere, but Kevin Smith is just too past it to draw it out. The number one problem with the film is that it is boring.

The sermon by Michael Parks (whom I love, don't get me wrong) goes on way to long. Parks plays Abin Cooper, a Fred Phelps type preacher who hates homosexuals. Along with his family, Cooper begins to kidnap and kill "sinners", including three horny boys who were hoping to gang-bang one of the churches followers. Cooper rants and raves against the evil-doers for what feels like forever. The problem is that there is no passion in this speech, no sense of foreboding, no outrage. We don't care about the three boys, who really should be dead anyway, and we don't care about the members of the congregation.

When the ATF shows up and turns the whole thing into a Waco type situation, we don't care then either. I thought the film was headed in an interesting direction when trumpets started blazing signaling the end of the world, but that turned out to be just more bullshit. I was so bored with the whole thing I actually started reading The New Yorker. The New Yorker people!!!

I used to love Kevin Smith. I love Clerks and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I was hoping he would do something really interesting with his first "horror" film. Problem is, he forgot he was making a horror film. Badly edited, poorly shot, terrible acting ( I am looking at you John Goodman! Why agree to do a scene with a bluetooth in your ear? It's so distracting!!!). Red State is a failure on all levels. Now I am going to go do what I should have done with my 2 free hours: catch up on Gossip Girl.

Merry Creepmas: Oldies but goodies

2011-12-03T10:38:00.000-08:00

I am sorry that I haven't been able to devote my time to Creepmas like I had hoped to. I did go see the local version of The Nutcracker last night and it was kind of terrifying, but I suppose that doesn't count. I do have a long history of reviewing Holiday Horror films however, so please enjoy some of these oldies but goodies from the archive. Yes, I have an archive.

Christmas Evil

Black Christmas 1974

Black Christmas 2006 (fucking awful)

The Shining: Christmas style

2011-12-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to go see Peaches Christ present The Shining for Christmas! If you are in the Bay Area December 17th I highly suggest you check it out!

The Shining is such a great holiday film. Don't believe me? Check out the trailer....

Merry Creepmas: Day 1

2011-12-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

OMG I can't wait till this month is over! I kid, I actually have more x-mas spirit than last year. Maybe because this year I am embracing Creepmas! Isn't everything a little better with a touch of horror? Since I still haven't actually "watched" anything since all my time is taken with sleep and work, enjoy this classic commercial created in some far away land....

Merry Christmas- I'm over it.

2011-11-30T10:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been so long since I posted anything significant.... Actual work life tends to get in the way of horror watching this time of year. I did stumble across this nice little video to get me in the mood for some holiday mayhem. Thank you Peaches Christ for the heads up...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T10:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! It is 10:30 am my time and I am wondering if it is too early to start drinking. This very well may be the scene at my house later.

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

2011-11-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

It's like an Inbred Cannibal bonanza up in here!!! Who would have thought I would be so lucky to watch so many Inbred Cannibal films in so short a time. First it was The Offspring. Then, last night, I caught the last 20 minutes of Wrong Turn on HBO. That prompted me to run right out and rent Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings. Initially I was a bit worried because I don't think I have seen Wrong Turn 3. Then I figured that at this point it really doesn't matter. They are all the same movie and they are all wonderful to my eyes...

WT4, as it shall henceforth be known, is a prequel. We are introduced to the nasty inbred brothers Three Fingers, One Eye, and Saw Tooth. They are locked away in a Sanatorium for nasty Inbred Cannibals. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Three Fingers, even more so now that I have learned that he cut off and ate his own fingers, hence the nickname. The brothers break out of the Sanatorium and kill the shit out of everyone there. I mean, they really kill the shit out them. Take a look.......

Cut to a few years later. A bunch of idiotic College students are planning a weekend getaway at some remote cabin in the woods. They get lost on while riding their awesome snowmobiles and end up at the abandoned.............Sanatorium!! Which you just know those nasty Inbred Cannibal brothers still live at! Yes, these College idiots are going to get the shit killed out of them!

Watching this film I found myself thinking that it may be the best comedy of the year! The kids are so stupid! They repeatedly make the horror film mistakes of splitting up and having sex. Each and everyone of them are assholes and I was really rooting for the cannibals throughout. The kills are super over the top and the ending had me rolling on the floor laughing. Good times all around.

I may have to take a break from this genre for a while. I don't think it's healthy to watch too many Inbred Cannibal films at once. I once read a book about real life cannibals and I didn't feel right for a long time. My Dad made the astute observation that I probably like this genre because Inbred Cannibals are so close to Zombies. That may be right but I will always choose Zombies. Zombies are so much sweeter.

The Offspring 2009

2011-11-14T20:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I need a good inbred cannibal film to lift my spirits. Naturally, when I saw that IFC was playing Jack Ketchum's The Offspring I got very excited. I only recently got into Jack Ketchum. I have read about 4 of his books and I have appreciated them all. I can't say that I have "enjoyed" them or even "liked" them, and I did need a shower after finishing them. But, they are interesting to me, and they do offer a stress relief of a sort for me, much like inbred cannibal films.

If you have read Ketchum's The Offspring then you pretty much know the movie. It follows the source material pretty closely. Directed by Andrew van den Houten and starring a bunch of unknown actors, The Offspring has a lot of gore, a lot of cannibalism, and a little rape and child killin' thrown in for good measure. I wanted to take a shower after seeing this film.

In other words, The Offspring is not for the faint of heart, much like Ketchum's books. The acting is pretty second rate (with two exceptions) and the pace is a bit off, but the gore is good.

The acting exceptions are Pollyanna McIntosh, who plays the main cannibal. Pollyanna is reprising her role in Lucky McKee's The Woman, which could be considered a sequel of sorts. The other stand out is Art Hindle, who also produced the film...

Art Hindle is one of my favorite character actors and I think he should have had a bigger career. Look how bad ass he looks! Hindle plays the alcoholic ex-cop who investigates the cannibal murders. Hindle has starred in awesome movies and TV shows such as The Invasion of the Body Snatcher, The Brood, Friday the 13th the Series, and Beverly Hills 90210. Most importantly, he starred in the Porky's movies. Damn, I love the Porky's movies. They are one of my top guilty pleasures, along with Flowers in the Attic and Deep Blue Sea. I was very sad when I heard the actor who played the coolest Porky, Tommy Turner, passed away.

R.I.P Wyatt Knight.

This news made me so sad I might need another inbred cannibal film to lift me up.

Zombie Comics: Pardon my Planet

2011-11-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

Vic Lee's Pardon my Planet. Zombies often make a guest appearance.

Paranormal Activity 3

2011-11-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

I almost didn't write this post because I really don't have much to say about Paranormal Activity 3. I know some people loved it but to me it was just more of the same. A prequel of sorts, PA3 shows the haunted sisters Katie and Kristi has little girls. Trouble starts when little Kristi begins talking to an imaginary friend named Toby.

Strange things start to happen around the house and Dennis, the boyfriend of the girl's mother Julie, sets up cameras around the house to figure out exactly what is going on. Yes, pretty much the same set up as the other films.

There are a few things I like about this version. Directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (Catfish) deliver the scares. I particularly like the oscillating fan/camera and the "ghost" who scares the babysitter. I also appreciate the continuity between the films. Katie's boyfriend in the original film looks just like Dennis. The Featherston girls all have the same terrible decorating tastes. What I don't understand is the ending and how it relates to the other films. I don't want to give anything away, but it is clear that the girls are under control of a evil force. I don't understand why they are so "surprised" when bad mojo starts to happen years later. Perhaps PA 4 and 5 will explain this.

I like the Paranormal Activity films but they are beginning to feel like a yearly chore, ala Saw. Maybe they should give it a rest for a few years and then come back and really scare the pants off us.

Rare Book Review: Who Goes There?

2011-11-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

October turned out to be all things Thing for me. I saw the shitty prequel, re-watched the amazing original and the even more amazing Carpenter re-make, survived The Thing haunted attraction at Universal Studios, and finally, read the original short story all of this is based on: Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell Jr.

First appearing in Astounding Stories in 1938, Who Goes There? is a classic tale of fear and paranoia set in Antarctica. Those familiar with Carpenter's film will be familiar with this story: The Thing follows the novella pretty closely. A group of 37 men are doing scientific research in Antarctica when they discover a ship frozen in ice (The Thing prequel released this year actually follows this part of the story.) They also discover the alien pilot, frozen in ice. They take the specimen back to their base and attempt to thaw if out for further research. Bad idea.....

It soon becomes clear to the men that this "thing" is still alive, and able to "imitate" both man and beast. It also is telepathic, an element that is missing from the film. Second in Command McReady (upgraded from pilot) takes over when it becomes clear Commander Garry may be compromised. McReady develops a "test" similar to the one in Carpenter's film. Only during this test, 14 men a proven to be "thing" and they are immediately killed. There is no messing around in this story...

I loved Who Goes There? It is fast paced, scary, and funny as hell. The humor in this story is something I found missing in every filmed version. I don't want to give anything away, but lets just say the ending is a bit more upbeat here than in Carpenter's film. My only complaint is that there are too many characters: it gets a bit hard to keep track. One complaint about Carpenter's film is that there are no women, something the prequel tried to remedy. Well, there are no women in this story either. Just a whole lot of dogs, a lot of hairy stinky men, and one nasty "thing."

So now I would like to introduce my first Thing ranking. Most loved to least loved..

1.The Thing 1982

2.Who Goes There? 1938

3.The Thing from Another World 1951

4.Any Thing rip off film every made

5.The Thing: The Musical

6.The Thing 2011

I hope this helps you with all of your "Thing" needs...

"Because they came from another sun, a star beyond the stars. They came from a world with a bluer sun."

Back from vacation and awarded!!

2011-11-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

I'm back and had a wonderful time pretending to be a 5 year old at Walt Disney World and Universal Studios. Went to my first Halloween Horror Nights and it was awesome. The Thing attraction was out of control and I got my first Edgar Allen Poe tribute tattoo. But enough about me! I would like to thank Annie Walls at http://annie-walls-author.blogspot.com/ for this awesome award!!

I lurve awards!! Thank you Annie! Your blog is awesome. Now I am supposed to award this to 5 blogs that everyone should read and follow!!!

The Spooky Vegan

It's on Random

Two Gory Chicks

The Horror Cats

Too much Horror Fiction

So check them out. Now, I promise an actual horror related post is coming soon. I am still coming off the high of everyone calling me "Princess" for a week. It really takes so little to make me happy.....

What does Liebster mean?

Vacation!

2011-10-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

I am going to be unplugged all week! Until my return, please enjoy this video of "Inception Cat." I could, and have, watched this all day long...

Rob Bottin

2011-10-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

Where are you Rob Bottin? We need you now more than ever! Check out this great article on Rob Bottin's career and disappearance:
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/post/rob-bottin-rocks

The Thang 2011

2011-10-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

Minor Spoilers.

So everyone is harping on this movie and quite rightly so, but let me take a moment to say something nice before I join the shit parade. The filmmakers behind The Thing 2011 took great pains to ensure some continuity between Carpenter's seminal 1982 film and this prequel/remake hybrid. I re-watched The Thing just hours before going to see this monstrosity and I have to say that you can see that the love is there. The only joy I had while watching this film was seeing all the references to Carpenter's masterpiece. Also, I rather like Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Joel Edgerton as actors. I am sorry to see that they are in this film, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

Also it was cool that they used real Norwegians to play Norwegians. Now I am done. Time to start complaining: This movie is awful. Let me use my favorite lazy writing device, the list, to illustrate:

It is not scary. At all.
The CGI is awful. It made me appreciate Rob Bottin's work on Carpenter's film all the more.
The first 20 minutes of the film is the "prequel," the remainder of the film is a remake. This is not a good combination.
I really didn't care about any of the characters with the exception of Kate.
It's obvious who is "Thing" and who is not "Thing."
WTF with the ending?!? What happened to Kate? Are they trying to set up for a sequel? Why didn't we hear about the Russian base before? Does every Country have a base on Antarctica?
Would a bad ass helicopter pilot really wear a tiny gold earring? I don't think so.

I think the idea of doing a prequel was a good one, but the filmmakers got lazy and basically just remade Carpenter's film. What a wasted opportunity. Save yourself the money. Re-watch The Thing from 1982 and watch, if you haven't already, The Thing from Another World, made in 1951 and 10 times scarier than this new version.

Stake Land

2011-10-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

MINOR SPOILERS

The best horror film of the year was technically released last year, but it only came into my radar a few months ago. Rue Morgue did an article on it, then Fangoria, then Horrorhound (my personal holy trilogy of horror mags. Although, if you can find Scream magazine, that one is awesome! It was only carried at a Border's 3 hours away from my house and that closed. Yes, I could subscribe but I love the thrill of the hunt in these matters.) Anyway, the best horror film of the year (in my opinion) is Jim Mickle's Stake Land. Stake Land is a post-apocalyptic road film where the beasties are vampires. Now, I am not usually a huge vamp fan, but these vampires are more like feral cannibal mutants. Correction: there are human feral cannibals in this film. These vamps are more like fast zombies that can only come out at night. They have to compete with the human feral cannibals for some sweet meat that looks a lot like Eric from Gossip Girl.

It IS Eric from Gossip Girl! Connor Paolo plays Martin, a young man whose parents are killed by vampires. He is taken under the wing of "Mister", a mysterious vampire killer played by Nick Damici.

In this post-apocalyptic world civilization has gone by the wayside. There are only a few pockets of survivors that get along the best they can. The survivor's greatest problem isn't the vampires: it's the other humans who have de-evolved. A group that calls themselves The Brotherhood controls most of the roads. The Brotherhood are a bunch of white supremacist religious fundamentalists who think nothing of raping nuns and using non-whites as vampire bait. Not surprisingly, Mister and Martin run afoul of this group and have to avoid them and the vampires on their way to "New Eden." New Eden is a place supposedly free from infection. We all know how this scenario will likely play out.

What is amazing about Stake Land is how well all of the characters are developed. We really care about every single one of them. Martin is a realistic boy on the verge on manhood. Mister, for all his toughness, has a heart. Danielle Harris plays Belle, a pregnant young woman trying to make it to New Eden for her baby. Her character, in another film, would have stood as a beacon of hope. She would have made it to New Eden and her child would have symbolized humanity's hope. This is not that film. This is not a pretty world. This is a gloomy, gory, and scary film. It's message is that humanity will survive, but at what cost? Yep, it's a bit of downer, but I was practically jumping up and down after it was over: it's that good.

It! The Terror from Beyond Space 1958

2011-10-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

The year is 1973. Earth has lost contact with the first manned mission to Mars. A rescue team is sent to investigate. Their ride is really groovy...

When they arrive they find one survivor, Col. Edward Curruthers (Marshall Thompson). The rest of the original crew is dead. One of them has a gunshot wound. The rescue crew decided Curruthers must have murdered his crew. He denies the charge, and soon they all discover that the real murderer is It! The Terror from Beyond Space!

O.K. This movie is really pretty silly but important for two reasons. One, John Carpenter called it highly influential to him as a filmmaker. This doesn't surprise me since It! is basically a siege film. Carpenter introduced this film and Rio Bravo as part of his hosting duties on TCM. Rio Bravo is also a siege film, like Assault on Precinct 13, The Thing, and to a certain extent The Fog. The siege "genre" also happens to be one of my favorites (Night of the Living Dead). I like it when a group of people are trapped together fighting for their lives, sometimes from an unseen, unknown force. That is the case with It!. The clever alien sneaks on board and begins attacking crew members, sucking all moisture from their bodies. He goes from level to level on the ship, often using the air shafts to move around. The beleaguered crew are soon confined to one level of the ship, trying to think of a way to kill this unstoppable force...

My God this suit is awesome! Anyway, if this story sound a little familiar that is because it is: it's Alien. It! The Terror from Beyond Space served as a major inspiration to Alien, right down to the air shafts.

This is the second reason why It! is important, and if you are a fan of Alien I highly recommend you see this. Plus, it's fun to see doctors and scientists smoking! Oh, and the female scientists serve the men dinner! They have a PhD in waitressing!

American Horror Story

2011-10-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the second episode of American Horror Story. Although I can't say I am completely on board with this show yet, I know I am going to continue watching it, if only to support "horror" on television. Which brings me to my first point of contention with American Horror Story: it's not very scary.

The Harmon's have recently moved from Boston to L.A. Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) is a Psychiatrist who must work out CONSTANTLY. We see him naked (a lot) and he is ripped! He also cheated on his beautiful wife Vivien (the amazing Connie Brittan). Vivien walked in on him having a special "session" with a student. In an effort to repair their marriage, they move to sunny California with their teenage daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga). Oh, did I mention that Vivien had a horrible miscarriage before the affair began? And that Violet likes to cut herself and is one Cure record away from becoming a Goth wannabe? In other words, this family is kind of messed up to begin with. It doesnt' help that the bargain Victorian house they bought has the local reputation as a "Murder House."

The family moves in and weird things begin to happen right away. Their creepy neighbor Constance (Jessica Lange) shows up with her Downs Syndrome daughter who has a special gift for sneaking in and out of the house at will.

Ben encounters a burned man named Larry Harvey (Denis O'Hare from True Blood) who claims to have once lived in the house. He also claims to have killed his whole family in the house, and that the house made him do it. Larry tries to convince Ben that he and his family should leave. Good advice, considering that during the first two episodes a whole lot of freaky shit goes down.

I won't spoil it but let's just say that it includes a lot of masturbation, kinky demon sex, and various homages to just about every horror film made in the past 40 years. Which brings me back to my first problem with this show. Not scary. Copying images and scenarios from other horror films and cutting and pasting them together does not horror make! And that is basically what is going on here. It's fun to watch the show and pick the horror films the Producers have cribbed from. Here is a partial list:

The Shining
The Changeling
The Strangers
Rosemary's Baby
Poltergeist
Saw
The Collector
Halloween
The Haunting
Pet Sematary
Ghost Story

Even the opening credits look like a mash up of that show Oddities and a Nine Inch Nails video. The music is ripped off of other films such as Vertigo and Psycho. Because I have seen all of this before nothing is making me jump, nothing is sending chills down my spine. And it's too bad, because this show has a lot of other things going for it. Jessica Lange is brilliant as Constance. She deserves an Emmy for her mysterious yet sympathetic performance. Same goes for Connie Brittan. When she was confronting her husband about his affair in the first episode it brought tears to my eyes. The show looks amazing, and the score, although recycled, it very good. I don't know how they are going to sustain this story throughout the entire season, and I hope the Producers have an end game planned. So far this is seeming a little Lost to me. Let's also hope that the Producers try to infuse the show with a little more originality. Then it might get really scary.

The Thing: The Musical

2011-10-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

Alright, you have probably seen this everywhere by now (including the awesome Kindertrauma), but it is so good! Watch it again!

Tonight!

2011-10-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

The Walking Dead season 2 premieres tonight! I am so excited! Finally have a day off and lots to post including: It! The Terror from Beyond Space (awesome), American Horror Story (undecided), Stakeland (amazeballs), every version of The Thing including the book (this may take a while), and whatever else pops into my head! Stay tuned.....

Sir John Talbot

2011-10-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

I just finished my annual viewing of The Wolf Man. It's my Dad's birthday today and this is his favorite horror film. I love The Wolf Man. I love Lon Chaney Jr. It is perhaps the saddest performance I have ever seen in a horror film. Look at the man:

Such pathos! Such despair! Seriously, it is a great performance. But I am not here to talk about Chaney. I am here to talk about the other tragic figure in The Wolf Man: Sir John Talbot.

Perhaps it's because it was my Father's birthday so Dad is on the mind, but during this viewing I couldn't help but concentrate on the sad figure of Sir John Talbot (played by one of my favorite actors, Claude Rains.) Let's look at the facts: Sir John is a widow: no wife to be seen. His eldest son, his favorite and heir, was killed in a tragic hunting accident. His other son, Larry, he doesn't know at all. Larry left the family to go America and never kept in touch. Larry has returned to the family estate but it is clear that father and son have nothing in common. As if this all isn't depressing enough, a series of grisly murders have taken place near the estate and Larry may be going mad. His one chance to reconnect with his only son ends in tragedy:

Sir John is convinced that Larry is having a breakdown. He can't believe that he is responsible for the murders. To protect him, Sir John ties Larry up and goes to join the hunt for the real culprit, the wolf. Of course, Larry escapes and father is forced to take the life of his only remaining child. That, my friends, is tragic. Poor Sir John. Join me next year when I try to figure out what is going on with Gwen (Evelyn Ankers). I mean really! Why is she so nonchalant about Jenny getting killed and why is she so willing to cheat on her Fiance with Larry? What is with her?

Trailers: The Awakening

2011-10-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

This looks better. A bit like The Others, but that is not a bad thing.

Trailers: The Raven

2011-10-08T09:25:00.001-07:00

This looks ridiculous. And not in a good way.

O.K. Let me clarify. This looks like it should be starring Bruce Willis. Just not what I was hoping for. Might be good. Has a From Hell feel to it. If I see Poe do fucking Karate I am leaving the theatre.

Cropsey 2009

2011-10-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

Not to long ago I wrote a review of The Burning, a typical Slasher that featured a maniac named "Cropsey" who liked to slice and dice teenage campers. Turns out "Cropsey" is an honest to goodness East Coast Urban Legend and the subject of a recent documentary....

Directed by Joshua Zeman and Barbara Brancaccio, Cropsey uses the famed Urban Legend to introduce us to a real life tragedy: a series of child abductions and murders that took place on Staten Island in the 70s and 80s.

Accused and convicted of at least one of the murders was Andre Rand, a homeless eccentric known to hang around the abandoned Willowbrook State School where he once worked as an orderly.

Willowbrook, which wasn't closed until 1987, became famous thanks in part to an expose by Geraldo Rivera. Rivera revealed the deplorable conditions the "student" lived in. The children were all disabled or mentally handicapped, "dumped" at Willowbrook and forgotten. The "Urban Legend" surrounded Willowbrook is that some of the students were still there, living in the underground tunnels known to exist under the school. The other story was that "Cropsey", a maniac who snatched children from the forest, also lived under the school. Legend became reality when children began to go missing, and Rand was a perfect stand-in for the Cropsey our our nightmares.

Cropsey is more about the witch hunt and trials of Andre Rand instead of the Urban Legend. Definitely a creep, Rand was convicted on the flimsiest of evidence. Although the filmmakers refuse to share their opinions of whether or not Rand was guilty, what is clear is their disillusionment with the legal system. Rand is a Hannibal Lecter type character who plays mind games with Zeman and Brancaccio, but that does not mean he his guilty. Accused of everything from Satan worship to necrophilia, the community and the press were anxious for someone to blame, and Rand fit the bill.

I had to do come research to confirm that this was an actual documentary and not a docu-drama. Some of the film has a "Blair Witch" type feel to it, and some things just fit together a little to perfectly. As the viewer you feel you are being manipulated a bit, and we probably are. Nevertheless, the film is very good and very chilling. The "Cropsey" legend is still around to scare the local boy scouts, and teenagers still visit the ruins of Willowbrook to give themselves a good scare. Few of the teenagers have ever heard of the real life child murders that took place in their backyard. Most of the bodies have never been found, and there are still doubts about Rand's guilt. Real life can be as horrifying and fiction or legend.

For your October Viewing Pleasure

2011-10-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

Halloween is upon us and three of my favorite channels are celebrating the month by showing a ton of great horror! It's a month to sit on your ass and be scared!

Over at AMC they are showing a wide variety of films, including The Shining, plus October 16th brings us the premiere of The Walking Dead. I have never quite forgiven AMC for introducing commercials into the mix, but their great original programming by far makes up for it.

IFC is playing some great films this month, including one of my favorites, The Changeling. They are also playing more edgy fare such as Hostel and Teeth. If you can make your way through the endless Malcolm in the Middle reruns (really) you can even catch The Dead Set on Halloween.

This awesome British production introduces Zombies to reality television. Two great tastes that taste great together. Seriously, this is a good series. If you haven't seen it, DVR it!
Finally, we come to my favorite channel, the Granddaddy of commercial free classic programming,

TCM! Not only are they playing "The Horrors of Stephen King" all month (it began last night!) they also are having this dude as a guest programmer...

Check out John Carpenter on October 5th. He will be discussing and showing such classics as....

TCM is also having a Val Lewton marathon. It was through these channels that I discovered my love of Classic Horror, and they are part of the reason that October is my favorite month! Click the links above for full schedules!!

Hell Night 1981

2011-10-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

There is nothing I love more than a good old Eighties Slasher. I almost hate to admit it, but it's the era I grew up it. I was raised on a steady diet of all types of horror films, but it's the Slasher I return to again and again. Since Slashers were cheap to make and popular, there are a lot of them floating around. Most of them very, very bad. Typically, the crappier the film, the more I like it. I was expecting Hell Night from 1981 to be awful. I was wrong (not the first time.)

Despite the fact that Linda Blair rocks the worst Victorian up do bun that I have ever seen throughout the film, it is actually pretty good. A Fraternity is putting it's pledges though a hazing known as Hell Night. The pledges have to spend the night at the Gothic Garth Manor, site a horrific murder/suicide 12 years prior. The demented patriarch, Raymond Garth, murdered his wife and children in the Manor. He then killed himself. The only problem is that the Police never found Raymond's body, nor that of his youngest son, the mute Andrew. Rumor has it, Andrew still lives in the Manor.

Of course he does! You know it! Actually it's a pretty good back story, well fleshed out for a cheapo Slasher. The Fraternity only has four pledges: Marti (Blair), Jeff (Peter Barton, who is so pretty I couldn't stand it. He looks like a male Carol Alt. I wasn't surprised to learn he spent the rest of his career in the Soaps), Seth, and Denise are the pledges. Yes, it is a little weird that this is a male/female Fraternity but go with it!

Luckily the Scooby Gang brought drugs and booze to get them through the night. Before long they start hearing screams throughout the manor. When they go to investigate they realize that members of the Fraternity have "rigged" the house to scare them. This sounds like a pretty good Fraternity! Sign me up.

Everything is going along very well until the kids start really dying. I mean, they start getting their heads chopped off! The fun and games are over when the remaining pledges must fight to stay alive from the unseen terror lurking in the house.....

Oh, there you are terror! Wouldn't you know it, it's Andrew, and he is super pissed. I mean, he watched his whole family die, and now he has to put up with Linda Blair's whining! I would go on a murderous rampage too!

Hell Night looks great. The set design is fantastic. Andrew is really scary looking, and the Director, Tom De Simone, really knows how to build tension. Linda Blair's character is kind of an annoying Buzz Kill, but she finally flashes her Final Girl card at the end. I was in the mood for a "so bad it's good" Slasher and I got a "well, that's pretty good" Slasher. Lucky for me, there are plenty of bad Slashers out there, and I am sure it won't be long before I encounter my next one.

Warning: Hell Night has no boobs in it, if that is your thing. Linda Blair has quite an impressive rack, but that hair! Oh God, that hair!

Coming Soon: The Grey

2011-10-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to write a post but my brain is so foggy from yet another cold that I just can't. I will try again later this afternoon. In the meantime, enjoy the awesome Liam Neeson-ness of this trailer!

The Human Centipede

2011-10-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

Next time I hold a staff meeting at work I am going to show The Human Centipede. I have never seen a better film about the importance of teamwork.

So I know I am a little late to the party on this one. THC came out about a year ago. I just really never was in the mood to watch it. I mean, when are you every really in the mood to watch a film about people sewn together ass to mouth? Turns out, last night I was in the mood for an ass to mouth film. That sounds like I wanted to watch a porno! A porno would have been much more entertaining.

The main problem I had with The Human Centipede is that is wasn't shocking/gory/scary/funny enough. It is a concept film and the concept is good: so good that it became a cultural phenomenon (much like Toddlers and Tiaras). Problem was that the execution was just plain boring (unlike Toddlers and Tiaras, which is awesome and I wish it was on year round).

The Human Centipede works best as a comedy. Dieter Laser as the demented Doctor is hysterical. He is a modern day Dr. Frankenstein.

He also looks a bit like Geoff Tate from Queensryche. I always wondered what happened to him. When Laser screams "Feed her" I almost fell off the couch laughing. Best part of the film.

I am intrigued by Tom Six. I like it when Directors become part of the show, ala Alfred Hitchcock. I am looking forward to seeing what he does after he is finished with The Centipede Trilogy. I also like that his Cinematographer is named Goof De Kooning. That name just makes me happy. Enjoy the preview to the sequel. I will see it, because it looks very different in tone from first one. Of course, it may be many, many years until I am in the mood for a 12 person sewn ass to mouth film.

Check out these blogs!!

2011-09-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

I had so much fun participating in the Blogger Zombie Walk 2011! Please be sure to check out some of the other Blogs listed in my post. I finally got to check them out and they are all awesome. Coming soon: A review of The Human Centipede! Yes, a year after everyone else reviewed it! It's the Zombies are Magic way!!

Blogger Zombie Walk 2011: Zombies invade the Funnies

2011-09-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 2011 Blogger Zombie Walk! For my contribution I present: Zombies Invade the Funnies! Besides horror, and all things horror related (especially Zombies), one of my great loves is the Funny Pages. I swear the only reason I subscribe to the paper is the Funnies section. Take that out and screw you San Jose Mercury News!! If you read this blog you know my favorite comic is LIO, by Mark Tatulli. LIO is a monster kid who is actually happy that there are monsters hiding under his bed. Zombies, my true monster love, show up a lot in LIO. Surprisingly enough, they show up in a lot of other comics as well. Zombies, besides being scary, are pretty funny. Please enjoy this selection of Newspaper funnies featuring Zombies. Most of these comics can be found at the excellent site GoComics.com

MONTY by Jim Meddick

LIO by Mark Tatulli

BLISS by Harry Bliss

BIZARRO by Piraro

BREWSTER ROCKIT by Tim Rickard

DILBERT by Scott Adams

Jeff Swenson at comicsgonebad.com

and finally...

Thanks to Zombies and Toys for this one. Find more comics at shoeboxblog.com

Two great sources for other awesome comics (Zombie and non-Zombie) are Zombie Reporting Center, a pretty excellent site for all things Zombie, and The Comics Curmudgeon. I recommend The Comics Curmudgeon because I think this guy is as obsessed with Rex Morgan M.D. as I am. Speaking of Rex, here is a list of comics I would love to see Zombies invade...

Rex Morgan M.D.
The Family Circus
Mary Worth
For Better or for Worse
Luann (kill that bitch!)
Mutts
Prince Valiant
Ziggy (is that still around?)
Blondie
Garfield

Hope you have enjoyed by section of the Blogger Zombie walk. For more Zombie goodness, check out these Monkey Fighters:
http://above-the-norm.blogspot.com">Above the Norm: Bizarre Arizona
http://www.zombieseverywhere.org">Zombies Everywhere
http://hollyshorrorland.blogspot.com">Holly's Horrorland
http://littlegothichorrors.blogspot.com/">Little Gothic Horrors
http://www.anythinghorror.com">Anything Horror
http://kaybeewrites.blogspot.com/">Katy Bennett Horror Writer and Poet
http://thisisbubbasplace.blogspot.com/">Bubba's Place
http://horrorsmorgasbord.blogspot.com">Horror Smorgasbord
http://gnostalgia.wordpress.com/">Gnostalgia
http://petzoldspracticalprose.blogspot.com/">Monkey Man
http://leogodin.net/">Words and Music
http://redshoeschronicles.blogspot.com/">Red Shoes Chronicles
http://thewolfseyes.blogspot.com/">The Wolf's Eyes
http://mydayinasentence.blogspot.com">My Day in a Sentence
http://pixieshorrorgalore.blogspot.com">Pixie's Horror Galore
http://strangestate.blogspot.com">Strange State
http://halloweenut.blogspot.com">The Misadventures of HalloweeNut
http://www.halloween-blues.com">Halloween Blues
http://kweenytodd.blogspot.com">Kweeny Todd
http://thecaliforniabloggingmassacre.blogspot.com">The California Blogging Massacre
http://horror-shock.blogspot.com">Horror Shock Lolipop
http://vanessa-morgan.blogspot.com">Vanessa Morgan
http://improbablefrontiers.wordpress.com/">Improbable Frontiers
http://noreallyyoucaneatit.blogspot.com">No Really, You Can Eat It
http://livingdeadgirlnicoleart.blogspot.com">Art By Living Dead Girl Nicole
http://twogorychicks.blogspot.com">Two Gory Chicks
http://www.dustbunnyinthewind.com">A Dust Bunny in the Wind
http://aghoulsbestfriend.blogspot.com">A Ghoul's Best Friend
http://zombiesaremagic.blogspot.com">Zombies Are Magic
http://cherrynekostw.blogspot.com">Cherry Neko Saves the World
http://www.lisafee.com">Tall Tales
http://atthemansionofmadness.blogspot.com">At the Mansion of Madness
http://www.thehauntedrose.blogspot.com">The Haunted Rose
http://therottingzombie.blogspot.com">The Rotting Zombie
http://halloweenoverkill.blogspot.com">Halloween Overkill
http://viviennemoss.blogspot.com/">Out of the Shadows
http://keyholegallery.blogspot.com">Creepy Glow Keyhole Gallery
http://creepyglowbugg.blogspot.com">Creepy Glowbugg
http://bifocalunivision.blogspot.com/">Bifocal Univision
http://haiku-koo-koo.blogspot.com/">Haiku-Koo-Koo
http://sherrysoule.blogspot.com/">Sherry Soule
http://anchorsandroses.blogspot.com">Anchors and Roses
http://paranormalresearchersgroup.blogspot.com/">Paranormal Researchers Group
http://whispering-pines-history.blogspot.com/">Whispering Pines History
http://lovelymissmegs.blogspot.com">Lovely Miss Megs
http://www.fishblogwash.blogspot.com/">Sean Thomas Fisher's Blogwash
http://www.riseandfight.net">Rise and Fight
http://stumptownhorror.blogspot.com">Stump Town Horror
http://loliclownshorrors.blogspot.com/">LoliClown's Little Blog of Horror
http://zombiescantlove.blogspot.com">Zombies Can't Love
http://booksandbeyondreviews.blogspot.com">Books and Beyond
http://www.thegravebandits.com/">The Grave Bandits
http://www.screaminggoregasm.blogspot.com/">Screaming Goregasms
http://lazydaisylife.blogspot.com">Lazy Daisy Life
http://ickymonster.blogspot.com">Icky Monster
http://www.prettyinfiction.com">Pretty in Fiction
http://bonjourivyparker.blogspot.com/">Ivy's Closet
http://justineshalloween.blogspot.com">Justine's Halloween
http://annie-walls-author.blogspot.com/">Annie Walls
http://thetimebi.blogspot.com/">Just Johnny
and last but not least:
http://autumnforestghosthunter.blogspot.com

If you are not sure what a Monkey Fighter is, check out the edited for television version of Snakes on a Plane. I say it with love.

LIO: Best Comic Ever.

2011-09-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

Please check out Lio: He is a Monster Kid like us!

Scary works of art by a 4 year old and the horror films they remind me of...

2011-09-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate enough to receive some fantastic artwork by the 4 year old daughter of a friend of mine. Her name is Zelma and she is growing up on a farm with chickens and cats and bees. I sent her a t-shirt when she was a baby that says "I Love Zombies." She still wears it to this day. She also talks a lot about ghosts and monsters. I can't help but feel I am having a positive influence on her from 3000 miles away.

Below is some of Zelma's artwork and my take on the horror film it most reminds me of. Please feel free to chip in with that horror films they remind you of. (I don't think Zelma has really seen any horror films yet, but wait till she comes to spend the summer with Auntie Jen.)

This is one scary pink haired girl. This reminds me of Coraline, but I also detect a bit of The Ring and Ju-on here. She also looks kind of pissed off, so I will also go with Carrie.

Donnie Darko is the obvious choice here, but may I also suggest The Shining? You know the scene I am talking about. This could also be a very dark take on Harvey. I also see The Blob.

This painting actually has a title. It is "The Prince in the Castle." I see A Nightmare on Elm Street. I also see any horror film where a psycho escapes from an insane asylum (take your pick.) This also has a bit of a Children of the Corn flavor to it which would make sense since Zelma is growing up on a farm.

More artwork coming soon, including a piece that reminds me of a Clive Barker short story and Zelma's take on The Human Centipede, with a cow.

Thanks to Zelma's parents for sending me the art!

Contagion 2011

2011-09-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Two things you should know about Contagion, the new film by Steven Soderbergh. One: it is NOT a horror film, despite what Soderbergh says. It is more of a soulless, clinical look at what might happen if the Bird Flu went crazy and attacked a bunch of attractive people. Number Two: Gwyneth Paltrow is in it. A lot. You might think you are safe because you heard she dies in the beginning, but you are not. Like a bad penny, she keeps showing up throughout the damn film. Normally, I would not ever go see a Gwyneth Paltrow film. Much like my well documented aversion to Mr. Shia LaBeouf, I have a similarly strong dislike of Gwyneth Paltrow.

Contagion stars Paltrow, Matt Damon, and Jude Law. It is like The Talented Mr. Ripley only 100% less interesting. Paltrow returns home from a business trip in Hong Kong with a cold. A couple of days later she dies. Then her son dies. Then Matt Damon gets to act really upset about the whole thing. Also, Paltrow was having an affair, a throw-a-way plot point that goes nowhere, much like the rest of this film.

Soon people are dying across the globe, and the CDC, played by Laurence Fishburne and Kate Winslet, jump into action to try to find a cure. They are joined by Marion Cotillard as the World Health Organization, Jude Law as crazy bloggers, John Hawkes as the everyman, and a bunch of other famous people trying to look worried and/or sick. If this sounds like a Towering Inferno type film then you are correct! Soderbergh said he was going for that kind of vibe with the big name cast. The only problem is that The Towering Inferno was funny/interesting/suspenseful, whereas Contagion looks like a documentary made by someone strung out on Valium. It is that boring.

Every character is pretty annoying. The only slightly interesting one was the crazy blogger played by Jude Law, but I only found him interesting because he wore dentures that made his teeth look really bad and I kept thinking that Jude Law uglies up really well. The pace is off, we don't care about anyone, I was actually rooting for some people to die, and in the end it is all wrapped up with a neat little bow. I am surprised Julia Roberts wasn't in this mess. There are so many good epidemic/end of the world films out there: don't waste your time on this one. It is not scary, it is not suspenseful, and it features a whole lot of Gwyneth Paltrow. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Lost Boys

2011-09-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

The Lost Boys was a VERY important film for me. When it was released I was 13 years old. I saw it for the first time not at a movie theatre, but at a slumber party. It became an obsession of mine for a few years. I mean, it knocked Kirk Cameron right off my charts. Why did I love it so? Because it was cool. Or, what my 13 year old self thought was cool. I fell hard for Jason Patric and Kiefer Sutherland. I wanted to be Jami Gertz. I thought Corey Haim was the SHIT. Deep down, I want to think that something in me was attracted to the horror element. But really, I was just a girl with a crush. Of course, I did want to be turned into a Vampire, but what 13 year old doesn't? OK, what pre-Goth 13 year old doesn't? This was years before Twilight people!

I watched it again after a recent visit to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, where The Lost Boys was filmed. I was surprised by two things. One: how much I still liked the film, and Two: how Gay it is! Corey Haim is totally gay in this film! He has a Rob Lowe poster in his room. He wears a shirt that says "Born to Shop." He is like 14 with highlights in his hair. He thinks Jami Gertz is gross! I could write a whole essay on his outfit choices! My God! I totally did not get this when I was 13.

Now some people will argue that there is a gay subtext to Kiefer Sutherland and Jason Patric's relationship as well. I don't agree. Kiefer just wants to hang out with someone who doesn't look like a Motley Crue reject.

Besides, Kiefer has a sort of girlfriend in STAR, played horribly by Jami Gertz.

I have nothing against Jami Gertz but she is very badly miscast in this film. Every time she speaks I want to cringe. Seriously. And everyone wanted to sleep with her! Kiefer, Jason, Grandpa.

What I find most interesting about The Lost Boys legacy is the Julia Roberts connection. Remember when Julia left Kiefer....

for Jason and they flew off to Ireland together! Isn't that awesome?!

Hotter than Jami Gertz.

Later Jason and Kiefer made up and starred in That Championship Season together, which was written by Jason's dad, Jason Miller, who was in The Exorcist. Isn't it a small world?

What I still love about The Lost Boys is the humor, the style, and the finale. During the last 15 minutes The Lost Boys essentially becomes a siege film. Siege films are my favorite kind of films. That's why I love Zombie films so much. I like people trapped in a house fighting for their lives. I also love sweaty saxophone players.

The Shiver of the Vampires 1970

2011-09-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

When looking for images for this post I had a very difficult time finding any without naked women in them. Thus is the glory of Jean Rollin. The Shiver of the Vampires is my first Jean Rollin film. While it probably won't be my last, I am not quite ready to join the Rollin fan club. Yes, there is much to love here: beautiful Gothic decay, awesome 70's fashion and music, strange characters and trippy camera work, lots of blood, naked chicks (if that is your thing) and scarves. Lots and lots of scarves.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Young newlyweds (Ise and Antoine) decide to spend their honeymoon in a Gothic castle, owned by the bride's cousins. When they arrive they hear that the cousins have died, but they are welcomed to stay by the beautiful, mute maids that act as the caretakers for the castle. Distraught, the bride demands that her husband sleep in the other room. Later that night, a naked woman pops out from a grandfather clock and seduces young Ise. Antoine, restless because he did not get laid on this wedding night, walks the castle while this is going on and witnesses a horrific vampire sacrifice ritual taking place. Instead of grabbing Ise and hightailing it outta there, Antoine goes to Ise, now sleeping after being bitten by the grandfather clock vampire, feels her up, and goes back to bed. This is just the first night.

Then the cousins show up. Turns out they were vampire killers who were "turned" by the grandfather clock vampire. The maids are somewhat under their spell (they are also lesbians of course) and the grandfather clock vampire rules them all. At least, until she is raped by the cousins. Oh, it is so confusing. Is every Jean Rollin film like this?

The Shiver of the Vampires is a weird mix of horror, comedy, and eroticism. It is very trippy. You feel like you are stoned when you watch it. Initially I didn't like the film, but the more I think about it the more it is growing on me. My absolute favorite part of this film is Antoine. Whenever he is about to go chase after Ise or the cousins he stops to put on a silk scarf. Like his vampire hunting outfit is not complete without the paisley scarf! He is like Fred from the Scooby gang. No wonder Ise didn't want to sleep with him!

Don't count on your Parents and Don't be afraid of the Dark

2011-08-31T16:06:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of mixed feelings out there about the Guillermo del Toro produced Don't be afraid of the Dark. I for one loved it and it was just what I needed, despite the presence of two things I hate about modern horror films: CGI and Katie Holmes.

Oh I am sorry Katie. You are actually not that bad here, and it only took me about 20 minutes to quit thinking about how Tom Cruise and friends have brainwashed you. Girl does not look happy. Too skinny, sunken eyes, pained expression: it works perfect for this film!

Don't be afraid of the Dark is a remake of a 1973 made for T.V. film. Guillermo del Toro claims it was one of the scariest films he had ever seen. I have never seen it, but reading the description of the original gave me chills. It has jumped to #1 on my "must see list." Sally, an adult woman in the original film, is now a little girl, played by Bailee Madison. Dumped on her Father (Guy Pearce) and his young girlfriend (Holmes), Sally is hopped up on anti-depressants, forced to eat a gluten-free diet, and basically just pissed at the world. She also gets the very real feeling that she is not wanted. Her busy Father is trying to remodel a Rhode Island mansion with the hopes of getting it on the cover of "Architectural Digest." Mom is totally absent, heard only over the phone dismissing her daughter to go to a party. The only one who seems to pay attention is Kim, Dad's new girlfriend. It is hinted that Kim had a rough childhood herself, so perhaps she feels a connection with Sally. Sally begins to explore mansion, which once belonged to an Artist named Emerson Blackwood. Blackwood disappeared many years ago, along with his young son. In the prologue to the film we see why...

The things that were haunting Blackwood soon begin to haunt Sally. Although at first she is fascinated by the creatures that call out her name from the basement, she soon realizes that being friends is the last thing on their minds.

God they are ugly little buggers. Reminds me of my cat after rubbing his face in catnip. The creatures are Homunculi, better known as goblins or really nasty little fairies. They need a soul, and Sally's is the perfect fit. They begin to pursue Sally, and despite a lot of evidence to the contrary, the adults don't believe her. Dad thinks she is having a psychotic breakdown. I would be having a psychotic breakdown as well if these ugly little suckers ambushed me in the bath!

One frustrating thing about this film is how long it takes the adults to wise up! One thing I liked about Insidious is that the parents GOT THE FUCK OUT! Not in this case, but it is classic del Toro. Someone wrote that being a child in del Toro's world is never easy. All is horror. My own childhood was quite wonderful, but my firm belief in Monsters meant that I was always scared. Parents don't want to believe that there is a Monster in your closet, despite that fact that everything in your being tells you there is.

Don't be afraid of the Dark is Lovecraft scary. I didn't read Lovecraft until I was an adult but my childhood self would have totally have got it: The universe is a big, bad, scary place and things far more powerful than ourselves might be out to get us. Pretty much the message of this film. The ending is unexpected and chilling, with no question left as to who the real victors are. The film is beautiful and the performances are excellent. The CGI is a little annoying, but luckily used sparingly. I loved this film. It is like a nice warm blanket for horror fans to wrap themselves up in.

If I had a kid.....

2011-08-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

I would totally buy him this:

Check out some other horror inspired toys at: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_243_ill-advised-
movie-merchandise-kids/. In other news, I actually went to the theatre and watched a new movie! And it was annoying! Everyone on their cell phones! I have officially turned into a grumpy old man. Review of Don't be afraid of the Dark coming soon.

The Woman

2011-08-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Check out the trailer and theatre list for Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum's The Woman over at Bloody Disgusting. I am so in the mood for this kind of film! It outraged viewers at Sundance. Sign me up!

Night of the Comet 1984

2011-08-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

I was just flipping through the new issue of Vanity Fair (better articles than Vogue and I still get to enjoy fashion porn) and I noticed that the Eighties are back in a big way! Shoulder pads, dramatic eye make-up, scrunchy boots, giant earrings, everyone looking like they are totally coked out: I love the Eighties. It is not just the fashion that is making a comeback: all of the awesome eighties movies are being re-made. Yes, all the remakes suck, but that is not going to stop me from seeing Footloose redux. One of my favorite Eighties films, and one that contributed to my early horror obsession, was Night of the Comet. This movie had such an impact on me I can still remember seeing the preview and begging my Mom to let me go see it. I would like to say that I had an early preoccupation with post-apocalyptic horror, but the truth is I wanted to see the shopping mall scene.

I swear to God the first thing I am going to do when the fit hits the shan, whether it be next year or twenty years from now, is hit the mall. What girl wouldn't? Unless I have a girlfriend as a fellow survivor, I might skip dancing around said mall to "Girls just want to have fun," but I am going and getting me some nice clothes! If my future is toting a machine gun around and killing zombies, I am going to look good. This is practical!

So it is 1984 and a big comet is scheduled to pass by Earth. No one seems really worried that the last time this comet came around the dinosaurs went extinct. It might all the coke. Two Valley Girl sisters, Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart) and Samantha (Kelly Maroney) happen to spend that night in steel enclosures. They are spared being turned into "red dust." The comet basically wipes out all of humanity, save a few. The sisters, who were raised as Army brats and know their way around a machine gun, soon find themselves fighting for their lives. See, not everyone died. Some turned into crazy-mixed up zombies.

Not a crazy mixed-up Zombie

For sure a crazy mixed-up Zombie.

After getting ambushed by crazy mixed-up Zombies at the mall (after trying on fab clothes) the girls are rescued by a team of scientists who survived the disaster. These scientists took every precaution to survive, except one: they forgot to close the air vents. They are all slowly turning into Zombies and need the girl's blood for a serum. Luckily, the girls know another survivor, the hunky Hector (Robert Beltran from Star Trek: Voyager nerds!) who helps them escape and they all live happily ever after with their shoulder pads and blue eyeshadow! I just had a thought: if the world ended in the Eighties what happened with fashion? Did they ever move on? Not if it was up to these two girls. They rock high waisted pants like no ones business!

Watching this film as an adult I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I wouldn't say it stands the test of time, but it has some good scares and that amazing shopping mall scene. This is not a "good" movie in any way, but neither is Mommie Dearest and I love that shit! Now I have to go listen to the soundtrack to Pretty in Pink. Good night!

Bucket of Blood!

2011-08-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

According to "Wikipedia", Roger Corman's 1959 film Bucket of Blood is a "horror/comedy." Well, the comedy must be so subtle that it completely flew over my head. I mean, it is funny, if only for it's portrayal of Beatnik culture. Wait, is this the intended comedy? Am I that dense? (Yes.) In any case, for a film shot in 5 DAYS (really), Bucket of Blood is pretty entertaining, or "Way out" as the Beat's would say.

If Andre from The Horror Digest hasn't seen this then she really must, because this may be the holy grail of cat trauma. Nerdy, awkward busboy Walter Paisley dreams of being an artist. Instead, he serves coffee to the hip in this coffee shop/bar where Poets and Sax players spout total nonsense and everyone smokes. Walter is like the Mark Zuckerberg of his day: no social skills but a genius! One night, Walter accidentally kills his landlady's cat with a knife, as you do. He covers it up by covering up kitty in clay, and takes it to the coffee shop the next day. Everyone thinks he is a genius! "Cat with knife sticking through it" is a big hit! Because these people are all idiots and on horse! Horse is slang for Heroin, the only thing I really learned from this film.

Walter, played by the awesome Dick Miller, decided to murder more things in order to make more sculptures. Given that Walter is a class A idiot, the whole thing is actually kind of innocent and endearing. I mean, you are actually rooting for Walter because he is putting one over on these Beatnik snobs! Everything is going so well until Walter falls in love with the house watercolor artist. Beatnik chicks ruin everything!

Roger Corman is the Man. No doubt. This film is great, even if I didn't catch the humor angle. The whole thing was funny to me, but unintentionally so. Is Corman a genius? Yes. Duh.

Rec 2

2011-08-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hello! Yes, I am sorry it has been so long since I posted. Seriously, the only one really concerned seems to be my Dad, but I am regretful (is that a word?). I have a long list of excuses. What to hear em? Here we go!

I have had the Black Plague. I still am in the coughing up a lung phase.
Work has been particularly horrendous. I mean, they expect me to actually work hard ALL DAY and do reports and be innovative and all that shit. It is like Dilbert without all the humor.
I do not have a computer. Seriously, mine is broken. I am using my husband's and I can't figure it out (its a Mac) and I can't figure out posting from my phone. And seriously, I am not going to f-ing post from my phone. It would take me 5 hours to write a post. I have man hands.
Any free time is spent trying to get my house back in order. It looks like "Grey Gardens" pre-Jackie intervention. Seriously.

So those are my traumas. Please forgive me (Dad) for not posting in a while. Good news is that I have completely given up on my house and embraced the Beale lifestyle, which gives me more time to watch crappy horror, drink, and write about it. So here are my thoughts on Rec 2.

It was OK. I loved Rec, and I seriously enjoyed Quarantine. What was most interesting to me was the subtle differences between the two. Whereas the Spanish Rec hints at a supernatural or spiritual basis for the outbreak, Quarantine is straight up "Science is going to kill us all." I have not seen the sequel for Quarantine but it seems a little to Snakes on a Plane for my liking so I am going to skip it. Rec 2 takes place literally minutes after the first one ends. A SWAT team is sent into the apartment building with a mysterious Doctor to scope out the situation. The situation is, of course, nutso.

Rec 2 plays almost like a haunted house attraction at a State Fair. The scares are cheap and plentiful, but you feel kind of empty inside after it is all over. The supernatural element is interesting, but almost seems like a cheap out. I was reminded of the Paranormal Activity films. What should be a good old haunted house film turns into the complicated demon saga. Same with Rec. The Demons have ruined what could have been a good Zombie film. Hey, I am not anti-Demon. I love those little fuckers. Just don't pretend to be one thing and then throw in the Demon curve ball! I am also talking to you Insidious! We can't all be The Exorcist, all right?

Infected

2011-08-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hey! I am back from New York! I didn't find C.H.U.D. but I did get infected on the plane ride home. I kind of look and feel like this:

The good thing about having the plague is that all I can do is watch movies. As soon as I can see straight (and get over my craving for brains) I will write! I am not dead yet! Well, almost....

Going to look for C.H.U.D

2011-07-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

I am off to New York for work so I am afraid there will be no profanity laden insights from me for about a week. I mean, I could try to blog from my phone but I seem to have the worlds biggest, fattest fingers so I worry that the grammer and mispellings will be worse than usual. I will return with a review of the book Shock Value (I am the last Blogger to read it) and Rec 2. See you soon!

Black Death 2010 featuring Game of Thrones spoilers!

2011-07-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

WARNING: Major Spoilers in this post!

I am having major Game of Thrones withdrawal. That show is so damn good I was literally jumping around my living room during the season finale. I am now reading the books to get my fix until Spring 2012.

Part of my Game of Thrones addiction is my Sean Bean obsession, and I recently satisfied that craving by watching Black Death. Black Death is a "historical horror" film that rips off The Witchfinder General and The Wicker Man. Really, if you are going to rip off films, those are two pretty damn good films to rip off. Black Death was an enjoyable, gory yarn and after I was finished watching it I felt I had learned something. I learned that Sean Bean is AWESOME in everything he is in and his death on Game of Thrones was his SECOND most horrible, gory, tragic onscreen death.

1348. Medieval England. The Black Plague has devastated Europe. People believe it is an act of God to punish us for our sins. Rumors start to spread of a Village that has not be infected. A group of Soldiers led by Mr. Bean (did you know he recently got stabbed in a bar fight and instead of seeking medical attention ordered another drink? True story!) are sent to investigate. They bring a young Priest along with them. This Priest has a sweet little piece on the side, so obviously he is not the "holy" man they were expecting. When they are arrive in the Village they are at first greeted with open arms.

They are attended to by a beautiful woman named Langiva, played by Carice Van Houten. No one is sick, and Langiva soon convinces the young priest that she can "cure" the sickness. In fact, she can raise the dead. Obviously, Sean Bean is not having any of this and soon the torturing starts.

Like Wicker Man and Witchfinder General, Black Death makes the viewer repeatedly question what side they are on. The morally ambiguous actions of many of the characters are once understandable and unforgivable. This is a story with no happy ending. If you feel the need to get your 14th century on, I recommend Black Death.

Black Christmas 2006: Turn on a freakin' light!

2011-07-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

Black Christmas 2006 is the worst lit film I have ever seen in my life. Apologies to the Cinematographer, Director of Photography, and the entire Black Christmas crew. I am sure the Director told you to "keep it dark, make it creepy. We will light everything with Christmas lights, it will be awesome!" It wasn't awesome. It was too dark to see what the hell was going on. I was more confused than my 76 year old Father, who watched the film with me and had to tell me what was going on half the time. Throughout the film I was screaming "there is a light switch! Use it!" During the scene when the "power" went out I almost died laughing. How were they going to see without those Christmas lights? Even during the final showdown AT THE HOSPITAL there were no lights. What hospital is lit by tea lights?

It is shame, because this had the potential to be a good film. It is a remake of one of my favorite films, Black Christmas 1974. Scroll down a few posts and you will discover why I loved that film so much. Alright, I loved it for Olivia Hussey's hair (I'm obsessed.)

This follows the original pretty closely. Left-behind Sorority Sisters are spending Christmas together in their house. Andrea Martin, who was in the original, plays the house mother. Katie Cassidy, who I loved in Gossip Girl (don't judge) plays the Olivia Hussey role. Her hair does not even begin to compare. Dropped is the pregnancy/crazy boyfriend storyline in favor some back story about the killer in the attic. In the original, we know nothing about "Billy Lenz." Here we learn a lot, including the fact that he is yellow (!) and he had a baby with this mother. Yes, we are delving into V.C. Andrews territory here. That unholy union produced a daughter, who may be a member of the sorority.

Billy kills his parents, which was really the best decision for him, and gets put away in an asylum. The house gets turned into the sorority house. Billy breaks out, and the rest is rather predictable.

The girls are not nearly as interesting in this film. None of them are as memorable as a drunk Margo Kidder. There are a few good scares, and a nice "face in the Christmas Tree" creep-out. I am sure the gore was impressive, but again, the film was so dark you can't really see any of it. I mean, did anyone else have this problem with this film? I didn't hate this remake but it won't be on my X-mas viewing list.

Trailer: Dream House

2011-07-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

This has a great cast and intriguing premise but I am already tired watching the trailer.

Trailer: Paranormal Activity 3

2011-07-24T11:12:00.001-07:00

The scariest thing here are the 80's fashions! Ouch!

its on random....

2011-07-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Check out my profile on this awesome blog! Random Girl is a girl after my own heart!

... It's on Random: Get to know your Bloggers - Jen from Zombies are Magic

Thank you Random Girl! Coming soon: Black Death and Black Christmas. I am sensing a theme here...

The Raven

2011-07-22T07:02:00.000-07:00

Comic-con is upon us again and cool stuff is just starting to trickle out (I can't wait to hear about Game of Thrones). Here is a bit of coolness: the teaser poster for The Raven due out 3/19/2012. This is the one where John Cusack plays Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, March is the month were movies go to die, but I am still looking forward to this one. Thanks to "Shock till you Drop" for posting this.

Titus 1999

2011-07-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you get an itch you just need to scratch and this week my itch was Julie Taymor's version of Will Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. Titus is a full fledged horror film. In Shake's day it was called a "tragedy" but trust me, this is full on Goth horror. I saw this when it was released, well before we all knew Julie Taymor as the person who was fired from Spiderman: Turn of the Dark. I remember being deeply disturbed by it and thinking that Shakespeare was one fucked up individual. Seeing it again I am more convinced than ever that this is true.

For those of you unfamiliar let me give you a run down of some of the crazy messed up shit that happens in this play. Titus Andronicus (Anthony Hopkins) has just returned to Rome after defeating the Goth's in a 10 year battle. He has brought with him the Goth Queen, Tamora (Jessica Lange, pre face-lift) and her sons as prisoners. To appease the dead, Titus executes Tamora's oldest son, despite her pleas to save his life. She vows revenge and Shakespeare teaches us a very important lesson: Don't piss of Goth Queens!

The Roman Emperor dies and the people elect Titus as their new leader. Being a loyal soldier, Titus refuses the honor and instead nominates the Emperor's oldest son, Saturninus (Alan Cumming). Saturninus chooses Titus's daughter, Lavinia, as his bride, despite the fact that she is already betrothed to his brother, Bassianus. Lavinia and Bassianus run away, assisted by Titus's other sons. Titus declares them all traders and kills one of his own sons during the pursuit. I realize this is a lot of explainin' but trust me this is going somewhere.

During all of this Saturninus decides to make Tamora his bride. Tamora convinces Saturninus to spare Titus and his family. Her motive is clear: she intends to take her own revenge on the General who killed her son. She enlists her lover, a Moor that was captured alongside her, to destroy Titus and his family. What follows is a brief summary of some of the horrible shit that ensues:

Emperor's brother stabbed to death
Lavinia raped
Lavinia's tongue cut out
Lavinia's hands cut off, replaced with branches
Two of Titus's sons are set up for murder
Titus's hand cut off
Titus's sons are beheaded
Lavinia carries around Titus's hand in her mouth
Titus writes with blood from his stump
Tamora's other two sons killed like pigs and then baked into a pie
a Baby almost gets hanged
Tamora eats her son/pie.
Then understandably sticks her hand down her throat
Lavinia killed by Titus
Tamora killed by Titus with a knife in the neck
Titus killed via candlestick to the heart
Saturninus killed via spoon shoved in his mouth and out the back of his skull
a Baby almost gets killed. Again.

The moral of the story is that revenge is a dish that includes the flesh of the children of your mortal enemy. Actually, revenge is a dish that makes monsters of us all. This play was very popular during Shakespeare's time but fell out of favor during the Victorian years. No shit. This is worse than a lot of things that can be found in contemporary horror. Sure, people may get sewn together ass to mouth, but to babies get hanged? I think not.

This film is interesting and bloody, but a little long. I think if it was remade today it would go even farther as far as gore and horror are concerned. What stuck in my mind seeing it in 1999 and again recently was the image I have included above. I remember having nightmares about it in 1999 and probably will again tonight. Branch hands are scary. So is Shakespeare.

Scary Television Opening Themes...

2011-07-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

In Search Of...

Unsolved Mysteries

America's Most Wanted

X files theme

Friday the 13th: The Series

Twin Peaks

I am sure someone has already done this, and better, but In Search of inspired me to collect some of my personal "most scary" television theme music together. I used to run and hide in the bathroom until the theme for Unsolved Mysteries was over.

Incident at Loch Ness 2004

2011-07-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

Incident at Loch Ness is a film within a film within a film meta faux documentary which is as tiring as it sounds. Unfortunately, it is not as interesting as it sounds, despite featuring Werner Herzog playing himself.

I don't remember this coming out in 2004 (in fact I don't remember too much of 2004 in general) but it was obvious to me that this was a con from the start. That made it nothing more than an interesting yet dull experiment in my eyes. Filmmaker John Bailey is making a documentary about Werner Herzog entitled Herzog in Wonderland. Herzog is about to embark on his own documentary, a look at the legend of the Loch Ness Monster entitled Enigma at Loch Ness. The producer of Herzog's documentary is one Zach Penn, an untested producer/director/writer who at that point was best known for coming up with the ideas for X2 and The Last Action Hero. Penn and Herzog have very different ideas about the documentary. Herzog wants to explore WHY people need the legend of the Loch Ness Monster, whereas Penn seems to want to make a titty action film.

The crew go to Scotland and things start to fall apart almost immediately. It becomes clear that two of the "experts" Penn hires are actors. The DP and Sound man leave the shoot. Herzog threatens to leave but decides to stay when he begins to suspect that something really may be in the water. All the action is caught by Bailey's team, and they too become part of the storyline.

I just made it sound a whole lot better than it actually is. I love Werner Herzog... he pulled a gun on Kinski and ate a shoe. How could you not love him? And he is great here. The film just didn't work, even as a faux documentary. It is not scary, not for one minute was I fooled ala Blair Witch, and everyone, who all play themselves, is annoying, with the exception of Herzog.

If you want to get your Herzog fix may I recommend Cave of Forgotten Dreams, Encounters at the end of the World, Grizzly Man, or My Best Fiend. If you want to get your Loch Ness fix may I recommend that spooky old show hosted by Spock: In Search of...

Black Christmas 1974

2011-06-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

My life has been changed thanks to TCM. For some reason, in the middle of June, they played Bob Clark's Black Christmas. I was fortunate enough to see that it was playing and hit "record" on the DVR. See, I had never seen Black Christmas despite it's reputation as "the first slasher" (debatable, I know) and the fact that it was directed by Clark, who made two of my favorite films, A Christmas Story and Porky's (don't hate: you love Porky's, you know you do.)

I have no good excuse for never seeing Black Christmas, I have just never gotten around to it. Maybe I needed to be at the right time in my life, emotionally and intellectually, to appreciate the massive awesomeness of this film. This film is so massively awesome on so many levels I need to resort to my favorite lazy writing technique: the list. Here we go...

1. Olivia Hussey's hair. I almost could not pay attention to the plot due to the magnificence of Ms. Hussey's hair. It's so shiny and beautiful. She must have washed it in baby tears to get it that soft. Seriously, I have a serious girl crush on Olivia Hussey circa 1974! She plays Jess, one of the sorority sisters who lives in this house that is targeted by a deranged killer hiding in the Attic. Jess is the final girl but she is no saint. She is knocked up and has decided to terminate the pregnancy. Good decision considering the father is......

2. Keir Dullea! I have been obsessed with Keir Dullea ever since I went through my "serious" film phase and watched 2001: A Space Odyssey 20 times. What happened with him? He should have been a bigger star. Keir plays Peter, Baby daddy. He is a music major and borderline psycho. He does not want Jess to have an abortion, and goes ape shit when she tells him she is going to anyway. He also wears a turtleneck throughout most of the film, so you know that he is disturbed. Never trust a man in a turtleneck.

3. The Killer hiding in the house. Clark never shows us the killer. We just get glimpses of him like the one seen above. All we know is that he is hiding in the house, watching the girls as they prepare to leave on Christmas break. He may also be making disturbing phone calls to the house, shouting nonsense about "Billy" and "Agnes." He stalks and kills in interesting ways. His first victim, Claire, gets asphyxiated and put in the Attic. She is left facing the window, "watching" the action so to speak. Another poor girl gets killed with a crystal unicorn. It was the Seventies man.

4. It was the Seventies man! The fashions are so cool. Look at this guy: he is wearing a fur jacket! He wears it throughout the film! Abortion is a hot topic and handled with sensitivity and from a woman's perspective. Shit, that doesn't happen in today's films. Margo Kidder is in it! And she plays a sexually liberated woman who wants to drink and have fun and doesn't feel bad about it! Yes, she gets killed, but not first!

Seriously, I loved this movie. Great cast, damn good directing, and really good scares. I found myself screaming at screen. "Don't go upstairs Olivia Hussey! He might harm your hair!" I like that the ending is totally ambiguous, that nice people die, and that poor Jess, although a Final Girl, will be fucked up for the rest of her life. Plus, the whole thing is so "Christmas-y." Bob Clark really knew how to lay on Christmas. Now, every December, in addition to A Christmas Story, I can watch Black Christmas and revel in the Yuletide joy.

Coming Soon: Black Christmas

2011-06-28T09:26:00.001-07:00

Bad Blogger! I know it has been a while: I am just lazy lately. But I am really excited to write about Black Christmas, which I have just seen for the first time. In the meantime, enjoy the trailer....

Commerical interuption by Rob Zombie

2011-06-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

So this Woolite ad is really directed by Rob Zombie. I think it is the best thing he has done in years. And it makes me want to buy Woolite.

Rest Stop: Don't look back 2008

2011-06-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

I am not quite sure why Rest Stop: Don't look back showed up at my house. I like to think that Netflix just randomly sends me shit. I don't think this was the case. At some point I put this on my queue and forgot about it. Why I did I will never know. Turns out Rest Stop: Don't look back is a sequel. Yes, to Rest Stop. Which I never saw. Didn't know it was a sequel, still don't know why I added it to my queue.

It sat on my dining room table for 2 months. A clue that I should just put it back in the mail. Yesterday I was bored so I popped it in. I won't say that Rest Stop: Don't look back is the worst horror film I have ever seen. It is not even the worst film I have seen all year. But I did feel like I had lost an hour and a half of my life that I will never have back. I felt sad for all that I could have been doing besides watching Rest Stop: DLB. I could have been volunteering, or communing with nature. I could have cleaned the bathroom or played free cell. Instead I was watching this sad excuse of a slasher/torture porn/ghost film.

A short plot description. A hot frat type guy who cannot act to save his life is back from the service. He decides to take a road trip with his hot boozy girlfriend and dorky best friend to find his brother who went missing a year ago. I guess the brother and his girlfriend were the stars of the first film. Keep in mind, I had no idea this was a sequel. It wouldn't have helped. They find clues to the friends whereabouts and figure that their disappearance must be related to the asshole in the big yellow truck who keeps following them and trying to kill them. Oh, and everyone is a ghost. Normally I love ghosts but these ones are just annoying. We see the girl's tits and everyone gets tortured. The end.

I have many, many problems with this film, the first and foremost is that it is BORING. Nothing makes sense, the dialog is terrible, the acting is worse, the torture is pointless, and really, everyone is a ghost? This sequel doesn't make me want to seek out the original. I would recommend Wolf Creek over this any day. Similar vibe, but a whole lot scarier.

Rare Book Review: The Passage

2011-06-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Post Apocalyptic horror is one of my favorite genres. I can trace this back to reading The Stand when I was about 13. The Passage by Justin Cronin reminds me of The Stand in more ways than one. Not only is it about a group of post apocalyptic survivors trying to survive while understanding the meaning of their lives, but it also has a subtle (well, more subtle than The Stand) religious undercurrent. Not that Cronin or King are trying to push religion on anyone. It just that when things seem the worst, when there seems to be no reason to go on living, we all need something, some kind of magic or faith, to get us through.

The Apocalypse in The Passage begins as most apocalypses do, with the U.S. Government. A plant found in South America seems to possess magical healing powers: powers that could really help the U.S. Army. The Government begins experiments on Death Row inmates. When these experiments don't go so well, they decide to try the drug on a child. The child they choose, Amy, will go on to become "the girl who saves the world." But you won't see it in this book. The Passage is the first book in a planned trilogy. We jump 90 years into the future when most of mankind has been wiped out by the "virals", vampire like creatures that were produced as a result of these experiments. The virals need to feed on humans. They are sensitive to light and seem to live forever. They don't show much intelligence but they seem to hunt in packs. They are essentially zombie/vampire hybrids. A group of survivors find Amy, still alive 90 years later and hardly aged. Amy seems to possess special powers. It is as if she can "control" the virals. Driven by some unknown force, Peter Jaxon, one of the survivors, decides he must take Amy to Colorado where the outbreak began. So begins our journey.

I liked The Passage very much. It is a real page turner and you really get to know and care for the characters. Having said that, be aware that it is a trilogy. The book just kind of ends: it's not even a very good cliffhanger. I want to know what happens, I just wish the ending of THIS book could have been more satisfying. Scary in parts, weepy in parts, I highly recommend The Passage. Just be sure you know that it is going to be a MAJOR time commitment.

The Call of Cthulhu 2005

2011-06-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Who knows the end? What has risen may sink, and what has sunk may rise. Loathsomeness waits and dreams in the deep, and decay spreads over the tottering cities of men.

H.P. Lovecraft "The Call of Cthulhu"

Damn I love H.P. Lovecraft! When I read his stories I always feel as if I am slipping into a fever dream. I can't read too much at once, in case I wake up in the middle of the night chanting in some ancient, unknown language. One of his most famous stories is The Call of Cthulhu, and understandably so. I mean, who doesn't love Cthulhu? Regarded by many as "unfilmable", this story, published in 1928, features the great and powerful Cthulhu in his first major appearance. Director Andrew Leman and the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society decided the best way to film it was as if it was being made in 1928. Hence we have a black and white silent film that looks like it could have been made by F.W. Murnau.

There are a few reasons that I really love this film. I have always loved silent films. I love the look, I love the history, I love that they forced you to use your imagination. Plus, they look so damn cool! Another reason I love this film is that it is perfect for Lovecraft's story. What he writes is almost too horrible to imagine, much less see on the big screen. The simple special effects, the emphasis on atmosphere, and the other worldliness of silent cinema just seem to fit Lovecraft. I don't want to see this CGI'd to death and starring Shia LaBeouf. I want to be left unsettled. This short film was unsettling, but in that warm and fuzzy good way that horror hounds love.

The Call of Cthulhu is on Netflix instant play (best invention EVER.) Do yourself a favor and carve out 40 minutes to watch it. Just be careful that you don't carve out your eyes afterwards. Lovecraft does have a tendency to drive one insane.......

Apes trailer 2

2011-06-05T09:08:00.001-07:00

Alright-- this is the LAST movie I thought I would be excited to see this summer but after seeing the first trailer I jumped aboard the Ape train. I am even more jazzed after seeing this second trailer. Despite feeling that James Franco is seriously miscast: I am loving this film already!

Zombie proof house

2011-06-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

This is pretty damn good and quite beautiful for a fortress. Check it out at: http://all-that-is-interesting.com/post/4956385434/the-first-zombie-proof-house
I especially like the drawbridge.

Happy Birthday Vincent Price

2011-05-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

I have posted this many times: it is still my favorite tribute to the Master of the Macabre!

Hatchet 2

2011-05-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

Adam Green, I really, really want to like your films. You seem like a cool guy, you are very knowledgeable about the horror genre and you even like cats! But I have not liked a single one of your films. Hatchet was a let down, Frozen jumped the shark with the wolves, and Hatchet 2 took me two weeks to watch.

So it pains me to write this review (not as much as it pained me to watch the movie, and not nearly as much as it will pain you, my dear reader, to read my review.) Lets start with the positive: some of the kills were quite inventive. My favorite was the doggie style beheading. See the film and you will know what I am talking about. The gore effects are good, and Tony Todd gives it his all (as usual) as Reverend Zombie, the Voodoo master/charlatan who has a strong, financial reason to clear the swamp of the dreaded Victor Crowley.

Now to the bad: the film was really boring. Danielle Harris plays Marybeth, the only survivor from the first film. She leads a ragtag group of hunters back in to the swamp to gather the remains of her family and kill Victor Crowley for good. No one she brings with her is very interesting with the exception of Reverend Zombie. Tom Holland, Director of Fright Night and Child's Play has a role as Marybeth's Uncle, whom Zombie requested join the group. His character is not interesting, it just interesting that Green got Holland to do the film.

Green gives Crowley some more back story, and Kane Hodder returns as both Victor and his Father. It is made clear in this film that Crowley is actually a ghost: a very pissed off ghost that can kill people. Why Marybeth or Zombie thinks they can shut him down for good is beyond me. In any case, this is the Green explains why Crowley can't be killed and what distinguishes it from other slasher films.

Frozen was a big improvement over Hatchet (and much better than Hatchet 2) and I look forward to seeing Green's next film. I just hope it isn't another Hatchet. He was heading in the right direction with Frozen. Keep heading in that direction Mr. Green.

Just in time for the Rapture

2011-05-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am sure you have all seen by now that the CDC has FINALLY put up tips for surviving the upcoming (6pm!) Zombie Apocalypse. Actually, I don't think Harold Camping has said much about the rise of the zombies on Judgement Day, but a girl can dream, right?
http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp

The Burning

2011-05-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

Where have you been all my life The Burning? How could I grow up going to countless slumber parties and not see you once? Heck, I hadn't even heard of you until you were mentioned in "HorrorHound" magazine. This, despite starring such future Hollywood heavyweights such as Jason Alexander, Holly Hunter, and Fisher Stevens? And really, why is Fisher Stevens? Just asking.

The 1981 Slasher was one of the first films from "Miramax." Yes, before producing such Oscar bait as The English Patient and The King's Speech (which I still can't believe beat The Social Network for best picture), the Brothers Weinstein were making cheapo Friday the 13th rip-offs. The Burning begins when a Summer Camp prank goes horribly wrong. Four teenagers decide to get even with mean old "Cropsy", the caretaker at the camp. The prank goes pretty well until Cropsy catches on fire. Five years later, Cropsy is released from the hospital after a series of unsuccessful skin grafts. After killing a prostitute, Cropsy returns to the woods to wreak havoc on on the "they are to old for summer camp" teenagers staying there.

After what seems to be a million false scares, Cropsy starts a killin' and maiming a group that have gone on an extended canoe trip. Included in this group are Jason Alexander (with a full head of hair: he is a teenager but looks about 35), Holly Hunter (who has one line but probably comes of best here), and one of my least favorite actors in the world, Fisher Stevens. I have no reason for disliking Fisher Stevens really, I just do. If him and Shia LaBeouf were in a film together, even if it was the most awesome thing ever filmed, I would probably actively protest it. If Julia Roberts also starred, my head might explode.

Back to the film. Cropsy targets the usual suspects: teenagers having sex, the loner weirdo, anyone who goes off in the woods by themselves. There are a few things different about this Slasher that I liked. The first is the infamous "raft" scene. I had heard about this and Tom Savini's amazing make-up and special effects work on it. What I did not expect is how scary it was. The build is well done, and when the actual slaughtering begins, it is quick and dirty and shocking. I loved it. The second thing I liked about this film is there is a lot of carnage, but also a lot of survivors. Most of the kids make it out, and instead of a "final girl" we get two "final guys," including one who really should have been killed off. It was different, and that is surprising in a cookie cutter slasher. I also loved the 80's fashions. They are really the best.

Zombies are Magic Fashion report

2011-05-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

I love fashion but don't talk about it much, due in part to the fact that I possess no fashion sense of my own. I did come across the designer Jean Charles de Castelbajac recently and I am totally obsessed. I think even a horror hound could love his work. Check it out at http://www.jc-de-castelbajac.com/index.html

Coming soon: The Burning

2011-05-16T10:14:00.001-07:00

Vincent Price Night: Dragonwyck

2011-05-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

Dragonwyck is not a horror film, despite the awesome name and the Vincent Price-ness. It is a Gothic romance in the tradition of Rebecca but with a much less happy ending. Recommended to me by my parents (!), Dragonwyck stars a very young, handsome, tall Vincent Price as Nicholas Van Ryn, a 19th century wealthy American land owner. Van Ryn is a Patroon, the American equivalent of a feudal lord. I didn't know such things ever existed, but they did. Gene Tierney plays the young, naive Miranda Wells, a distant relation of Van Ryn. When Van Ryn writes her family and offers to hire her as a Governess for his young daughter, Miranda jumps at the chance to escape her provincial existence.

Miranda is beautiful and innocent, the complete opposite of Van Ryn's wife. He falls in love with his young charge, and she with him. The only thing left to do is murder the wife and marry the Governess, which happens in short order. Miranda knows nothing of the murder part. She only knows that she loves Van Ryn, despite some serious warnings from local villagers and the help about him and Dragonwyck. Not only is the house haunted (a strange little subplot that really goes nowhere) but Van Ryn is haunted too. When their child, a son, dies, Van Ryn goes crazy ala Henry VIII.

Well, he doesn't as much go crazy as he becomes a raving drug addict. It is up to the local Doctor to save Miranda from the out of control Patroon.

From what I understand this was one of Vincent Price's first "leading man" roles. He is amazing. Handsome, dangerous, brooding: perfect for Van Ryn. You could see why Miranda would fall in love with him, and despite all of his terrible deeds, you feel sorry for him in the end. Dragonwyck is a good Gothic romance with just enough atmosphere to keep a horror fan interested.

Gene Tierney and Vincent Price made four films together. Dragonwyck, Laura, Hudson's Bay, and one of the creepiest films I have ever seen, Leave her to Heaven. Gene Tierney gives an incredible performance in Leave her to Heaven. Price has a small role in the film, but as usual he is top notch. If you find yourself with nothing to do on a dark and stormy night may I suggest a Gene Tierney/Vincent Price movie marathon? I would substitute The Ghost and Mrs. Muir for Hudson's Bay. It doesn't have Price in it, but Rex Harrison's ghost is a sight to behold!