Sunday, November 8, 2009

Love affair with Coffin Joe: OVER!

You would think a film with a name like Strange Hostel of Naked Pleasure would be pretty good. Well, you would be wrong. Although not an "official" Coffin Joe film, this little ditty from 1976 features Jose Mojica Marins playing his iconic character, the Brazilian Boogyman.

Where do I start on this psychedelic mess? Here is a quick overview, which I actually had to get help on from Wikipedia because even though I watched the film, I still had no idea what it was about. Marins plays a mysterious character whom, in the beginning of the film, is "raised" from his coffin during an elaborate voodoo ceremony. This is what it takes to raise someone from the dead:
  1. 3 shirtless bongo players
  2. 10 semi-naked stoned chicks who are "dancing" to choreography that looks like something I could of put together when I was 5 years old..
  3. 1 Witchy Priestess who shows up during the last few minutes to look concerned
  4. 4 guys dressed as female gorillas
  5. Lots of pastel drapery.

That's it. For your trouble you get Coffin Joe, who starts spouting bullshit the minute he wakes up!! No wonder the Priestess looks concerned.

Given the first few minutes you would think I would LOVE this flick. It's like Beyond the Valley of the Dolls but made by people on a REALLY bad trip. Turns out Coffin Joe now runs the creepiest Hostel in Brazil. He is very picky about his guests: he turns away some although there is plenty of room, while others that he accepts seem to already have a reservation, even though they are random travellers seeking shelter from the storm. We are treated to about 30 minutes of a Love Boat style "meet the guests" sequence. They include: 4 gamblers, a perfectly nice couple that just want to get it on, an adulterous couple that just want to fight, 4 businessmen (or are they gamblers, I just couldn't figure this out,) 5 guys who just pulled off a jewel heist, and about 20 stoned hippie bikers. If I am trying to check into a hotel and Coffin Joe is the guy who gives me my key, I would run in the other direction, even if I was a stoned hippie biker. Anyway, the next hour of the film is like Fantasy Island (Aaron Spelling would be so proud) but with a lot more nudity. We see these douchbags gamble, plot, argue, have sex (trust me, not as awesome as it sounds) and have a drunken orgy (again, not as awesome as it sounds.) The drunken orgy is my favorite part of the film, not because I am a perv, but because it is hysterical. The editors re-use the same 8 shots about 20 different times. Look, there is the blond chick's boobs again. Look, there is the guy in pink pants falling on the floor! Look, the chick in yellow shorts is shaking her butt! Blood chick's boobs again! This goes on forever!!! The whole time everyone is shouting "Everyone naked-great!" "Everyone naked-great!" So much so that I am sure I woke up in the middle of the night shouting "Everyone naked-great!" With my husband out of town the only one to hear me was the cat, and he looked totally disgusted (as usual.)

I won't ruin the end for you but I promise: it does end. I was so pissed off at the end of this flick I took Marins off my horror crush list (yes, he was on it.) Give me a few days to calm down and I am sure I will forgive Coffin Joe. After all, he didn't direct this flick (although he wrote and produced it) and 1976 was a weird time. I should know. I was 2.



I forgot the 15 gyrating men! How could I forget that!!!

5 comments:

Cellar Door said...

"Strange Hostel of Naked Pleasure"???!~ Holy crap! A name for our farm!!!! Finally!!!

We need a really, really big sign.

Dwido said...

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. OMG
MISTRESS ZAM, PLEASE!!!! (Although the chick in blue was kinda hot!)

Jen said...

It is a perfect name for your farm!!! I can't wait to visit the "strange hostel of naked pleasure!" Just don't let any hippie bikers crash there- it will take a year to disenfect the place...

Cellar Door said...

Damn. I'll have to paint over the subtext on the sign where I wrote, "Dirty Hippie Bikers Welcome"! And then I painted a little troll on a Harley...

Propagatrix said...

Totally agree. I watched this mostly on fast-forward and honestly don't feel I missed anything as a result. (Believe it or not, I actually had a "Jose Mojica Marins" timer on my DVR.)