Dorian Gray

Looks "Twilighty." Is that Prince Caspian as Gray?

The Haunting in Connecticut

Wow, this movie did not suck as hard as I thought it would. I actually had to turn on another light while watching in because it gave me the spooks (thankfully Husband was gone otherwise I would have to explain to him why the living room was all lit up like a Christmas tree.) My only real complaint with the film is that the Director relied too much on obvious musical clues to tell us when we were supposed to be scared. It was almost laughable and unnecessary.

I am not going to recap the film. It is about a haunting in Connecticut. Duh. But here is a list of things I likes (left typo in because I like it) about the film, and if you like these things too, then check it out.

1. Scary Ghosts
2. Necromancy
3. Post-mortem photography
4. ectoplasm
5. Good ghost/bad ghost switcheroo
6. Mummies
7. Corpses in walls
8. Old-timey poems and songs
9. Virginia Madsen
10. Totally ridiculous ending
11. "Based" on a true story
12. Awesome DVD extras
13. Kids stupid enough to play hide and seek, repeatedly, in a haunted house
14. The Borderland (in the valley of the shadow of death)
15. Mediums
16. No Head Trauma
17. Attacking Shower curtains

Enjoy!

Alice in Wonderland

This makes me happy just watching it! Alice in Wonderland always scared the shit out of me. Still does. Doesn't Johnny Depp look like Elijah Wood?

Dexter...

 
My favorite serial killer is back!! Now I will have to do the old "dump HBO after True Blood ends and pick up Showtime before Dexter starts" trick. Oh to be rich and afford both channels! Well, there really isn't shit on either one besides these shows.

The Unborn

Cool poster, horrible movie.

"The Unborn" was just about as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't even write down the character names because frankly I didn't give a shit about them. So the story goes that this college age rich girl is being haunted by the ghost of her unborn twin. Or the ghost of her unborn twin haunted by a Jewish Demon called a "dybbuk." Her brown eyes start to turn blue and everywhere she looks she sees this creepy blue-eyed dead kid (her brother died in the womb so I don't know why the ghost is a 10 year old. Would a ghost fetus be too creepy?) Her friends and family also start dying. She hooks up with a Rabbi played by Gary Oldman (giving 100%, about 99% more than this film deserved,) and together they decide to preform a Jewish Exorcism. And that's it. Whole story.

The worst thing about this film is that there is zero character development. Bad things start to happen to this girl in the first 5 minutes, and we don't know a thing about her. Nor do we learn anything about her besides the fact that she is dating one of the guys from "Twilight." You watch all of this shit happening to her and you are like "so?" The only even remotely interesting aspect of this film is the actual Jewish Exorcism, which I knew nothing about. Turns out the writers really did their research, and these types of exorcisms are not as uncommon as you might think. There is also a bunch of science crap about twins and Nazi experiments (more Nazis!) which makes no sense. The "science" in this film is on par with "She-Demons." In fact, all in all, "She-Demons" is a better movie. Skip "The Unborn" and watch "She-Demons!" That is my professional opinion.

"Horrific Nazi Experiments gone awry!"

When that is your tag line, how can you go wrong? Last night, without meaning to, I watched "She Demons." How do you accidentally watch "She Demons" you might ask? Well, I was so lazy last night that instead of popping in a DVD (which would require me to get up, and I just don't want to watch The Unborn or The Haunting in Connecticut that bad) I instead watched "Creepy Kofy Movie Time," my local Horror Movie Show (you must support your local horror host.) The public domain film that night was "She Demons" from 1958. "She Demons" is a film that is really so bad its good. Four shipwreck survivors (soon to be three, but I won't spoil it for you) find themselves on an uncharted Pacific island. Things go from bad to worse when their radio is smashed, they discover the US Air Force is using the island for target practice, there are Nazi's living there, and finally, one of them is killed by a She-Demon. This is like an episode of "Lost" written by a ten year old.

Irish McCalla stars as "Jerrie," a rich spoiled brat whose Father owns the boat that was destroyed in the (stock footage) hurricane. Tod Griffin plays "Fred," who was also on the boat and although I am not sure what the hell he does, he was somehow working for Jerrie's Father. The final part of this scooby gang is "Sammy," played by Victor Sen Yung, whose only purpose is to provide uncomfortable, semi-racist,unfunny un-comic relief. These three idiots manage to get themselves chased by She-Demons, captured and whipped by Nazis and almost blown to bits. All in the course of one day. Why are there She-Demons you might ask? The Nazis are doing terrible experiments of course! The head Nazi, known as "The Butcher" (I forget his name but it is probably Fritz) is trying to repair his burned wife's face by tranferring DNA to her from captured Jungle Girls. The process turns the Jungle Girls into She-Demons! There is also some nonsense about perpetual motion and renewable energy (who knew Nazis were environmentalists?)

This movie is about as "B" as they come and a whole lot of fun. There is even a good shock scare at the end. My favorite part is how "Jerries" hair looks perfect throughout the whole film, even when she is trying to outrun lava. Yes, there is lava too.

Yuck...

Both "The Unborn" and "The Haunting in Connecticut" are arriving tomorrow via Netflix. I hate when you get a double-shot of crapness in the mail. I am saving my new episode of "True Blood" to watch between these two movies. I mean really, where does it say I have to see EVERY horror film out there?