The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

My god, writing this post is almost as annoying as sitting through this "film."  I couldn't find any images that were not "fan-made."  Looking at a few of them was about as deep into the Twilight universe as I would like to get.  I will make this short and sweet.

I (almost) had high hopes for this chapter of the "saga" given that the Director, David Slade, actually made two good creepy, scary films: Hard Candy and the under-rated 30 Days of Night.  Yes, a hard-core Vampire film.  And I figured considering there is quite a lot of bloodshed in the book (yes, I read them, lets move on) the Producer's picked Slade to amp up the action and give us a little gore.  What Slade gave us is perhaps the funniest film so far (unintentionally.)  Seriously, the scene where Bella tries to get Edward to "sleep" with her (I feel wrong using the word "fuck" given how clean and good this film is) might be the most hysterical scene in a film this Summer.  This is one of the many non-stop "talking" scenes throughout this film.  All they do is talk.  It's like My Dinner with Andre with 100% more teen angst.

If I were a hard-core Twilight fan I would be pissed about how cheap this film looks.  I mean, the studio has made a shit-load of money off these fans and they can't afford to buy Kristen Steward a realistic wig?  The camp in the snow looks like something I could have built in my backyard (and I can't build shit) and don't get me started on the Werewolves (CGI monstrosities.)  Don't expect gore: there is a decapitation in the film but it is so pretty even my Mother was like "isn't that lovely." 

OK- lets find nice things to say: Taylor Lautner acts a little better in this film, and the song over the end credits is quite nice.  Slade may have a career ahead of him directing "Summer's Eve" commercials, and at least they included the chick Werewolf. 

The final film (which I hear they are going to split in two) will be quite the sight to behold.  I don't know how they are going film some of the more graphic scenes.  Perhaps they will just talk about them.  Talk and talk and talk.