Going to look for C.H.U.D

I am off to New York for work so I am afraid there will be no profanity laden insights from me for about a week.  I mean, I could try to blog from my phone but I seem to have the worlds biggest, fattest fingers so I worry that the grammer and mispellings will be worse than usual.  I will return with a review of the book Shock Value (I am the last Blogger to read it) and Rec 2.  See you soon!

Black Death 2010 featuring Game of Thrones spoilers!

WARNING: Major Spoilers in this post!

I am having major Game of Thrones withdrawal.  That show is so damn good I was literally jumping around my living room during the season finale.  I am now reading the books to get my fix until Spring 2012. 

Part of my Game of Thrones addiction is my Sean Bean obsession, and I recently satisfied that craving by watching Black Death.  Black Death is a "historical horror" film that rips off The Witchfinder General and The Wicker Man.  Really, if you are going to rip off films, those are two pretty damn good films to rip off. Black Death was an enjoyable, gory yarn and after I was finished watching it I felt I had learned something.  I learned that Sean Bean is AWESOME in everything he is in and his death on Game of Thrones was his SECOND most horrible, gory, tragic onscreen death.

1348.  Medieval England.  The Black Plague has devastated Europe.  People believe it is an act of God to punish us for our sins.  Rumors start to spread of a Village that has not be infected.  A group of Soldiers led by Mr. Bean (did you know he recently got stabbed in a bar fight and instead of seeking medical attention ordered another drink?  True story!) are sent to investigate.  They bring a young Priest along with them.  This Priest has a sweet little piece on the side, so obviously he is not the "holy" man they were expecting.  When they are arrive in the Village they are at first greeted with open arms.

They are attended to by a beautiful woman named Langiva, played by Carice Van Houten.  No one is sick, and Langiva soon convinces the young priest that she can "cure" the sickness.  In fact, she can raise the dead.  Obviously, Sean Bean is not having any of this and soon the torturing starts.

Like Wicker Man and Witchfinder General, Black Death makes the viewer repeatedly question what side they are on.  The morally ambiguous actions of many of the characters are once understandable and unforgivable.  This is a story with no happy ending.  If you feel the need to get your 14th century on, I recommend Black Death. 

Black Christmas 2006: Turn on a freakin' light!

 Black Christmas 2006 is the worst lit film I have ever seen in my life.  Apologies to the Cinematographer, Director of Photography, and the entire Black Christmas crew.  I am sure the Director told you to "keep it dark, make it creepy.  We will light everything with Christmas lights, it will be awesome!"  It wasn't awesome.  It was too dark to see what the hell was going on.  I was more confused than my 76 year old Father, who watched the film with me and had to tell me what was going on half the time.  Throughout the film I was screaming "there is a light switch!  Use it!"  During the scene when the "power" went out I almost died laughing.  How were they going to see without those Christmas lights?  Even during the final showdown AT THE HOSPITAL there were no lights.  What hospital is lit by tea lights? 

It is shame, because this had the potential to be a good film.  It is a remake of one of my favorite films, Black Christmas 1974.  Scroll down a few posts and you will discover why I loved that film so much.  Alright, I loved it for Olivia Hussey's hair (I'm obsessed.) 

This follows the original pretty closely.  Left-behind Sorority Sisters are spending Christmas together in their house.  Andrea Martin, who was in the original, plays the house mother.  Katie Cassidy, who I loved in Gossip Girl (don't judge) plays the Olivia Hussey role.  Her hair does not even begin to compare.  Dropped is the pregnancy/crazy boyfriend storyline in favor some back story about the killer in the attic.  In the original, we know nothing about "Billy Lenz."  Here we learn a lot, including the fact that he is yellow (!) and he had a baby with this mother.  Yes, we are delving into V.C. Andrews territory here.  That unholy union produced a daughter, who may be a member of the sorority.

Billy kills his parents, which was really the best decision for him, and gets put away in an asylum.  The house gets turned into the sorority house.  Billy breaks out, and the rest is rather predictable.

The girls are not nearly as interesting in this film.  None of them are as memorable as a drunk Margo Kidder.  There are a few good scares, and a nice "face in the Christmas Tree" creep-out.  I am sure the gore was impressive, but again, the film was so dark you can't really see any of it.  I mean, did anyone else have this problem with this film?  I didn't hate this remake but it won't be on my X-mas viewing list.

Trailer: Dream House

This has a great cast and intriguing premise but I am already tired watching the trailer.

Trailer: Paranormal Activity 3

The scariest thing here are the 80's fashions! Ouch!

its on random....

Hey everyone! Check out my profile on this awesome blog!  Random Girl is a girl after my own heart!

... It's on Random: Get to know your Bloggers - Jen from Zombies are Magic

Thank you Random Girl!  Coming soon: Black Death and Black Christmas.  I am sensing a theme here...

The Raven

Comic-con is upon us again and cool stuff is just starting to trickle out (I can't wait to hear about Game of Thrones).  Here is a bit of coolness: the teaser poster for The Raven due out 3/19/2012.  This is the one where John Cusack plays Edgar Allan Poe.  Yes, March is the month were movies go to die, but I am still looking forward to this one.  Thanks to "Shock till you Drop" for posting this.