Halloween III: Season of the Witch-remake THIS Rob Zombie

So everyone is writing like crazy about the original Nightmare on Elm Street series in anticipation of the remake that is coming out this weekend. I recommend you check out excellent articles by The Film Connoiseur and Kindertrauma , both of which present interesting takes on the Krueger mythos.  Because I am lazy and behind on the times, I watched Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which has nothing to do with N.O.E.S.  Halloween III: Season of the Witch really has nothing to do with the other Halloween films either.  It was a bizarro "stand-alone" experiment meant to make the Halloween series into an anthology franchise.  Didn't work, partly because it didn't have that sexy beast Michael Myers in it, and also because it's a pretty shitty movie-even taken on its own.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch was released in 1982.  I remember seeing the poster when I was a little girl and thinking "That looks shitty."  I was right! 

H3 (I am not typing the whole damn thing out every time) begins with an hysterical man running for his life from some men in suits.  He escapes and ends up in the local hospital where he is treated by Dr. Dan Challis, played by the great Tom Atkins. Dr. Challis is an alcoholic who ignores his kids...so of course he is the hero of our story!  The men in suits finds the hysterical man in the hospital and proceed to kill him employing major head trauma. Dr. Challis chases the man in the suit outside only to witness him set himself on fire!  Soon, the man's hot daughter, Ellie, shows up and Dr. Challis decides to blow off work and his family to follow her out to this little town where Ellie's father was before getting killed.

God, even writing that paragraph bored the shit out of me!  It gets better.  The town is the home of "Silver Shamrock," a factory that makes Halloween masks.  Turns out Ellie's father found out something awful about these masks and was about to blow the whistle.  Will Ellie and the Doc uncover the mystery?  Will they get it on? Will this movie make any sense?  Yes on the first two, NO on the second.

There are a couple of great things about this flick.  One is Tom Atkins, although watching him seduce a woman gave me the creeps, I don't know why.  Number Two are the great masks designed by Don Post, which are very integral to the story.  There is no number three.  So much about this movie made no sense.  For instance, what was the point of stealing part of Stonehenge and bringing it to this factory?  And why do you want to kill all the children in the world?  And isn't there an easier way to do it? 

The original Halloween is seen playing on a TV in one scene.  It made me want to turn this movie off and turn on the original.  A lot of people hate H3, and I can see why.  Honestly, I was hoping I would like it, like it was some undiscovered gem unfairly judged by it's association with such a venerated horror cannon.  I was wrong.  Now, if you are brave, watch the commercial for "Silver Shamrock" novelty masks.  Warning: you may wish you were wearing an exploding mask.