I kid. This movie wasn't that bad. I liked it better than the first Underworld sequel, which just gave me a headache. You should not need cliff notes and an illustrated timeline to watch a movie. "Rise of the Lycans" is a prequel (no Kate Beckinsale!) about the beginning of the war between the Vampires and the Lycans (always shouted LYCANNNNSSS!!!!) The film is too dark, like the other two, and the CGI is terrible, like the other two. But this film has a straightforward story, a tragic romance, and decent acting from thespians who look like they are having fun. The great (too great for films like this) Micheal Sheen and Bill Nighy reprise their roles as Lucian and Vicktor. Rhona Mitra plays Sonja, the forbidden object of Lucian's affection. I love Rhona Mitra. I know some people call her a low rent Jolie or Beckinsale, but she will always have a place in my heart due to her role in "Nip/Tuck."
If you are on the fence about this film, or considering watching "Button" instead, let me sell you on the fact that this film has one of the weirdest sex scenes I have ever seen. Totally out of left field and it only lasts a second, I actually had to "rewind" and watch it again. So it has that going for it. Take that Brad Pitt!