Happy Belated Birthday...

Cthulhu is punishing me for forgetting the Master's birthday. Yesterday was HP Lovecraft's birthday. Instead of sacrificing something (my pride?) at the alter of Cthulhu, I went to see the old Joan Crawford flick "The Women" at the Stanford Theatre. Joan Crawford IS a scary bitch so at least I did something horror related. Happy Birthday Buddy. Thanks for all the nightmares.

But some of us awake in the night with strange phantasms

of enchanted hills

and gardens, of fountains

that sing in the sun, of golden cliffs overhanging

murmuring seas,

of plains that stretch down to sleeping cities of bronze and

stone,

and of shadowy companies of heroes that ride caparisoned white horses

along the edges of thick forests;

and then we know that we have looked back

through the ivory gates into that world of wonder

which was ours before we were

wise and unhappy.

-HP Lovecraft.

The Wolfman

This film was going to be released in 2008. It was pushed back to 2009. Now it is not opening until 2010. Usually not a good sign but this trailer doesn't look half bad. Could the film actually be good? I love old school shit like this so I am keeping my fingers crossed. No blue Aliens is a plus!

The Blue Man Group

I don't have much time to write before I go be miserable at work (quit bitching) but I wanted to let you (my 4? readers) know that "District 9" is, indeed, awesome. It is like Gene Roddenberry and David Cronenberg met, fell in love, and gave birth to this movie (highly unlikely.) It has heart, action, just enough gore, and "it is not hard to figure out" social commentary. Neill Blomkamp, the Director, is going to be huge! Can't wait for his next film.... and District 10 which should be out in about 3 years...

I was a bit late getting to this movie so I missed one preview (you know how I like previews.) Of course, this was the Mother of all previews, "Avatar." I ran into the theatre only to see one blue head and the screen go blank. So, high on "District 9," I rushed home to the trusty internet and watched this.....

Not enough Sam Worthington, too many blue people. Why am I getting a sinking feeling in my chest? Please tell me this is not going to suck.

Histoires Extraordinaires....

AKA "Spirits of the Dead" AKA "Better enjoyed if stoned." "Histoires Extraordinaires" is another AIP "omnibus" film from 1968 when everything was really groovy and Jane Fonda didn't wear pants. Directors Roger Vadim (crazy,) Louis Malle (how did he get mixed up in this fuckery?) and Federico Fellini (more crazy) put their stamp on three tales by Edgar Allan Poe. Vadim does "Metzengerstein" and films it like a medieval prequel to "Barbarella." Jane Fonda stars as Countess Federica, a debauched heiress who lives only for pleasure and cruelty (so far so good.) She gets the hots for her Cousin (played by Brother Peter Fonda... eww!) and when he rebuffs her she sets fire to his stables, accidentally killing him in the process. She then gets unnaturally close to a horse and continues to go around pant less. Now, I have not read "Metzengerstein," (it is sitting next to the computer, I am getting to it, I swear,) but I can bet good money that this was not the vision Poe had in mind. But what the hell do I know. Maybe that story is about a chick who walks around without pants on and has orgies and takes baths with other women. Who knows. Don't let that description make you think this part of the film is any good. Its not.

The next sequence, by Malle, is "William Wilson," which, of all three segments, sticks pretty closely to the original story. "William Wilson" is one of my favorite Poe tales, and this sequence is my favorite from the film (although critics at the time seem to think it was boring. It has nudity, come on!) Alain Delon stars as Wilson, another debauched youth who is being haunted by a do-good er doppelganger (I love made up words.) Bridget Bardot co-stars as a women he tries to swindle.

The final sequence, by Fellini, is entitled "Toby Dammit" and it is VERY loosely based on "Never Bet the Devil Your Head." This short flick is so trippy I just watched it with my jaw hanging open. Terence Stamp stars as a 1960s Lindsey Lohan type but with talent. He agrees to star in a film about the life of Jesus Christ, re imagined as a Western. Half-mad and alcoholic, Dammit starts seeing visions of a young girl dressed in white bouncing a ball. The young girl, it turns out, is the Devil come to claim Dammit. In between is a lot of Fellini-esque nonsense, which is both hysterical and ridiculous. This part was my least favorite, but critics at the time LOVED it. It was even released on its own and called a "lost" Fellini masterpiece.

I am taking a break from "omnibus" films for a while. I just got "Dexter" Season Three and that will be occupying all of my valuable time. Keeping fingers crossed for expected "Inglorious Basterds" awesomeness this weekend.

I Spit on Your Grave..

AKA: Day of the Woman. Not much to say about this one. Didn't bother me when I was 5, doesn't bother me now.



Just kidding, I as at least 15 when I saw this. I do have a very vivid memory of my Sister Rhonda describing to me, in great detail, the entire film. She really loved the bathroom scene and made sure that I knew every frame of it. See, she ruined it for me! I was probably 10. This post should really be on Kindertrauma (http://www.kindertrauma.com/.) Although I don't feel in the least bit dirty for watching this flick, my 4 readers (I think I might have lost one) will feel dirty reading a blog post about it, so all I have to say about "I Spit on Your Grave" is: great title.

Legion

OMG! Thank you Christ above that I have this film to look forward to in 2010! I was laughing and dancing around the room like a little girl while watching this trailer. And those who know me know that is true!! What sealed the deal was when I saw that Dennis Quaid was in it. Warning! This trailer contains dirty words! So hide the children.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes

"The Abominable Dr. Phibes," an AIP Picture from 1971, stars the AWESOME Vincent Price and my 1940s crush Joseph Cotton in a sick tale of revenge, madness, and art-deco terror.

Look how cool this picture is! I want this wallpapered all over my room. How can I convince my husband that this is a good idea?

Ok, Phibes. Vincent Price stars as Dr. Phibes, Organist and Doctor (what?) driven mad by the premature death of his beautiful wife and the subsequent car crash that burned his face and destroyed his vocal cords (huh?) He has to talk and drink champagne (which he does with his beautiful but mute assistant Vulnavia) through his neck. Phibes has vowed revenge on the Nine Doctors who were operating on his wife when she died (Nine? Really? What hell kind of operation was she having?) Since this is Vincent Price revenge equals horrible, agonizing, way too elaborate deaths. There is some nonsense about how his murders parallel the Plagues of Egypt, but I don't remember anyone getting killed by a catapulted Golden Unicorn in the Bible. But then again, I didn't read the Bible very closely so maybe it is there. Anyway, this movie is so awesome that someone gets killed by a catapulted Golden Unicorn! Someone also gets their head crushed to death by a Frog mask, and another person gets eaten to death by locusts!! Really, it only takes about 10 locusts to completely take the skin off your face in under 5 hours. I had no idea.

This film (which has a awesome soundtrack by the way,) influenced everything from "Seven" to "Silence of the Lambs" to "Saw." Phibes in an evil genius along the lines of Lecter and John Doe, and some of the deaths and traps are worse than anything in the "Saw" franchise (eaten to death by 10 locusts!!) I am off to watch the sequel right now and eat some chili. That way I will be up all night with heartburn and I won't have nightmares about embalming myself alive (that happens in this movie too! How great is that!)

I forgot to mention that the Anthony Hopkins looking guy from "The Vault of Horror" is in this as well (his name is Terry-Thomas) and again he dies horribly!! And he didn't even really do anything wrong! Poor bastard.