"The Virgin Spring" or "The classy version of Last House on the Left."

It is hard to write about another film after seeing "Drag me to Hell." Nothing else can be as much fun. "The Virgin Spring" is just no fun at all. No laughing hysterically, no covering of the eyes, no projectile nose bleeds. But every film can't have a talking goat so lets talk about Ingmar Bergman. Time to get classy.

I watched "The Virgin Spring"not only in an attempt to save or restore some brain cells, but because Craven essentially "re-made" the film as "Last House on the Left." I can just see Craven watching this austere, stark, brilliantly crafted and acted film and thinking "I can do this American style with more raping and gore! I am a sick fuck!" Yes you are Wes Craven, and I love you for it.

Set in medieval Sweden, "The Virgin Spring" tells the story of Karin, a young, naive, spoiled girl who is sent on a journey to deliver candles to the Church by her Father, played by the awesome Max von Sydow. On her journey she encounters three goat herders, who could really care less if those candles get delivered. Bad things happen, as they do, and the goat herders end up taking shelter at von Sydow's estate. It does not take long for the family to realize what happened to their little girl and what role the herders played in her demise. The film then becomes a revenge flick, but nothing like the ones we see today. The violence in this film is devastating. Emotion, when it is showed, is intense. There are no winners here. You don't cheer the Father when he has his revenge. In fact, the actual revenge scene is as cold and disturbing as the rape scene.

Having said that, "The Virgin Spring" is a beautiful and quiet film. Much like a recent Swedish horror film, "Let the right one in." The similarities in tone and temperament between the two films are remarkable. Rather than watch "The Virgin Spring" and "Last House" as a double feature, I would recommend "Spring" with "Let the right one in." Have a classy, Swedish horror night. Then watch "Last House" with "The Hills have Eyes" to undo all that learnin and class.

BTW, Max von Sydow is incredible in this film. Can't take your eyes off him. So handsome and tall and Swedish. Hence, the hysteria! He is still making movies! Go von Sydow!

Drag me to Hell? Yes please!!

I have had a very busy and exciting weekend, hence no insightful review of "The Virgin Spring." It is coming, I promise you!! The most exciting thing I did this weekend was see "Drag Me To Hell," Sam Raimi's "Return to True Horror" or however the hell they are marketing it. I knew I was in love when a little boy gets killed before the opening credits. "Drag Me to Hell" is quite simply the most fun I have had in a movie theatre in a long time. Throughout the whole film I was either laughing hysterically or covering my eyes. "Drag me to Hell" is equal parts gross-out comedy and "shock" horror.

Yes, it is very reminiscent of "Evil Dead II," although a bit more restrained. Alison Lohman plays a young loan officer who is cursed by an old gypsy woman (Lorna Raver, who should win some sort of award.) She has three days to shed the curse before she is "Dragged to Hell." Lohman plays the role straight, and she is a total trooper. Raimi punishes her about as much as he punishes Bruce. After the film half the audience was clapping and half was screaming for their money back (losers.) I wanted to stay and watch it again! Could this be the perfect film? It has a crazy gypsy woman, talking goats, and corpse desecration. It is pretty damn close.

God and the Devil..

Did you know that Max von Sydow is still around? I thought he had passed away! Guy is STILL making movies! And, as far as I know, he is the only actor to play both God and the Devil in separate films. Wait, didn't George Burns play God and the Devil in a film? Seriously, what is cool about Max von Sydow is that you believe him as either God or the Devil! Take that George Burns! Anyway, stay tuned for an insightful review of "The Virgin Spring," which has led me to von Sydow hysteria.

Happy Birthday, are you a Gemini?

Vincent Price and Boris Karloff battle for my eternal affection and favorite "rites" much like Edgar Allan Poe and HP Lovecraft do. Or Romero and Carpenter. Or the Jonas Brothers but I am still really leaning towards Nick. Yes, the young one. Anyway, today is about Vincent. I posted this video a long time ago, but it is one of my favorites and I can't think of a better tribute. Besides going to watch a Vincent Price movie!! So go watch one! May I recommend "Laura," non-horror yes, but totally awesome.

I too, want to wander dark hallways alone and tormented. I actually do, its called going to work.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

I finally caved in to my Netflix guilt and sent back "Benjamin Button". It sat here for 3 weeks, taunting me. I kept finding other things to do instead of watching it, like cleaning the bathroom or alphabetizing my sock drawer. So I have yet to sit for 3 hours watching Brad Pitt age in reverse. It doesn't mean I never will. Now is just not the time. Life is too short. Especially when there is crap like "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" to watch.

I kid. This movie wasn't that bad. I liked it better than the first Underworld sequel, which just gave me a headache. You should not need cliff notes and an illustrated timeline to watch a movie. "Rise of the Lycans" is a prequel (no Kate Beckinsale!) about the beginning of the war between the Vampires and the Lycans (always shouted LYCANNNNSSS!!!!) The film is too dark, like the other two, and the CGI is terrible, like the other two. But this film has a straightforward story, a tragic romance, and decent acting from thespians who look like they are having fun. The great (too great for films like this) Micheal Sheen and Bill Nighy reprise their roles as Lucian and Vicktor. Rhona Mitra plays Sonja, the forbidden object of Lucian's affection. I love Rhona Mitra. I know some people call her a low rent Jolie or Beckinsale, but she will always have a place in my heart due to her role in "Nip/Tuck."

If you are on the fence about this film, or considering watching "Button" instead, let me sell you on the fact that this film has one of the weirdest sex scenes I have ever seen. Totally out of left field and it only lasts a second, I actually had to "rewind" and watch it again. So it has that going for it. Take that Brad Pitt!

I want it now.

I want this book, co-written by Guillermo Del Toro, which comes out on June 2nd. It is about Vampires..

And I am sure they are not "shine like diamonds in the sun" Vampires. This is the first of a planned trilogy, which I am sure will be made into some kick ass films down the road somewhere. I would read or watch anything by this guy. Although I am a little worried that he cast Katie Holmes in a horror flick he is producing... I still trust him.

Jeepers Creepers/Movie Trailers.

Enjoy the song stuck in my head while I muse about the film trailers I saw before "Terminator Salvation."

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Maybe. The trailer looks better on the second viewing, but I am still apprehensive. Purists will hate the re-casting of Holmes as an "Action Hero." 19th Century and "Action Hero" do not really go together. Just look at the "League of Extraordinary Gentleman," which this trailer strangely reminds me of. It also reminds me of the modern "Avengers," which is not good either. Now, I do love Robert Downey Jr, but I don't think he is the end all be all. I didn't really like "Iron Man." Also, the film stars Jude Law, who is the kiss of death. And
Guy Ritche has been having problems lately. But, it is still a maybe.

LAND OF THE LOST: Probably yes. I still love Will Ferrell and I really love Danny McBride. This looks stupid and silly enough for a matinee.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN: NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCK NO. Screw you Bay. No Way. I would rather see the next Nicholas Sparks film.

UP!: Yes. This looks delightful (and not in the ironic way I usually use that word.) I want to see it even more now that I know a little more about the storyline (very adult actually.) Also, I love the visual shout-out to "The Lost World."

THE HANGOVER: Yes! This film looks hilarous, has a great cast, and has huge buzz. Plus, Mike Tyson singing Genesis. And the trailer made my Mother laugh, and the woman was born without a sense of humor. (Not really, but comedy is just not her thing. Or Action, or Horror, or Drama. She likes Jane Austen and Twilight. That is about it.)