Hatchet 2

 Adam Green, I really, really want to like your films.  You seem like a cool guy, you are very knowledgeable about the horror genre and you even like cats!  But I have not liked a single one of your films.  Hatchet was a let down, Frozen jumped the shark with the wolves, and Hatchet 2 took me two weeks to watch. 

So it pains me to write this review (not as much as it pained me to watch the movie, and not nearly as much as it will pain you, my dear reader, to read my review.)  Lets start with the positive: some of the kills were quite inventive.  My favorite was the doggie style beheading.  See the film and you will know what I am talking about.  The gore effects are good, and Tony Todd gives it his all (as usual) as Reverend Zombie, the Voodoo master/charlatan who has a strong, financial reason to clear the swamp of the dreaded Victor Crowley.

Now to the bad: the film was really boring.  Danielle Harris plays Marybeth, the only survivor from the first film.  She leads a ragtag group of hunters back in to the swamp to gather the remains of her family and kill Victor Crowley for good.  No one she brings with her is very interesting with the exception of Reverend Zombie.  Tom Holland, Director of Fright Night and Child's Play has a role as Marybeth's Uncle, whom Zombie requested join the group.  His character is not interesting, it just interesting that Green got Holland to do the film. 

Green gives Crowley some more back story, and Kane Hodder returns as both Victor and his Father.  It is made clear in this film that Crowley is actually a ghost: a very pissed off ghost that can kill people.  Why Marybeth or Zombie thinks they can shut him down for good is beyond me.  In any case, this is the Green explains why Crowley can't be killed and what distinguishes it from other slasher films.

Frozen was a big improvement over Hatchet (and much better than Hatchet 2) and I look forward to seeing Green's next film.  I just hope it isn't another Hatchet.  He was heading in the right direction with Frozen.  Keep heading in that direction Mr. Green.

Frozen (Spoilers)

Spoilers ahead

 I had high hopes for Frozen.  Not only because it was Adam Green's follow up to Hatchet (a film that didn't live up to the hype but was quite fun) but also because the scenario (I am using a thesaurus!) seemed quite original.  Here's the lowdown: three friends are at a ski resort for the weekend.  Dan and Joe have been friends since grammar school.  Along for the ride is Dan's newish girlfriend, Parker.  She seems like a nice enough girl, a good sport, but Joe resents the fact that Dan has dragged her along on the boys weekend.  Don't start thinking "repressed homosexual feelings" like I did.  This movie isn't really that deep.  Parker is just kind of a buzz kill. 

The trio bribe the lift operator to let them ride all day.  This becomes important to the story because the gang are not accounted for by the ski resort.  When they convince the operator to let them go up one last time for a night run, he agrees, and then gets distracted, asking another operator to take over for him.  This becomes important to the story because a miscommunication between the operators leaves Dan, Joe, and Parker stranded mid-air with the ski resort closed for the week.  They are screwed.  After a few hours they realize no one is coming for them and that they won't survive a week in the lift.  Dan decides to jump.  Dan, not being to smart, jumps feet first and breaks (in half) both of his legs.  This becomes important to the story because Dan cannot move, cannot get help, and is going to die from blood loss.  It is now up to Parker and Joe to figure out what to do.  While they are bickering they hear a howl from the woods.  A wolf had shown up and is eying Dan.  This becomes important to the story because eventually wolves are going to eat Dan and Joe.

And this is where the movie lost me.  I had an idea of what might happen.  I was looking forward to a man against the elements survival/horror hybrid.  Would I have thought that two of the three people stuck in the chair lift would get eaten by wolves?  No.  Would I have thought that Parker would end up getting away so easily? No.  Usually I like when a film throws a curve ball at me, but not in this case.  The movie in my head turned out to be better than the movie on the screen.  Great set-up, some decent acting, and beautiful cinematography: that is what is good about Frozen.  Man eating wolves?  I can't believe I am saying this but it just didn't do it for me.  Bears would have been awesome.