Trailer: We are what we are

I am a bit obsessed with Cannibals right now thanks to just finishing Off Season and Offspring by Jack Ketchum. This film looks amazing, I can't wait to see it. 

April Fools Day 2008: I spent 3 bucks for this?

I just can't resist a horror film priced at $3.00.  Especially a horror film that is a remake of one of my favorite slumber party films from the eighties.  The original April Fool's Day came out in 1986, and I must have seen it 30 times at various slumber parties of my youth.  It holds a special place in my heart.  Yes, it's a crap film, but it was my special crap film.  If I watched it today I am sure I would mourn my misspent youth.  I already do that enough so I am not going to watch it.  Instead, I watched this straight to DVD "film" (term used loosely)

I couldn't even find any good stills from the film it is so bad.  This is a "remake" in name only.  Different characters, different setting.  Michell Altieri and Phil Flores, better known as The Butcher Brothers (great name I have to admit) directed, and Taylor Cole (hot chick in red dress) and Scout Taylor-Compton star.  Cole plays Desiree Cartier, a spoiled Southern rich girl who is thowing a coming out party for Taylor-Compton's Torrance (another great name!  Why hasn't this taken off like Madison?)  The real purpose of this party is to humilate another rich girl, whose name I didn't write down (I think it's Milan.  Lets just go with that.)  See, its April Fools, and they are going to play a prank on her.  The prank goes horribly wrong, and someone dies.  Cut to a year later, and the main players at the party begin to be hunted down by an unseen killer.  Desiree and her brother, Blaine (really?) try to find the killer before they become the next victims!  As you may have alread guessed, there is a twist at the end that you would have to be blind not to see.  It is the same twist as the original film but instead of being awesome (if you are 13) it is lame.
I was sort of interested in seeing this because Jennifer Siebel, Gavin Newsom's wife, is also in it.  She made the right career choice by becoming the Mayor's wife.  The acting is pretty awful and the characters are totally unlikable (I at least like having someone to root for.  No luck here.)  There is no blood and no boobs.  Not that you need either one of those things for a horror film, but if you are attempting a souless cash grab such as this, those things help.  There was exactly one thing I liked about this film.  The main character, Desiree, wears these stilletto heel boots throughout most of the film, except in the scene where she is trying to outrun the killer in the parking garage.  The filmmakers actually put her in black tennis shoes with knee-high black socks so that she could run easier, and assumed the audience wouldn't notice.  You can see her shoe laces!!  Did she change before the chase?  It's great.  It was almost worth the 3 bucks I paid for this film.  Now, off to watch Glee.  Enjoy this trailer for the original film.

Trailer: Hysterical Psycho

Hysterical Psycho - Trailer
Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.
Our buddy Ariel is in this... I have no idea when it comes out (Halloween maybe?) but the trailer looks great! In other news, review of The Butcher Brother's April Fools Day coming soon.  I know, contain your excitement.

Teaser: The Human Centipede II

I don't know about "the sickest film ever made" but sewing 12 people together ass to mouth is pretty messed up. I cannot believe they are trying to make a franchise out of this, but they are!

Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural

Run, little girl! Innocence is in peril tonight!

With a tag line like that how could you not love Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural.  Sometimes films appear on my Netflix Queue and I have no idea how they got there.  Such is the case with this 1973 film directed by Richard Blackburn.  And despite what the Netflix envelope says, this film is not as salacious as it sounds.  It is vaguely disturbing and weird however, with dark undercurrents that give you an "ick" feeling long after the film has ended. 

Cheryl Smith (who was 17 at the time of filming) plays 13 year old Lila Lee, a young girl whose gangster Father just killed her Mother.  Lila is taken in by a church, whose parishioners are all women, and whose Reverend (played by Blackburn) obviously has some issues.  Lila receives a mysterious letter one night from a woman who claims to be taking care of her dying Father.  He wants to see Lila one more time, so Lila sneaks away from the church to find him.   Thus begins her descent into adulthood/hell.

This film really is about the loss of innocence.  Every step of the way Lila is thrust into an adult world of leering men, violence, sex, zombies, and Lesbian Vampires.  It is not as great as it sounds.  This is a slow moving film, with lots of running around in the dark and bad make-up.  Lesley Gilb, as Lemora, the Vampire Queen, is a saving grace.  Her performance is very strange.  Is she good or evil?  Is she a "mother" figure or a predator?  She glides through the film as if she was given no clear direction but it works!  The film also looks great.  It is a period piece, set during prohibition, and it feels very authentic.  The ending is a little disjointed, as is the rest of the film, but it is worth checking out.  It is a PG rated horror film, but it is not at all for children.

Loves: Werner Herzog

One of my few "non-horror" obsessions is Werner Herzog (although he is a little creepy.)  IFC films just bought the North American distribution rights to Herzog's newest documentary, Caves of Forgotten Dreams.  The film is about the Chauvet-pont-d'Arc caves in Southern France.  And it is filmed in 3D!  Take that Piranha!  Below enjoy Herzog talking about what he found in the caves...



I loves me some Werner Herzog.

Brewster Rockit

You know how I love Lio, but I also love Brewster Rockit.. check it out at: http://www.gocomics.com/brewsterrockit