Vacation!

I am going to be unplugged all week!  Until my return, please enjoy this video of "Inception Cat."  I could, and have, watched this all day long...

Rob Bottin

Where are you Rob Bottin?  We need you now more than ever!  Check out this great article on Rob Bottin's career and disappearance:
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/post/rob-bottin-rocks

The Thang 2011

Minor Spoilers.

So everyone is harping on this movie and quite rightly so, but let me take a moment to say something nice before I join the shit parade.  The filmmakers behind The Thing 2011 took great pains to ensure some continuity between Carpenter's seminal 1982 film and this prequel/remake hybrid.  I re-watched The Thing just hours before going to see this monstrosity and I have to say that you can see that the love is there.  The only joy I had while watching this film was seeing all the references to Carpenter's masterpiece.  Also, I rather like Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Joel Edgerton as actors.  I am sorry to see that they are in this film, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

Also it was cool that they used real Norwegians to play Norwegians.  Now I am done.  Time to start complaining:  This movie is awful.  Let me use my favorite lazy writing device, the list, to illustrate:

1. It is not scary.  At all.
2. The CGI is awful.  It made me appreciate Rob Bottin's work on Carpenter's film all the more.
3. The first 20 minutes of the film is the "prequel," the remainder of the film is a remake.  This is not a good combination.
4. I really didn't care about any of the characters with the exception of Kate.
5. It's obvious who is "Thing" and who is not "Thing."
6. WTF with the ending?!?  What happened to Kate?  Are they trying to set up for a sequel?  Why didn't we hear about the Russian base before?  Does every Country have a base on Antarctica?
7. Would a bad ass helicopter pilot really wear a tiny gold earring?  I don't think so.

I think the idea of doing a prequel was a good one, but the filmmakers got lazy and basically just remade Carpenter's film.  What a wasted opportunity.  Save yourself the money.  Re-watch The Thing from 1982 and watch, if you haven't already, The Thing from Another World, made in 1951 and 10 times scarier than this new version.

Stake Land

MINOR SPOILERS

The best horror film of the year was technically released last year, but it only came into my radar a few months ago.  Rue Morgue did an article on it, then Fangoria, then Horrorhound (my personal holy trilogy of horror mags.  Although, if you can find Scream magazine, that one is awesome!  It was only carried at a Border's 3 hours away from my house and that closed.  Yes, I could subscribe but I love the thrill of the hunt in these matters.)  Anyway, the best horror film of the year (in my opinion) is Jim Mickle's Stake Land.  Stake Land is a post-apocalyptic road film where the beasties are vampires.  Now, I am not usually a huge vamp fan, but these vampires are more like feral cannibal mutants.  Correction: there are human feral cannibals in this film.  These vamps are more like fast zombies that can only come out at night.  They have to compete with the human feral cannibals for some sweet meat that looks a lot like Eric from Gossip Girl.

It IS Eric from Gossip Girl!  Connor Paolo plays Martin, a young man whose parents are killed by vampires.  He is taken under the wing of "Mister", a mysterious vampire killer played by Nick Damici.

In this post-apocalyptic world civilization has gone by the wayside.  There are only a few pockets of survivors that get along the best they can.  The survivor's greatest problem isn't the vampires: it's the other humans who have de-evolved.  A group that calls themselves The Brotherhood controls most of the roads.  The Brotherhood are a bunch of white supremacist religious fundamentalists who think nothing of raping nuns and using non-whites as vampire bait.  Not surprisingly, Mister and Martin run afoul of this group and have to avoid them and the vampires on their way to "New Eden."  New Eden is a place supposedly free from infection.  We all know how this scenario will likely play out.

 

What is amazing about Stake Land is how well all of the characters are developed.  We really care about every single one of them.  Martin is a realistic boy on the verge on manhood.  Mister, for all his toughness, has a heart.  Danielle Harris plays Belle, a pregnant young woman trying to make it to New Eden for her baby.  Her character, in another film, would have stood as a beacon of hope.  She would have made it to New Eden and her child would have symbolized humanity's hope.  This is not that film.  This is not a pretty world.  This is a gloomy, gory, and scary film.  It's message is that humanity will survive, but at what cost? Yep, it's a bit of downer, but I was practically jumping up and down after it was over: it's that good. 

It! The Terror from Beyond Space 1958

The year is 1973.  Earth has lost contact with the first manned mission to Mars.  A rescue team is sent to investigate.  Their ride is really groovy...

When they arrive they find one survivor, Col. Edward Curruthers (Marshall Thompson).  The rest of the original crew is dead.  One of them has a gunshot wound.  The rescue crew decided Curruthers must have murdered his crew.  He denies the charge, and soon they all discover that the real murderer is It! The Terror from Beyond Space!

O.K.  This movie is really pretty silly but important for two reasons.  One, John Carpenter called it highly influential to him as a filmmaker.  This doesn't surprise me since It! is basically a siege film.  Carpenter introduced this film and Rio Bravo as part of his hosting duties on TCM.  Rio Bravo is also a siege film, like Assault on Precinct 13, The Thing, and to a certain extent The Fog.  The siege "genre" also happens to be one of my favorites (Night of the Living Dead).  I like it when a group of people are trapped together fighting for their lives, sometimes from an unseen, unknown force.   That is the case with It!.  The clever alien sneaks on board and begins attacking crew members, sucking all moisture from their bodies.  He goes from level to level on the ship, often using the air shafts to move around.  The beleaguered crew are soon confined to one level of the ship, trying to think of a way to kill this unstoppable force...

My God this suit is awesome!  Anyway, if this story sound a little familiar that is because it is: it's Alien.  It! The Terror from Beyond Space served as a major inspiration to Alien, right down to the air shafts.

This is the second reason why It! is important, and if you are a fan of Alien I highly recommend you see this.  Plus, it's fun to see doctors and scientists smoking!  Oh, and the female scientists serve the men dinner!  They have a PhD in waitressing!

American Horror Story

 
I just finished watching the second episode of American Horror Story.  Although I can't say I am completely on board with this show yet, I know I am going to continue watching it, if only to support "horror" on television.  Which brings me to my first point of contention with American Horror Story: it's not very scary.

The Harmon's have recently moved from Boston to L.A.  Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) is a Psychiatrist who must work out CONSTANTLY.  We see him naked (a lot) and he is ripped!  He also cheated on his beautiful wife Vivien (the amazing Connie Brittan).  Vivien walked in on him having a special "session" with a student.  In an effort to repair their marriage, they move to sunny California with their teenage daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga).  Oh, did I mention that Vivien had a horrible miscarriage before the affair began?  And that Violet likes to cut herself and is one Cure record away from becoming a Goth wannabe?  In other words, this family is kind of messed up to begin with.  It doesnt' help that the bargain Victorian house they bought has the local reputation as a "Murder House."

The family moves in and weird things begin to happen right away.  Their creepy neighbor Constance (Jessica Lange) shows up with her Downs Syndrome daughter who has a special gift for sneaking in and out of the house at will. 

Ben encounters a burned man named Larry Harvey (Denis O'Hare from True Blood) who claims to have once lived in the house.  He also claims to have killed his whole family in the house, and that the house made him do it.  Larry tries to convince Ben that he and his family should leave.  Good advice, considering that during the first two episodes a whole lot of freaky shit goes down.

I won't spoil it but let's just say that it includes a lot of masturbation, kinky demon sex, and various homages to just about every horror film made in the past 40 years.  Which brings me back to my first problem with this show.  Not scary.  Copying images and scenarios from other horror films and cutting and pasting them together does not horror make!  And that is basically what is going on here.  It's fun to watch the show and pick the horror films the Producers have cribbed from.  Here is a partial list:

• The Shining
• The Changeling
• The Strangers
• Rosemary's Baby
• Poltergeist
• Saw
• The Collector
• Halloween
• The Haunting
• Pet Sematary
• Ghost Story

Even the opening credits look like a mash up of that show Oddities and a Nine Inch Nails video.  The music is ripped off of other films such as Vertigo and Psycho.  Because I have seen all of this before nothing is making me jump, nothing is sending chills down my spine.  And it's too bad, because this show has a lot of other things going for it.  Jessica Lange is brilliant as Constance.  She deserves an Emmy for her mysterious yet sympathetic performance.  Same goes for Connie Brittan.  When she was confronting her husband about his affair in the first episode it brought tears to my eyes.  The show looks amazing, and the score, although recycled, it very good.  I don't know how they are going to sustain this story throughout the entire season, and I hope the Producers have an end game planned.  So far this is seeming a little Lost to me.  Let's also hope that the Producers try to infuse the show with a little more originality. Then it might get really scary.

The Thing: The Musical

Alright, you have probably seen this everywhere by now (including the awesome Kindertrauma), but it is so good!  Watch it again!