Frozen (Spoilers)

Spoilers ahead

 I had high hopes for Frozen.  Not only because it was Adam Green's follow up to Hatchet (a film that didn't live up to the hype but was quite fun) but also because the scenario (I am using a thesaurus!) seemed quite original.  Here's the lowdown: three friends are at a ski resort for the weekend.  Dan and Joe have been friends since grammar school.  Along for the ride is Dan's newish girlfriend, Parker.  She seems like a nice enough girl, a good sport, but Joe resents the fact that Dan has dragged her along on the boys weekend.  Don't start thinking "repressed homosexual feelings" like I did.  This movie isn't really that deep.  Parker is just kind of a buzz kill. 

The trio bribe the lift operator to let them ride all day.  This becomes important to the story because the gang are not accounted for by the ski resort.  When they convince the operator to let them go up one last time for a night run, he agrees, and then gets distracted, asking another operator to take over for him.  This becomes important to the story because a miscommunication between the operators leaves Dan, Joe, and Parker stranded mid-air with the ski resort closed for the week.  They are screwed.  After a few hours they realize no one is coming for them and that they won't survive a week in the lift.  Dan decides to jump.  Dan, not being to smart, jumps feet first and breaks (in half) both of his legs.  This becomes important to the story because Dan cannot move, cannot get help, and is going to die from blood loss.  It is now up to Parker and Joe to figure out what to do.  While they are bickering they hear a howl from the woods.  A wolf had shown up and is eying Dan.  This becomes important to the story because eventually wolves are going to eat Dan and Joe.

And this is where the movie lost me.  I had an idea of what might happen.  I was looking forward to a man against the elements survival/horror hybrid.  Would I have thought that two of the three people stuck in the chair lift would get eaten by wolves?  No.  Would I have thought that Parker would end up getting away so easily? No.  Usually I like when a film throws a curve ball at me, but not in this case.  The movie in my head turned out to be better than the movie on the screen.  Great set-up, some decent acting, and beautiful cinematography: that is what is good about Frozen.  Man eating wolves?  I can't believe I am saying this but it just didn't do it for me.  Bears would have been awesome.

Hatchet

Hatchet, directed by Adam Green, promises to be a return to "Old school American horror."  I am not even sure what that means.  Universal era monsters?  60's and 70's genre films like Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist?  Slashers from the 80's?  I think Director Adam Green is going for the later.  And although his heart is clearly in the right place, Hatchet is a little too jokey to be "Old School."  It's more like a "homage" that is a little more scary and authentic than the Scream films.

Here's the set-up.  Two friends (Joel Moore as Ben and Deon Richmond as Marcus) decided to take a "Haunted Swamp Tour" while they are visiting New Orleans during Mardi Gras.  On the tour they meet Marybeth, a local who is taking the tour to find her lost Brother and Father.  Also on the tour is a guy shooting a "Girls Gone Wild" type porno with two ditsy actresses, one of whom is played by Mercedes McNab, who was the bitchy little girl scout in the Addams Family films.  I had to throw that in there because it was driving me crazy trying to figure out where I had seen her before. 

Marybeth tells everyone the legend of Victor Crowley, the deformed, demented man-child that haunts the swamp.  Crowley doesn't take too kindly to strangers invading his space, and wouldn't you know it he has a taste for killing.

Crowley is played by the AWESOME Kane Hodder.  Hodder also has a rare, non make-up role as Crowley's father. 

Long story short, there is a lot "death by hatchet" scenes and running around the swamp while the unstoppable monster keeps on coming.  The best part of this film is the humor.  It is hysterical at times.  The gore is also totally over the top--always a good thing.  I was more in the mood for a "true" old school horror flick, so I was a bit disappointed.  But it really did like this flick and I am looking forward to seeing Adam Green's next, much more serious looking film, Frozen.  I will probably see that in about two years, f-ing On Demand and Blockbuster Exclusives and theaters that won't play horror.