Tuesday, May 6, 2014

My Dirty Secret: The Met Gala

Don't freak out.  This is still a horror blog.  I just haven't watched a new horror film for the past month.  Work has been very stressful so I have been taking comfort in the old favorites: Dawn of the Dead, The Thing, Halloween...  I have no new observations to add to these films.  They are perfect, and writing about perfect movies is kind of boring for me. 
But I want to write!  So, my dear readers (all two of you, three maybe if my Father ever looks at this), I have decided to write about one of my dirty little secrets.  I love Fashion.  There, I said it.  I am out of the closet.  Now, I am no fashionista myself, trust me.  I can't put together an outfit to save my life.  I don't desire to own Couture unless I can get it at Target.  But I love looking at Fashion.  Last night was the Fashion orgy known as "The Met Gala."  This is like prom for rich people.  Every year I anxiously await the photos of all the rich beautiful people in their gorgeous frocks.  Every Met Gala has a "theme."  Last year it was Punk.  That was awesome.  This year it was Charles James: Beyond Fashion.  Charles James was an amazing designer/friend of Elsa Peretti who made bad ass ballgowns.  I mean, take a look:

When I was a kid watching old movies this is how I thought all women dressed in the evening.  They would cook dinner, get dressed, have a cocktail and a cigarette, and wait for their husband to get home.  The only one of these things that I do is have a cocktail, and only that because my husband doesn't like cigarettes.  If he is lucky I may put on clean sweatpants while I wait for him to cook me dinner.
So one would think with this theme there would be some amazing outfits.  Nope.  Rich people can't follow directions every well.  Yes, some women did wear ballgowns, but more often than not they looked insane (I am looking at you Katie Holmes.)  So, in no particular order with very little forethought, please enjoy my observations on this year's Met Gala fashions.  WWD and Vogue can call me anytime with a job offer...

Lets start with SJP, kind of the Queen of the Met Gala (sorry Anna, I know it's your show).  Sarah Jessica Parker actually dressed pretty well to theme.  I love the dress.  The hair is a little too Gary Oldman for me.

 Best Dressed Couple: BeyoncĂ© and Jay-Z.  I usually hate whatever BeyoncĂ© is wearing but I love this.
 Worst Dressed Couple: Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.  Really?  What the hell.  Sit down Johnny Depp.  Just sit down.

 I kind of love this #1: Bree Larson.

 Way to rock a pair of pants: Cara "I can't spell her last name".  I love this bisexual junkie supermodel.  Could do with out Stella here.  She "insists" upon herself. 

 Worst Accessory: Charlize Theron.  The accessory is her date Sean Penn.  Yuck.  This just doesn't make any sense.
 Is she Stoned?: This chick from "How I met your Mother". 
 Worst Dressed: Elizabeth Olsen.  Honey, this is wrong on so many levels.
 I kind of love it #2: Janelle Monae
 You are not Frida Kahlo: Kate Upton.  You are not.
 The Scientologists have won!: Katie Holmes.  I would have called you worst dressed, but I wasn't expecting anything great.  You look like a Disney Princess on a bender. 
 You go girl:  Rita Ora
 My Obsession: The Olsen Twins.  How could you not love this?
 Ummm??: Margot Robbie.  Your stylist must hate you.
 I kind of love it #3: Maggie Gyllenhaal.  She looks like an aging 70's porn star.  In a good way.
 Best to theme: Maggie Q.  You killed it in every way possible.
 Worst to theme: Lupita Nyong'o.  Charles James was not Native American.  Nor was he Bob Mackie.

Best Dressed of the night:  No Doubt: Kirstin Dunst!!  Love you and love this dress!  You hot mess keep up the good work!
Yeah!  That was fun.  I hope you enjoyed this little detour from horror.  I might post more things like this now because I just don't have time to watch much horror at the moment.  I do have time to spend three hours sitting at the computer staring at dresses however.