Silent Hill: Revelation 3D

I love Silent Hill.  One of my favorite guilty pleasure movies.  I was excited to hear about Silent Hill: Revelation, especially since Sean Bean, Radha Mitchell, and Deborah Kara Unger were returning.  To me that meant this wasn't going to be some nonsensical sequel that shares a name, a nothing much else, in common with the original.  I never made it to the theatre: the previews didn't wow me.  But I was excited to see it turn up on DVD.  Once again, I let high expectations lead me down the path of disappointment.  Two hours of my precious life wasted!!  Whaaaa!!!!!!!

It's not that bad, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  We learn that little Sharon DID make it out of Silent Hill alive, thanks to Mom (Mitchell) who found some "key" that allowed her to return.  Sharon and her Father (Bean: awesome in a drunk sort of way) spend the next few years on the run.  Sharon, now named Heather, thinks it is because Dad killed a man in Portland.  Really it because "people" from Silent Hill keep coming after Heather, and her Father swore to protect her.

Of course, he fails, and Heather soon finds herself back in Silent Hill, accompanied by the mysterious Vincent, played by Kit Harington from Game of Thrones.  Yes, we do get a brief GOT reunion between Bean and Jon Snow.  That was the best part of the movie.  Really.  And it had nothing to do with the movie.

This guy is back.  So are the nurses, but they are not nearly as cool or scary as they are in the original.  You know who is always cool and scary?

Malcolm Fucking McDowell.  He has an extended cameo, proving, once and for all, that he will be in ANY movie for enough money.  Same goes for Bean and Carrie-Ann Moss.  Carrie-Ann Moss!  What happened to your career?  You were so great and you are so awful in this! 

Heather fights all sorts of baddies blah blah blah the end.  From what I understand if you play the game there are a lot of cool Easter eggs in this film.  I was and am clueless.  It bugged me how much the lead actress, Adelaide Clemens, looked like Michelle Williams.  She should sue.  Really.