Sunday, July 8, 2012

Return to Horror High

I have finally seen a film that makes less sense than Prometheus and it is Return to Horror High. How confusing is Horror High?  It contains flashbacks, flashforwards, dream flashes, scenes you think are real but are really just a movie being filmed (more on that in a minute), scenes you think are the movie being filmed that are real, flashbacks that exist is some kind of netherworld between the movie being filmed and reality, and a disappearing Clooney.

Yes, Mr. George Clooney, in what may have been one of his first film roles.  Spoiler alert: he dies first.

So here is the deal.  A film crew has descended upon Crippen high to make a movie about some grisly murders that took place there a few years ago.  The killer was never caught, but this seems to bother no one, because you would have to have a brain to be bothered, and I don't think anyone involved in this film had grey matter.

I think this is supposed to be a "horror/comedy" (it was released in 1987) but it features neither horror nor comedy.  It does feature Maureen McCormick as a nympho cop (another totally out of place element that convinces me they started shooting this trash without a script.)

The ending makes no sense whatsoever.  Turns out everyone you thought was dead was just pretending to get publicity for the movie.  However, the actual killer was hiding in the basement.  And Clooney might have really got killed.  I am not sure what happened. 

I usually really like this kind of stuff but seeing this so soon after Prometheus just really pissed me off.  The only thing I really liked about this film was the really weird sex scene that played like a Duran Duran video featuring welders.  Lookie!  I found it!  I just saved you the hassle of watching this film.  You are welcome.

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