My second favorite horror genre trailer: INBRED

Thanks to Freddy in Space for the heads up on what may be the greatest inbred cannibal film of 2012: Inbred!  Check the offical site HERE.




I guess we can't call them hillbillies if they are British. 

I heart "The Woman"

It's not often that I put the "I Heart" designation in front of a film title, but it being Valentine's and all I decided it was finally time to trot it out again.  I loved, loved, loved Lucky McKee's The Woman.  I don't thing I have has such a strong reaction to a horror film since Martyrs.  Is there something wrong with me?  Without a doubt.

The Woman is an "unofficial" sequel to The Offspring.  You can check out my review of that film here.  The Offspring wasn't all that and a bag of chips, but it did fall under one of my favorite categories, which is the "Inbred Hillbilly Cannibal" genre.  I had also read Jack Ketchum's books.  The best part of The Offspring was Pollyanna McIntosh's performance as "the Woman", the leader of this particular pack of inbred cannibals.  Lucky must have thought so as well because she is back in his film, which picks up pretty much where The Offspring left off.  The Woman, injured, is wondering around the woods when she is spotted by Chris Cleek, a successful lawyer out hunting.  Cleek immediately decides he is going to capture her and "tame" her, enlisting his family to help with the project.  Now, if this does not sound like the thinking of a rational, sane person, you are right on the money.  Chris Cleek is monster more dangerous than an inbred cannibal.  Played by Sean Bridgers, Cleek may be one of the most terrifying villains I have encountered in quite a while.

He is lord and master of his house.  The family lives in fear of him, especially his obviously abused wife Belle, played by the amazing Angela Bettis.  Belle is trapped, both by her own fear and cowardice.  She can't protect anyone, especially her own daughter, Peggy, who is pregnant (possibly by Chris himself.)  Added to this mix is Brian Cleek, the young son who is happily following in Daddy's footsteps.  The Cleek's are horrifying enough.  Adding "the Woman" too the mix is a recipe for disaster.  

Much has been said about the brutality of this film, and some have charged it with being misogynistic. I don't believe that  Lucky McKee is a misogynist.  Personally, I found nothing offensive in this film.  Real women are sometimes weak and flawed, sometimes strong and heroic, and sometimes vicious inbred cannibals (OK, that last one does not represent a whole lot of women.)  As far as the brutality is concerned, I can say that this is not torture porn.  Most of the horrible stuff is suggested or off screen.  It is emotionally brutal however, made more so by the terrific performances of Bridgers, Bettis, McIntosh, and Lauren Ashley Carter as Peggy Cleek.

Now let's talk about the ending.  I don't want to spoil anything but lets just say you can't keep an inbred cannibal locked up and expect everything to be O.K.  When the Woman gets her revenge, she gets it really good.  I absolutely loved the very strange, unexpected ending.  It was the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake. 

Watch The Woman this Valentine's day with someone you love!  Or not.  But watch it.  Its really good.

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

It's like an Inbred Cannibal bonanza up in here!!!  Who would have thought I would be so lucky to watch so many Inbred Cannibal films in so short a time.  First it was The Offspring.  Then, last night, I caught the last 20 minutes of Wrong Turn on HBO.  That prompted me to run right out and rent Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings.   Initially I was a bit worried because I don't think I have seen Wrong Turn 3.  Then I figured that at this point it really doesn't matter.  They are all the same movie and they are all wonderful to my eyes...

 WT4, as it shall henceforth be known, is a prequel.  We are introduced to the nasty inbred brothers Three Fingers, One Eye, and Saw Tooth.  They are locked away in a Sanatorium for nasty Inbred Cannibals.  I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Three Fingers, even more so now that I have learned that he cut off and ate his own fingers, hence the nickname.  The brothers break out of the Sanatorium and kill the shit out of everyone there.  I mean, they really kill the shit out them.  Take a look.......

Cut to a few years later.  A bunch of idiotic College students are planning a weekend getaway at some remote cabin in the woods.   They get lost on while riding their awesome snowmobiles and end up at the abandoned.............Sanatorium!!  Which you just know those nasty Inbred Cannibal brothers still live at!  Yes, these College idiots are going to get the shit killed out of them! 

Watching this film I found myself thinking that it may be the best comedy of the year!  The kids are so stupid!  They repeatedly make the horror film mistakes of splitting up and having sex.  Each and everyone of them are assholes and I was really rooting for the cannibals throughout.  The kills are super over the top and the ending had me rolling on the floor laughing.  Good times all around. 

I may have to take a break from this genre for a while.  I don't think it's healthy to watch too many Inbred Cannibal films at once.  I once read a book about real life cannibals and I didn't feel right for a long time.  My Dad made the astute observation that I probably like this genre because Inbred Cannibals are so close to Zombies.  That may be right but I will always choose Zombies.  Zombies are so much sweeter.

I heart Wrong Turn....

Where the hell was I in 2003 when this film came out? It was great! And I am so proud of myself that I correctly guessed who was going to die. The order in which their name appears on the poster is always a pretty good indicator. If you are not featured on the poster: you are going to die. If your name is Jeremy Sisto: you are going to die. Second female lead: die. It is pretty much the same concept that if you do drugs or have sex you are going to die. By the way, the people that do drugs and have sex in this movie die. It's really very straightforward.

And that is why I love this film: it is old school, 70s throwback horror. Four people, lost in the woods, stalked by cannibals. It's as pure as Ivory soap. If you find yourself trapped in a car graveyard: chances are you are going to die.

So Wrong Turn is the story of these 4 youngsters who, believe or not, are not total tools, despite the fact that one of the chicks is wearing her yoga gear on a camping trip. After a car accident and some mysteriously placed barb wire disable both of their cars, the Scooby Gang go off in search of help. By the way, this all takes place in West Virginia. If your car breaks down in West Virginia: you get the idea.

The first house they come to is inhabited by inbred cannibals!!! I really love the inbred cannibal genre. In fact, inbred cannibals rank right up there my other favorite monsters: Zombies. Inbred cannibals ususually have a little bit more personality than Zombies, and they can play a mean banjo. But since I doubt the end of the world will be brought on by the rising of inbred cannibals, I have to go with Zombies as my all time fave. OMG: The Road, which comes out soon and was written by my favorite Author who is not named Poe or Lovecraft, also features inbred cannibals. Really just cannibals, but it's the end of the world and I am sure there is some inbreeding going on. McCarthy just didn't get around to that part.

Back to Wrong Turn. After some nice, tense scenes in the inbred cannibal house of horror (will not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon) we are treated to quite a bit of running around in the woods, a beautiful (I am not shitting you) watchtower scene, and the best tree work since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This movie moves along at a nice, jazzy pace, features characters you care about, has quite a bit of gore (head trauma!) and has a pretty satisfying ending. Unfortunately, I did not dream about inbred cannibals (damn Godzilla/Zombie hybrid reoccurring dream! I am sick of you and you don't make any sense!), but I did cover my eyes during the film and I liked it enough to watch the special features. Watch them if you are a fan of the late, great Stan Winston. It's groovy to see him talk about why he loves horror.

Next up: Wrong Turn 2: The one with Henry Rollins.