Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Zombie Tarot

 I was fortunate enough to receive a sneak peak at The Zombie Tarot by Stacey Graham (professional Tarot Card reader) and Paul Kepple (kick ass zombie artist.)  I love Tarot cards, I always have, but I have often wondered "How does this really relate to me?  How is this really going to help me in the future?"  Now, with recent events in Florida, I may need all the extra help I can get!!  On to the Zombie Tarot!!!

The Zombie Tarot can not only help you with your past, present, and future (seriously, Zombies aside, it was spot on target about my future.  Just got some big job news shortly after my first reading.  Unfortunately, job news does not involve actual Zombies.  Just job Zombies.), it can also help you decide what to do when the face eaters leave Florida and begin their path of destruction.

It is super easy to use (I find most Tarot decks very confusing.  So much shit to remember!  Ugh!) and features really beautiful illustrations by Paul Kepple.  If you are not interested in learning the mysteries of Tarot at least you have pretty Zombie pictures to look at!!  Coming out June 5th, a perfect Flag Day gift.

Thanks Quirk Books!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Real Horror: Zombies in Miami

Yikes!!!  This is some crazy shit.  Drugs are most likely the culprit.........although it could be the first sign of the Zombie Apocalypse.  I knew it would start in Florida.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Walking Dead Season 3

Can't believe we have to wait until October!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Thing from another world (1951)

I am so lucky to have a revival movie house within walking distance!  I love the Stanford Theatre but they play, if I am lucky, one horror or sci-fi film per year.  For 2012 they decided to play one of the best, Howard Hawks' The Thing from Another World.  Based on John W. Campbell Jr's Who Goes There? (see my review here), The Thing from Another World inspired countless filmmakers, not the least of which is John Carpenter, who would direct the remake in in 1982. 

Although he didn't "direct" it, The Thing is very much a Howard Hawks film.  Rapid fire dialog, action, humor, strong characters.  It bears very little resemblance to the source material, a rare instance when the remake follows the origin story more closely than the original film.  Researchers in Arctic discover a downed flying saucer.  The Air Force comes to investigate, and accidentally blows up the ship. 

Luckily (or unluckily as it would turn out) one of the passengers escaped the ship in time, and is now encased in the ice.  The Scientists want to thaw him, the Air Force Captain, played by Kenneth Tobey, wants to wait for orders.  A misplaced electric blanket is going to decide the fate of all of them.

Didn't the Norwegians do this?


The great James Arness plays the monster (aka "The Thing").  Unlike the shape shifter/human morpher of Carpenter's film, this "Thing" is more of a...........vegetable.  Don't knock it till you see it: carrots can be very scary!

I have seen this film a few times before and I appreciate it more every time.  It's damn funny and holds up well.  Arness is very scary as the monster, sort of a more demonic Frankenstein.  So here is my suggested Thing marathon:  see The Thing from Another World.  Then see The Thing.  Then read Who Goes There?.  Then watch the The Thing again.  Then watch The Thing from Another World again because it is so damn charming.  Please skip the mess of a prequel. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Take Shelter

Another day, another non-horror horror film.  Take Shelter is arty: let's get that out of the way. If arty is not your thing, if you only love films that have aliens or hot babes or gore, this film is not for you.  Directed by Jeff Nichols, Take Shelter stars Michael Shannon (also known as the most intense man in the world) as Curtis, a blue-collar kind of guy who begins to have visions of an apocalyptic event brought about by a great storm. 

This worries his family: loving and patient wife Samantha (played by Jessica Chastain, who apparently is in everything but I swear this is the first film I have seen her in), and daughter Hannah (Tova Stewart).  Not helping the situation is the fact that Hannah is deaf and the family can barely afford the care she needs.  When Curtis loses his job due to his erratic behavior, the ticking time bomb that is his mind goes off.

Curtis comes from a family with a history of mental illness.  His mother is schizophrenic.  Watching the film you are never sure if these "visions" are a product of his troubled mind or the real deal.  What is real is the problems they cause.  Take Shelter is a film about the fallout from a man losing his mind.  Not horror, although horrible things happen to this man and his family.

At least until the very end.  The final scene flips this film on its head and made me love it!  I won't, of course, give it away.  (It's really good.)

Michael Shannon is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors.  His performance in Bug was amazing (just try to ignore Ashley Judd.)  If you are a fan, see this film!  Just remember: arty, heavy drama.  Don't come yelling at me if you don't like it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


This is my kind of parade!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Creepy Comics: Zits

So you know I love the funnies.  Sometimes, a beloved comic will venture into Creepville.  I did not want to see this image while I was eating my frosted flakes this morning!!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Lonely Place to Die

I thought A Lonely Place to Die was a horror film, being that it was profiled in Fangoria and all, but it is really more of a kidnapping/outdoorsy thriller ala Shoot to Kill.  Remember that movie?  Sidney Poitier as an action hero?  A hot Kirstie Alley?  Rent it!  It is awesome!

Two things drew me to A Lonely Place to Die, besides the perceived horror element.  One is Melissa George, who I think is great (on the cusp of full horror girl stardom) and the other was the mountain climbing element.  I am a sucker for mountain climbing stories, have been since I read Into Thin Air many years ago.  In another life I could have been a mountain climber, although in this one I can barely climb a hill.  There are a bunch of good mountain climbing films and documentaries, including the excellent Touching the Void and Third Man on the Mountain.  A Lonely Place to Die will not be joining that list.  It is not really a climbing movie.  Yes, the group we are going to spend two hours with are mountain climbing in the Scottish Highlands and yes, the film opens with mountain climbing scene, but most of the action takes place off the mountain.  The whole story gets started on their WAY to the mountain. 

A group of friends is on their way to climb in the Scottish Highlands.  They speak wistfully of K2 but I get the sense that their climbing experience limits them to more manageable mountains.  In the woods they hear a voice crying out in an unknown language.  They find a small girl buried underground.  This whole build up is spooky and you begin to wonder if this is going to turn into some kind of Saw/Hostel torture tourist kind of thing.  Turns out that the girl is a kidnap victim, and her kidnappers are going to be none to pleased that these mountain climbers have rescued her.  At this point the film becomes a chase thiller, with two very, very bad men as the hunters and Melissa George and the little girl as the prey.

Although I was suprised by the film (it was not at all what I expected) I enjoyed it.  If you are in the mood for a thriller, I would recommend this.  If you are in the mood for a mountain climbing horror film (which I was) I would not. 

Friday, May 4, 2012

The Raven

I have two nice things to say about The Raven, directed by James McTeigue.  One: this is a cool poster.

Two: John Cusack really gives it his all for about half the movie.  Now can I start complaining?

Gawd this movie was awful!!  The acting and casting was absolutely atrocious.  Look at this girl.  Does she look like she is from the 19th century to you?  Would she be dating Edgar Allan Poe?  Could they not have found a halfway decent actress to play Emily Hamilton (a completely fictional character by the way)? 

And this guy.  God, he was terrible.  I cringed every time he opened his mouth.  The only thing distracting me from Luke Evans horrible performance as Detective Fields was watching John Cusack completely give up once this turned into a Saw rip off.  I admit I saw this because I love all things Poe.  Do yourself a favor: read him instead of watching this garbage.  Here, I will get you started...

Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.


Hear the mellow wedding bells -
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells!
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!
From the molten-golden notes,
And all in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle-dove that listens, while she gloats
On the moon!
Oh, from out the sounding cells
What a gush of euphony voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
On the Future! -how it tells
Of the rapture that impels
To the swinging and the ringing
Of the bells, bells, bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the rhyming and the chiming of the bells!


Hear the loud alarum bells -
Brazen bells!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor
Now -now to sit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells -
Of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!


Hear the tolling of the bells -
Iron bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people -ah, the people -
They that dwell up in the steeple,
All alone,
And who tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone -
They are neither man nor woman -
They are neither brute nor human -
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
A paean from the bells!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of the bells!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of the bells,
Of the bells -
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the sobbing of the bells;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the tolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the moaning and the groaning of the bells.

xoxo EAP.