Nightmare on Elm Street: La Remake

I dragged my ass to see A Nightmare on Elm Street today.  I am still exhausted from my night with Peaches Christ and All About Evil.  I went and I realized a very important thing:  I can blame all of my fuck-ups on the fact that I am taking "micro-naps" and therefore dreaming without really sleeping.  I think I had about 10 "micro-naps" during this film, because it was so boring I couldn't help but hallucinate.

I was not anti-remake like so many others, although I do love the original film with all of my twisted, black heart.  I am always willing to check out remakes or sequels of films that I love, if for no other reason that I want to spend more time with these characters.  The only thing that really works in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 is Jackie Earl Haley as Krueger and Katie Cassidy as Kris.  I love Jackie Earl Haley and would probably see anything he was in.  His Krueger is one pissed off and strangely horny dude who is not as quick with the one-liners as his predecessor.  We get much more back story with this version, and a stronger emphasis on the child-molesting angle that was only hinted at in the original.  The idea is floated that Krueger may have been innocent, hence the reason he is so royally pissed off in the afterlife.

The other thing that works is Katie Cassidy as Kris.  In real life she is only 24 but looks WAY TO OLD to be a high school girl.  Nevertheless, her character is the only one with a little personality .  And I mean very little personality.  But some is better than none.  Rooney Mara's Nancy has got to be the most boring individual seen on screen for quite a while.  She lacks the original Nancy's spunk or will to survive.  Mara's Nancy is a depressing, socially awkward artist.  You are pretty much rooting for her to die the minute you meet her.  Ditto with the rest of the cast, maybe minus Kris, but only because she is wearing great shoes.

People are ripping music video director Samuel Bayer for doing a shitty job.  I don't think the problem is entirely with him.  The film is beautifully shot and there are a few good scares.  The film only lasts about 90 minutes so pacing is not a problem.  The problem is that this is an unnecessary remake which brings nothing new (except some back-story) to the table.  The only thing this film made me want to do is re-watch the original.  Hey, that's a good thing!! 

Now, because it is playoff season, here is my list of NBA personalities that look like the new Freddy Krueger:

 Steve Nash

Dick Bavetta

Yao Ming (cat version.)  Seriously, how much does my cat look like Haley's Krueger?!?