Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

 

There's a legend 'round here. A killer buried, but not dead. A curse on Crystal Lake. A death curse. Jason Voorhees's curse. They say he died as a boy, but he keeps coming back. Few have seen him and lived. Some have even tried to stop him. No one can. People forget he's down there... waiting.

 

OK.  Friday the 13th Part VII- The New Blood is NOT part of my Rue Morgue 200 list.  It was playing on IFC and I couldn't resist.  This is a pretty awful chapter of the Jason "Oeuvre", but it does have three things going for it.  One: awesome 80's fashions.  Two: Kane Hodder's first appearance as the masked wonder.  Three: the sleeping bag death.  More on that in a minute.

 

When we last saw Jason he was tied to a rock and thrown in the lake Mob style.  Since it is clear that Jason is some sort of immortal being he is just biding his time.  A little girl named Tina, who happends to live in a house on Crystal Lake, overhears her father beating her mother.  She goes crazy and takes a boat out onto the lake in order to escape her family.  Her father runs after her, and little Tina goes all Carrie on him.  Yes, Tina has Telekinetic powers, and she kills her father that night.  Cut to a few years later.  Young Tina (played by Lar Park Lincoln, so cute I wanted to punch her) has returned to Crystal Lake with her Mullet loving mother and Dr. Crews (Terry Kiser), a shrink that is trying to "cure" Tina.  If this sounds like a bad idea trust me: it is.

In case you thought there would be no horny teenagers never fear!!  The house next door is being rented by a bunch of assholes.  One of them, Nick (Kevin Blair: so cute in a Superman sort of way) takes a liking to Tina.  Since they are both assholes this relationship will probably work out nicely.

During one of Tina's "Freak Outs" she raises Jason from his watery grave.  God this is stupid.  Let the killing begin!!!

80's Fashion!!!!!!!!!!

 

And everyone gets killed, usually right before or right after sex.  Some brilliant Doctor ought to do a study on the effect these films had on the sexual health of, say, people my age.  I mean, I am fine.  Yes, I usually am holding on to a hatchet the entire time and can only do it on the floor so the bad guy hiding under the bed can't stake us throught the belly, but that's normal, right?

Anyway, lots of people get killed and my favorite: MY FAVORITE kill of all time is the sleeping bag death.  I have seen the uncut version of this and it is so brutal.  IFC would only show one swing but that would probably do it. 

And after writing that sentence I kind of worry about my mental health.  Friday the 13th will do that to you, bless it's heart.

Friday night fever

OK- so I love Violet's death/dance sequence from Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning.  But of course, this isn't even the best dance sequence from a Friday movie.



This is the best dance sequence from a Friday movie!

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (part V)

This may be the worst Friday the 13th I have ever seen, save for one thing: the awesome robot dance done by Violet near the end of the film.  Only redeeming feature.  Jason is not even the killer in this! Sorry, that was a spoiler.  Tommy Jarvis, Jason's killer from part 4, is now grown up (but unfortunately not played by Corey Feldman) and living in a halfway house for troubled teens.  He keeps having visions of Jason, and when people start showing up dead, Tommy and the audience begin to wonder if Jason is really dead at all!  A New Beginning features one of the most annoying final girls in all of film history: Pam.  Pam fights back and can kick ass, but there is so much screaming and crying that I was really hoping she would take a machete to the face.  I actually cheered when the redneck Junior bought it, but not as much as I cheered when the final credits came up.  Because it was over.  Now enjoy this awesome trailer featuring the robot dance sequence.  Thanks to Dread Central for bringing it to my attention.



In case you didn't see enough...

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (not)

I have been all over the place with my movie watching lately, from classy things like The Innocents to not so classy things like Friday the 13th: Part 4, The Final Chapter.  I love them both equally.  I cannot remember why I put The Final Chapter in my Netflix Queue.  Most likely another blogger mentioned it, and I thought: YES!  I want to see this slice of 1984 again!!  Thank you blogger!

Do I really need to recap?  This is the one with Crispin Glover and Corey Feldman.  Glover dances, gets laid, and gets a machete to the face.  It is probably one of his most "normal" roles.  Like many, I have a not so secret bizarro movie star crush on Crispin Glover.  I especially love him in the Charlie's Angels movies. He is the only reason to see those movies.  I would love to see him in a serious role sometime, you know, one where he is not shoving cockroaches down his pants.

Back to the film.  Glover is part of a group of friends who have rented a house near Crystal Lake.  Their neighbors are the Jarvis family.  Mom, hot older sister, and Tommy, played by Corey Feldman.

 

The Tommy Jarvis character would show up in two more Fridays.  I guess they couldn't afford Feldman because he only plays the character once.  Tommy is a typical monster kid who loves creating masks in his spare time (Tom Savini did the makeup effects: I bet he loved this character).

Jason, now with signature hockey mask (thanks Part 3) returns to wreak havoc!  And you know the rest.  No spectacular kills here, only a child being stalked and terrorized and then doing one of the all time classic freak outs on film!!  The ending is actually quite disturbing, and I think explains why Feldman kind of went off the rails.  Or at least I like to think that.

The best part of this film, and all the Friday films from this era, is the awesome 80's fashion!!  It is all shoulder pads, high waisted pants, pastels, and shirt/dresses!  I rocked so many of these looks that I must have taken the Friday films as my major fashion inspiration.  No wonder I went off the rails.  Just like Feldman.

Happy Friday!

Friday the 13th Part 2: the Eighties were awesome!

It's my day off, its hot as hell, and I am super LAZY!  Perfect day to watch the little known gem, Friday the 13th Part II.

For some reason I have been hearing a lot about this flick lately, and its like the horror Gods wanted me to watch it.  I had seen it when I was a kid, but I only had hazy memories of the chick from April Fool's Day being in it and a guy in a wheelchair getting killed.  This film is so much more!  It features one hell of an awesome Final Girl, an overlong flashback sequence, and a guy in a wheelchair getting killed!

Amy Steel plays Ginny, a camp counselor/psychology major who is probably saved from getting killed in the first 20 minutes because she is on her period.  Ginny and her boyfriend Paul, who runs the camp, are training a new group of counselors.  The only thing they should really train them is "Don't have sex" and "make sure when you hit a guy with a machete that the fucker is dead!"  But they don't train them these things.  They train them to push each other in the water and have cook-outs.  It's awesome!  Paul tells the counselors the story of Jason and Camp Crystal Lake, which is nearby.  Paul thinks Jason is an Urban Legend, as do the rest of the counselors.  Ginny is not so sure.  It doesn't take Ginny long to get proven right as Jason (sans hockey mask, that comes later) starts killing left and right. 

My favorite part of this film is the Eighties fashions.  All the guys look like they are dressing for the Gay Pride Parade and all of the chicks look like they stepped out of an American Apparel ad.  Shorts that tight are not comfortable!!

I don't think I need to explain much more about Friday the 13th Part II.  It follows, and in many cases pioneered, many familiar horror tropes. There are a few good jump scares, a few to many red herrings, and very little gore.  But I loved it like I love most slashers.  They are like comfort food to me.  Bless you Steve Miner and Amy Steel and Betsy Palmer and everyone else.  You made my hot lazy day.