Countess Dracula 1971

Sorry it has been a while.  I have been going through the seven stages of grief over the end of The Walking Dead.  I have exited the "Depression" stage and now and entering the "Acceptance and Hope" stage.  The fact that Game of Thrones begins Sunday is helping a lot with my grief.  Also helping me is the beautiful Ingrid Pitt, my number one girl crush and star of Hammer's 1971 film Countess Dracula.

Inspired by the legendary Elizabeth Bathory (the original "Woman behaving Badly") Countess Dracula tells the story of Elisabeth Nadasdy, a 17th century Hungarian Noblewoman who has recently lost her husband.  And her looks. 

That is of little importance as she has been carrying on an affair with her Stewart Captain Dobi.

My God isn't he creepy!?!  Dobi (played by Nigel Green) is Elisabeth's lackey, and will do anything for a sweet, sweet piece of old Ingrid Pitt.  Everything is going well until Elisabeth gets a load of Lt. Imre Toth, a hot young soldier who was the son of her husband's best friend.  From this point on Lt. Toth, played by Sandor Eles, is my movie boyfriend.  He is tall and strange looking and has a weird nose, all traits I find very attractive.

So it bugged me because Sandor Eles looks so familiar.  IMDB was not a help.  I think he looks like a mix of Paul Rudd, Trend Reznor, Owen Wilson, and the dude from Gladiator with a scar on his face.  Anyway, he is young and horny and flirts with the old Elisabeth.  When Elisabeth "accidentally" cuts one of her female servants (she's kind of a bitch) she realizes that the young girls blood can make her look young again.

She kills the young girl and quickly seduces young Toth, who believes her to be Elisabeth's daughter, Ilona.  Ilona has been away at convent school or some other such shit for years, so the whole town believes that the new young Elisabeth is Ilona.  The messed up thing is that Elisabeth arraigned to have the real Ilona kidnapped so as not to expose her.  The real Ilona is played by Lesley-Anne Down, my new second girl crush.

So she looks like a mix of Patsy Kinset and Alicia Silverstone.  I had to IMBD her as well just to make sure she wasn't Patsy's mother.  Lesley-Anne Down starred in American soap operas for years which makes sense, because Countess Dracula is like one long soap opera. 

Elisabeth soon discovers that if she does not keep killing virgins and "loofa-ing" in their blood she will turn old again, and young Toth will not be interested.  She enlists the help of Dobi, and eventually Toth learns her horrible, horrible secret (it sucks when you walk in on your lover bathing in virgin blood.)  Elisabeth blackmails Toth into marrying her (soap opera!) but the luckily the real Ilona arrives in time to throw a wrench into the whole wicked plan.  Here is what is really messed up: Elisabeth tries to kill Ilona!!! What a bitch.

Countess Dracula has everything you could want in a Hammer film: blood, boobs, castles, and Ingrid Pitt.  Actually, the boobage is kept to a minimum, which is surprising given the subject matter.  I liked this film because I had a crush on everyone in it (except for Dobi) and it was based on historical "fact."  Yes, I am cracking up at that as well.  Ingrid Pitt is so charismatic I could watch her shill for toilet paper and be pretty happy.  

The Vampire Lovers

I have seen perfection and it is Ingrid Pitt.  Really, how awesome is she?  I have seen a few films with her in it, such as The Wicker Man and I am sure something else, but after seeing The Vampire Lovers I am 100% totally in love with her.  She IS this movie.

So any horror nerd worth their salt has seen The Vampire Lovers.  I am only a horror nerd apprentice.  I have never claimed to be anything more.  I can't speak with authority on shit, and I don't claim to.  Seeing The Vampire Lovers was like a horror nerd revelation to me.  Now, it may just be the 3 glasses of wine after a shitty day of work talking, but this was almost life changing.  OK, that was definitely the 3 glasses of wine talking.

So this amazing Hammer production from 1970 is based on J. Sheridan Le Fanu's short story "Carmilla."  Written years before "Dracula," this was not only an early vampire story, but one of the first "lesbian" themed stories that would become so popular.  The film actually follows the story pretty well.  Pitt plays Marcilla/Carmilla, a mysterious woman who is always getting pushed upon wealthy families by her mother.  See, Mom always has an emergency to get to, and wouldn't it be nice if this very wealthy family takes this hot young piece in for a few weeks.  They always agree. 

Carmilla has a thing for the young women in the family and a thing for blood, which pisses off certain people like Peter Cushing's General.  The Vampire Lovers has anything you could ever want in a Hammer film: crumbling castles, Peter Cushing, hot chicks, boobs, blood, characters that appear and then disappear and you can't figure out what they were there for, and amazing cinematography and music.  Really, this is as close to a perfect film as you can get.  I heart Ingrid Pitt, I really do.  I am closer to becoming the horror nerd I was always meant to be.

The Devil's Bride 1968

 Like many horror fans I am lovin' Friday nights on TCM this month.  It's Hammer time!  Last week was a hodgepodge of films including The Reptile and The Gorgon, both of which I had been wanting to see for quite a while.  But the film I want to rant about right now is The Devil's Bride, aka: The Devil Rides Out.  I was jazzed about this film not only because of Christopher Lee, but also because Richard Matheson wrote the screenplay.  I love Matheson.  He is right up there with Romero and Karloff in my top horror loves.  This script was based on the novel by Dennis Wheatley.  I don't know much about this British author except the fact that he was friends with Lee and his novels are very popular (or infamous) in England.  Satanism, Wheatley's speciality, is one of my favorite subjects, right after cannibalism and zombies.  So I will check him out.  But now, on to this hot mess of a movie...

Christopher Lee plays Duc de Richleau, whom we learn nothing about besides the fact that he is rich and knows an awful lot about Satanism.  Him and his buddy Rex (Leon Greene) are unofficial "Godfathers" to Simon (Patrick Mower), a young man with lots of money and time on his hands.  When Simon misses a "reunion" with Richleau and Rex, they seek him out at his mansion.  What they find is a meeting of an "Astronomical Society" that Simon is hosting.  Simon tells his old friends that they must leave, that there is room for only 13 members in this society.  Richleau, his Satanic radar activated, soon discovers that this is no "Astronomical Society" at all.  They are a bunch of freaky Satanists and they are about to indoctrinate Simon into their cult!  Richleau does what any good friend would do: he punches Simon out and kidnaps him! 

Thus begins a ridiculous journey of kidnappings and escapes.  Rex falls in love with Tanith (Nike Arrighi) another recruit.  As Richleau and Rex try to save their friends, the evil Mocata (Charles Gray), the leader of the Satanic group, uses all his evil mojo to pull Tanith and Simon back into the cult.  He even calls in the Devil himself, who looks like this:

I don't know about you, but I want him at my Halloween party!  The Devil's Bride is not without it's charm, and I have to say that it was my favorite Hammer film of the night.  It just looks like it was thrown together without a lot of forethought.  All of the action supposedly takes place over the course of 2 days, and I kept thinking "when do these people sleep?"  And why does Richleau know so much about Satanism?  And "is this what people really do in the English countryside?"  And if Satan can be stopped by repeating a line of verse then he is not that powerful is he? 

Maybe The Devil's Bride shouldn't be your first Hammer film, or your first Christopher Lee film.  But it is worth spending a little time with.  It features a fully clothed orgy, time travel, possession, goat-murder (not so good), and a good old fashioned car chase!  Plus the goat-Devil!  It is what I am going to be for Halloween next year.

The Hound of the Baskervilles 1959

For the most part I love Hammer films, but I have to admit there have been a few I have been disappointed by.  This was not the case with The Hound of the Baskervilles from 1959.  Starring Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes, Andre Morell as Dr. Watson, and the young, incredibly handsome Christopher Lee as Sir. Henry Baskerville, Hound is in many ways a perfect Hammer film.  Directed by Terence Fisher, Hound features misty moors, crumbling castles, murder, intrigue, mystery, and a dangerous beauty with the requisite heaving bosom. 

The screenplay follows Doyle's story pretty closely, with a few minor changes and a greater emphasis on the "horror" of the Hound.  Cushing makes a great Holmes, but I have to admit I am not altogether familiar with Basil Rathbone's interpretation.  Cushing captures Holmes enormous ego perfectly.  He is kind of an A-hole but we still admire him. He is courageous, snobby, brilliant, and down-right rude.   

Christopher Lee hits the right notes as Sir Henry, new to the legend of the Baskervilles.  Sir Henry doesn't buy the legend, but he will soon become directly threatened by it.  Cushing and Lee have great chemistry, and if your rent or buy the DVD, be sure to watch the extras.  In Lee's "Actor's Notebook" he speaks quite fondly of Cushing and the depths of their friendship.  It is quite moving. 

The Hound of the Baskervilles is a great movie to watch on a dark and stormy night.  Of course, watching it in the middle of summer works as well.

Coming Soon: The Hound of the Baskervilles 1959