Merry Christmas- I'm over it.

Sorry it has been so long since I posted anything significant.... Actual work life tends to get in the way of horror watching this time of year.  I did stumble across this nice little video to get me in the mood for some holiday mayhem.  Thank you Peaches Christ for the heads up...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  It is 10:30 am my time and I am wondering if it is too early to start drinking.  This very well may be the scene at my house later. 

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

It's like an Inbred Cannibal bonanza up in here!!!  Who would have thought I would be so lucky to watch so many Inbred Cannibal films in so short a time.  First it was The Offspring.  Then, last night, I caught the last 20 minutes of Wrong Turn on HBO.  That prompted me to run right out and rent Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings.   Initially I was a bit worried because I don't think I have seen Wrong Turn 3.  Then I figured that at this point it really doesn't matter.  They are all the same movie and they are all wonderful to my eyes...

 WT4, as it shall henceforth be known, is a prequel.  We are introduced to the nasty inbred brothers Three Fingers, One Eye, and Saw Tooth.  They are locked away in a Sanatorium for nasty Inbred Cannibals.  I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Three Fingers, even more so now that I have learned that he cut off and ate his own fingers, hence the nickname.  The brothers break out of the Sanatorium and kill the shit out of everyone there.  I mean, they really kill the shit out them.  Take a look.......

Cut to a few years later.  A bunch of idiotic College students are planning a weekend getaway at some remote cabin in the woods.   They get lost on while riding their awesome snowmobiles and end up at the abandoned.............Sanatorium!!  Which you just know those nasty Inbred Cannibal brothers still live at!  Yes, these College idiots are going to get the shit killed out of them! 

Watching this film I found myself thinking that it may be the best comedy of the year!  The kids are so stupid!  They repeatedly make the horror film mistakes of splitting up and having sex.  Each and everyone of them are assholes and I was really rooting for the cannibals throughout.  The kills are super over the top and the ending had me rolling on the floor laughing.  Good times all around. 

I may have to take a break from this genre for a while.  I don't think it's healthy to watch too many Inbred Cannibal films at once.  I once read a book about real life cannibals and I didn't feel right for a long time.  My Dad made the astute observation that I probably like this genre because Inbred Cannibals are so close to Zombies.  That may be right but I will always choose Zombies.  Zombies are so much sweeter.

The Offspring 2009

Sometimes I need a good inbred cannibal film to lift my spirits.  Naturally, when I saw that IFC was playing Jack Ketchum's The Offspring I got very excited.  I only recently got into Jack Ketchum.  I have read about 4 of his books and I have appreciated them all.  I can't say that I have "enjoyed" them or even "liked" them, and I did need a shower after finishing them.  But, they are interesting to me, and they do offer a stress relief of a sort for me, much like inbred cannibal films.   

If you have read Ketchum's The Offspring then you pretty much know the movie.  It follows the source material pretty closely.  Directed by Andrew van den Houten and starring a bunch of unknown actors, The Offspring has a lot of gore, a lot of cannibalism, and a little rape and child killin' thrown in for good measure.  I wanted to take a shower after seeing this film.

In other words, The Offspring is not for the faint of heart, much like Ketchum's books.  The acting is pretty second rate (with two exceptions) and the pace is a bit off, but the gore is good. 

The acting exceptions are Pollyanna McIntosh, who plays the main cannibal.  Pollyanna is reprising her role in Lucky McKee's The Woman, which could be considered a sequel of sorts.  The other stand out is Art Hindle, who also produced the film...

Art Hindle is one of my favorite character actors and I think he should have had a bigger career. Look how bad ass he looks!  Hindle plays the alcoholic ex-cop who investigates the cannibal murders.  Hindle has starred in awesome movies and TV shows such as The Invasion of the Body Snatcher, The Brood, Friday the 13th the Series, and Beverly Hills 90210.  Most importantly, he starred in the Porky's movies.  Damn, I love the Porky's movies.  They are one of my top guilty pleasures, along with Flowers in the Attic and Deep Blue Sea.  I was very sad when I heard the actor who played the coolest Porky, Tommy Turner, passed away.

R.I.P Wyatt Knight.

This news made me so sad I might need another inbred cannibal film to lift me up. 

Zombie Comics: Pardon my Planet

Vic Lee's Pardon my Planet.  Zombies often make a guest appearance. 

Paranormal Activity 3

 I almost didn't write this post because I really don't have much to say about Paranormal Activity 3.  I know some people loved it but to me it was just more of the same.  A prequel of sorts, PA3 shows the haunted sisters Katie and Kristi has little girls.  Trouble starts when little Kristi begins talking to an imaginary friend named Toby. 

Strange things start to happen around the house and Dennis, the boyfriend of the girl's mother Julie, sets up cameras around the house to figure out exactly what is going on.  Yes, pretty much the same set up as the other films. 

There are a few things I like about this version.  Directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (Catfish) deliver the scares.  I particularly like the oscillating fan/camera and the "ghost" who scares the babysitter.  I also appreciate the continuity between the films.  Katie's boyfriend in the original film looks just like Dennis.  The Featherston girls all have the same terrible decorating tastes.  What I don't understand is the ending and how it relates to the other films.  I don't want to give anything away, but it is clear that the girls are under control of a evil force.  I don't understand why they are so "surprised" when bad mojo starts to happen years later.  Perhaps PA 4 and 5 will explain this. 

I like the Paranormal Activity films but they are beginning to feel like a yearly chore, ala Saw.  Maybe they should give it a rest for a few years and then come back and really scare the pants off us.

Rare Book Review: Who Goes There?

October turned out to be all things Thing for me.  I saw the shitty prequel, re-watched the amazing original and the even more amazing Carpenter re-make, survived The Thing haunted attraction at Universal Studios, and finally, read the original short story all of this is based on: Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell Jr. 

First appearing in Astounding Stories in 1938, Who Goes There? is a classic tale of fear and paranoia set in Antarctica.  Those familiar with Carpenter's film will be familiar with this story: The Thing follows the novella pretty closely.  A group of 37 men are doing scientific research in Antarctica when they discover a ship frozen in ice (The Thing prequel released this year actually follows this part of the story.)   They also discover the alien pilot, frozen in ice.  They take the specimen back to their base and attempt to thaw if out for further research.  Bad idea.....

It soon becomes clear to the men that this "thing" is still alive, and able to "imitate" both man and beast.  It also is telepathic, an element that is missing from the film.  Second in Command McReady (upgraded from pilot) takes over when it becomes clear Commander Garry may be compromised.  McReady develops a "test" similar to the one in Carpenter's film.  Only during this test, 14 men a proven to be "thing" and they are immediately killed.  There is no messing around in this story...

I loved Who Goes There?  It is fast paced, scary, and funny as hell.  The humor in this story is something I found missing in every filmed version.  I don't want to give anything away, but lets just say the ending is a bit more upbeat here than in Carpenter's film.  My only complaint is that there are too many characters: it gets a bit hard to keep track.  One complaint about Carpenter's film is that there are no women, something the prequel tried to remedy.  Well, there are no women in this story either.  Just a whole lot of dogs, a lot of hairy stinky men, and one nasty "thing." 

So now I would like to introduce my first Thing ranking.  Most loved to least loved..

1.The Thing 1982

2.Who Goes There? 1938

3.The Thing from Another World 1951

4.Any Thing rip off film every made

5.The Thing: The Musical

6.The Thing 2011

I hope this helps you with all of your "Thing" needs...

"Because they came from another sun, a star beyond the stars.  They came from a world with a bluer sun."

 

Back from vacation and awarded!!

I'm back and had a wonderful time pretending to be a 5 year old at Walt Disney World and Universal Studios.  Went to my first Halloween Horror Nights and it was awesome.  The Thing attraction was out of control and I got my first Edgar Allen Poe tribute tattoo.  But enough about me!  I would like to thank Annie Walls at http://annie-walls-author.blogspot.com/ for this awesome award!!

I lurve awards!!  Thank you Annie!  Your blog is awesome.  Now I am supposed to award this to 5 blogs that everyone should read and follow!!!

The Spooky Vegan

It's on Random

Two Gory Chicks

The Horror Cats

Too much Horror Fiction

So check them out.  Now, I promise an actual horror related post is coming soon.  I am still coming off the high of everyone calling me "Princess" for a week.  It really takes so little to make me happy.....

What does Liebster mean?