Night of the Demons (total crap version)

I only recently saw the original Night of the Demons and although it is no masterpiece, it had its charms, especially Linnea Quigley and the awesome 80's fashions.  Will some dorky horror blogger 20 years from now look back at the remake and go " Night of the Demons 2009 has its charms, especially Shannon Elizabeth and the awesome 09 fashions"?  Doubtful.  They might say "What the hell happened to the cute kid from Terminator 2"?  That is more likely.  Really, what happened to Edward Furlong?  He is a walking billboard for "Just say No" if I ever saw one.  During this whole film I couldn't stop looking at his softly rounded shoulders and man-tits. 

Directed by Adam Giarasch, Night of the Demons follows the original film very closely.  The only change is really an improvement: some added back story about the orgin of the demons and the events that cursed the house.  Shannon Elizabeth plays a party promoter who is throwing a Halloween party at a haunted mansion.  About 20 people show up (about all the extras this production could afford) and the party is soon shut down by the police, mostly likely because it is totally lame.  Elizabeth (not going to bother to look up the character name) and a bunch of her friends, including bloated drug dealer Colin (Edward Furlong duh) get trapped in the house.  They soon discover 6 corpses in the basement.  One of them "bites" Elizabeth and soon everything is going to shit.

At one point I actually paused this film and saw that I had 30 minutes left of it and I thought "Shit, I am really wasting my life."  Yes, it was that bad.  The whole thing kind of looks like a Rob Zombie video populated by 40 year olds pretending to be in their early 20s.  The director was obviously enamoured of the SAW films, as he uses the same kind of jump cut/slow mo/cheap scare method of storytelling.  Unlike the SAW films, Night of the Demons is not hysterical.  Watch the original.  Not that it is any good, but Linnea Quigley really knows what to do with a tube of lipstick.  The people involved with this remake do not.