Another crap sequel: Cabin Fever 2

I am being kind of harsh.  Cabin Fever2: Spring Fever wasn't that bad.  Well, it was bad enough that Ti West wanted his name taken off the flick and replaced with Alan Smithee, which is understandable, but it has its charms. 

OK, it has it's charms is you love gross-out gore.  Which I don't.  I love gore, don't get me wrong, but I am not really into seeing blood and pus coming out of penises or strippers with infected boobs (sentences like this gets pornographers posting porno links in my comment sections.)  What I did like about this film was the homages to Prom Night and Noah Segan, who I think is super cool and should be in more films.  I mean, did you see him in Deadgirl?  He is awesome!

This film picks up right where the last one left off.  Rider Strong's character (too lazy to look up the name) crawls out of the creek and is immediately hit by a bus.  For this he gets top billing.  Some company has bottled this nasty creek water and sold it to the local high school, which happens to be having it's prom that very night.  Cut to the chase: everyone drinks the nasty water and it soon becomes the prom from hell. 

Now because "Glee" in on in about 10 minutes I will wrap this up quick.  Everyone dies.  The end.  Confession:  I hated the original Cabin Fever.  I thought it was horrible.  I love Hostel I & II.  So for a time I loved Eli Roth.  Now I don't because he is dating Peaches Geldof and that is just weird.  Anyway, I actually liked Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever better than the original which is not saying much because I hate the original.  The pacing in this movie is way off, and although you see some of West's touches (see: House of the Devil)  the film as a whole is just a weird mess.  Some nice gore and Noah Segan is all it has going for it.  If that floats your boat....  Now, off to watch show tunes.

Cannibal Holocaust: With 100% more Penis than "Up"

Forgive me if I make less sense than usual: I still have the plague. But nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop me from writing about Cannibal Holocaust and then being through with it forever!!! Cannibal Holocaust is about a professor, Harold Monroe, who travels to "primitive Amazonia" to track down 4 documentarians who have gone missing. These documentary filmmakers, who are named Alan, Faye, Jack, and Mark (there will be a test later) traveled to the "green inferno," an area so ghastly that no white man has ever returned from it. It is so horrible because...... wait for it......... Cannibals live there!!! Yes, Virginia, there are Cannibals in Cannibal Holocaust, along with a whole lot of penis. But more on that later. Monroe survives the green inferno, despite looking like he is coming down from a crack high, and he finds not only the remains of the 4 idiots, but their film canisters. This is the first part of the film. In this section we see: 1 animal killed (for real,) countless boobies, one scene of cannibalism, and two penises, including Monroe's. The actor playing him, Robert Kerman, was a porn star, so it was natural for him to pull it out.

The second half of the film is the reveal of the film footage. We get to know Alan (who looks like Rick Springfield,) Faye, Jack, and Mark, and we quickly come to the conclusion that they are total douchbags and deserve to get eaten!!! Wish fulfilled!! But not until we see 4 more animals killed (again, for real,) more penis and boobies, a whole lot of raping, and a girl impaled on a wooden pole (the iconic image above.) Monroe and the suits of the network that were considering airing this footage decide to burn it, and we are left with the question: who are the real cannibals?

I was left with the question: Why didn't I realize there was an "animal cruelty-free" version of this film on the DVD? The animal killing is really graphic and awful. I felt like saying a little prayer for each and every one. Thank God he didn't kill the sloth or I would have turned it off right there and then. The director, Ruggero Deodato, says he now regrets "getting animals involved." I guess the reasoning behind it is if the audience knew that the animals were really getting killed, then they might think that the humans were really getting killed. In fact, Deodato had to prove that the actors were still alive and he didn't make a snuff film. He did get busted for the animal cruelty, so there is a little justice.

Having gotten that out of the way, I have to say I liked this film. It, of course, predates "Blair Witch" and "Paranormal Activity" in the "found footage" genre, which I happen to enjoy. It also belongs to the "cannibalism genre," which I am not that familiar with. Thank goodness for Netflix and an understanding husband. The film is interesting and there is tension throughout. I wanted to keep watching it, despite all of the horrible things onscreen. My advice to Cannibal Holocaust virgins is: if you think you want to watch it, watch the cruelty-free version. You don't miss anything. Make sure there are not animals or children around. Please don't be stoned, you don't need extra paranoia while viewing this. And finally, get ready for a whole lot of unnecessary penis.