Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Uninvited

Watched "The Uninvited" last night. What a lame name for a movie. Anyway, my cat got up and walked out in the middle of it and I should of as well. There is nothing "scary" about this film. It is more of a thriller along the lines of "The Sixth Sense." And if I gave too much away by saying that consider yourself lucky. The film wasn't all bad. Elizabeth Banks is in it, and she plays a TOTAL bitch. But her character, like this film, goes nowhere. Also, the house that all of the action takes place in is really cool, and I spent most of the film fantasizing about living in a place like that someday. I was so off in dreamland that I didn't guess the all to obvious twist ending, so I thought for a second "oh, that was cool," and then I woke up. My main problem with this film is that the Final Girl looks 40 even though she is only 16.
"The Uninvited" is a remake of "A Tale of Two Sisters," which I have yet to see ( I have got to stop seeing the shitty remakes before seeing the original. Bad Jen Jen.) Look at these two posters: Which looks like a better film to you?

Everything old is new again..

Tell me this doesn't look like a trailer for a zombie film? Especially the second commercial.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sometimes I wish I lived in Texas..

Why can't there be a killer bookstore in Palo Alto like this one? Wait, there is nothing killer in Palo Alto, I forgot. Check out the site for this "All Horror" store in Texas:
They were kind enough to collect all the best Horror Movie Trailers in one spot for my viewing enjoyment! Yeah!

(The store my Husband works at is pretty killer, but I am pretty sure is the only one in Paly.)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

House of the Devil

The devil is big right now man! He is like last years vampire or 2007's zombie. EVERYWHERE!!! This film is from some wunderkind that I am not familiar with. It has Tom Noonan and Dee Wallace. What more do you need to know! (The Wunderkind's name is Ti West and I guess I should rent "Roost." I think that was his breakout film.)

When the gates of Hell are opened..

You get freaky shit like this! This is hitting the festival circut right now, so I don't know when it is getting released. "Seventh Moon" looks better than some of the other previews I have seen, especially "H2," which I hate more everytime I see it. I am such a cranky old fart.

Monday, April 27, 2009


This looks pretty nice. I have no idea when it is being released. It is hitting all of the festivals right now. Sam Rockwell is one of my favorite actors. The voice is Kevin Spacey, not John Malkovich.

Its coming..

In some fit of insanity I put "Martyrs" on my Netflix Que and now it is coming. Won't be here till Tuesday, and I can't watch it with my husband in the house, so I will have to watch it Friday night. This film is going to sit around and infect my apartment with its nastiness. Maybe I will call in sick one day so I can watch it. I should not pre-judge. It is (apparently) so good it warranted cover stories in both Rue Morgue and Fangoria. Of course both magazines suggest that this film is not "OK." Meaning, maybe a film like this shouldn't exist? Whatever. I survived "Eraserhead" and I will survive this.

Or maybe not. Check out this review:
What does he mean that once you have watched it, you can't un-watch it?

Reanimated indeed..

This looks very cool. Word is that is will be released on DVD in December. Can't wait. I can already tell that the puppet part will be my favorite.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

It wasn't so bad..

Because I can't let this asshole go, I have discovered a rather disturbing fact. I not only read "Robinson Crusoe," but I read the less successful sequel "The Farther Adventures of Robinson Crusoe." How did I do this? Because the book I stole from my Dad's library was in fact the original and the sequel. And it didn't mention that fact. So when I was bitching on page 190 that he was already off the Island and I still had half the book to go... well, that's the reason. I must have been really, really bad in a past life.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

New to the Zombie Collection

My friends Tanya and Harold bought me these awesome Zombie gifts recently and I wanted to share them and thank them. (share the toys, not Tanya and Harold.) I use my "I Love Zombies" bag that Shoshanah made for me all the time, and no one says anything about it. Do they look at me and go "of course she loves Zombies, no comment needed."? Or does it freak them out? This is Palo Alto after all.

A Brian De Palma Film. Really.

I watched this last night!!!! Thanks to Beer and Burritos for orignally posting this trailer. It is as good as it looks, really it is. I told my husband he would love it but he didn't believe me.

On my Tummy!!

So I watched "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" last night, and then this episode of South Park, which I love for this scene alone. Nothing much to say about "Zach and Miri" except that Elizabeth Banks is a good sport and the film has one very funny scene in it, which makes it a good Netflix rent. I am still trying to wind down from "Robinson Crusoe," hence all the low-brow humor. Oh, I also watched "Phantom of the Paradise" last night, which really deserves its own post. I didn't mean to watch "Phantom of the Paradise," but I just happened upon it, kind of like a car wreck. You don't want to look but can't help it.


I love Rob Zombie but I do not like his films. Yet. Like others, I agree that there is a great horror film perculating inside of Rob Zombie, but he has yet to let it pour out. What? Is it early and I have had only one coffee? I did not like Zombie's "Halloween" reboot, but I appreciate the balls he had to do it in the first place. "H2," as it is called, just looks silly. I like the first few seconds of the trailer, in the hospital, which is a nice homage to the first "Halloween 2," which is a pretty good film all told, but the rest of the trailer looks like a weird, supernatural, freudian mess. But if it is between this and "Saw 5" (or is it 6?), I will take this.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Robbie C.

As I said earlier I finally finished it. And I don't feel proud of myself. I don't feel like I accomplished anything. I don't feel superior. I'm not enlightened. All I know is that I will never have those 3 months back: I have to live now like there is no tomorrow. So I am having a beer.I did learn a lot from RC. I learned that hardcover books cost 79 Cents at a store called "The White House" in 1947 or whenever the hell my dad purchased it. I learned that things like narrative structure did not exist in 1719. And asshole-y men have not really changed much since then. But I digress.

The following is a list of unsavory elements in "Robinson Crusoe:"
Child Murder
Women Murdered
Blatant Racism against:
Chinese People
Russian People
Spanish People
Non-white non-christian People
Catholics (racism against. I don't care that Catholics are in it)
Slave Trading
Sexual Slavery
Cat Killing
Desecration of Religious Icons (non-Christian)
Incest (implied)
Bestiality (not implied but I read between the lines: lots of talk
about goats)

It's like a Marquis de Sade novel! And like Sade, DeFoe rambles on and on. He tells pointless, often repetitious stories just to push whatever agenda he wants. For Sade it was Sadism (how convenient that his name and that name is the same!), for DeFoe it was cultural imperialism. But please don't think I hated the book. It had cannibalism in it! How could I hate that?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Once and Future King..

I did not sleep at all last night. My cat has decided that the most fun thing in the world is to wake mama and dada up at 3am and demand non-stop attention. This has been going on for about a week. We can't lock him out of our bedroom because the door is busted and does not shut all of the way. We have tried blockading the door with heavy objects, but Yao will just use his whole body weight to try and open it. BANG, BANG, BANG... It sounds like Zombies are trying to knock down the door. Then my mind gets reeling and goodbye sleep. We are now bringing the water bottle to bed and spraying him when he starts attacking us. Every night is like a monster movie. Pretty cool! Anyway, everyone should rent "Excalibur." I thought at first it was a comedy because the acting is so over the top, and then I realized it is just very British. It is bloody, sexy, post-apocalyptic, and I cried in the end. Plus, very young versions of Helen Mirren, Liam Neeson, and Gabriel Byrne co-star. By the way, the film is based on "Le Morte d'Arthur", not "The Once and Future King," but same difference.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Nazi Zombies

The first time I watched this trailer it was without the subtitles and I thought it was better! Do you really need to understand the dialogue in a film like this? It has NAZI ZOMBIES in it! And it is an arthouse film. What could be better!

New Horror from Lars Von Trier

Lars von Trier's Antichrist - Official Trailer from Zentropa on Vimeo.
I am not a fan of Lars Von Trier or the "Dogme" movement, but I am a fan of horror and William DaFoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg so I will be seeing "Antichrist" when it finally comes out. Lars Von Trier started out making horror films, and this his return to the genre. This trailer features William Dafoe's naked butt at the end of it, so you might want to watch with caution.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Brave Jen Jen

I am even braver and put "Inside" on my Netflix Que. I am not scared of French New Wave Horror!! I'm not, really.

Drunk Commentary: Cannibal the Musical!

OK, I may have to rent "Cannibal: The Musical" again because the drunk commentary actually looks funnier than the film. By the way, I was very brave and put "Martyrs" on my Netflix que.

Lets build a snowman..

I have a very informative and thrilling post about the film "Excalibur" coming up, but I am too tired to do it tonight! You just have to wait till tommorow God damn it!! In the meantime, here is a funny scene from "Cannibal: The Musical." This scene is really alot more funny taken in context, so I recommend that you rent or buy "Cannibal: The Musical" to experience true enjoyment. PS: I don't know what is up with the subtitles.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Top ten

No one asked me, but since my favorite bloggers are doing it, here are my Top Ten Favorite Movie Characters in No Particular Order Except the First One!
#1 Atticus Finch. Best Movie Father Ever. A shining example of decency, dignity, and compassion. I watch this movie about once a year and cry every time.

#2 Peter (Ken Foree) Dawn of the Dead. I love him because he is a bad-ass, he cooked a nice dinner for the couple and then got the hell out, and at the last minute decided that he would rather fight than die. I would have been heartbroken had he died.

#3 Quint (Robert Shaw) Jaws. I was heartbroken when he died. Plus, his speech about the Indianapolis still gives me chills.

#4 Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) The Wolf Man. Poor bastard. Essentially a good man, you really feel his pain as he becomes a monster.

#5 Henry Frankenstein ( Colin Clive) Frankenstein. I have a weird thing for Colin Clive. Nuff said.

#6 Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn) Young Frankenstein. She is the bitch that you know Elizabeth really is. I love Madeline Kahn.

#7 Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) This is Spinal Tap. Not only does he go to Eleven, you actually feel sorry for the poor guy when his best friend dumps him for a girl.

#8 Captain Renault (Claude Rains) Casablanca. Every character in this film is fantastic, but there is something about his rouge with a heart of gold...

#9 Ana (Ana Torrent) Spirit of the Beehive. My favorite film about childhood, this actress was amazing, even at 5 years old.

#10 Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) No Country for Old Men. If only for the dream he tells his wife about at the end.

I spent a whole hour thinking about this list. I am sure I will wake up a 3am tonight thinking "How could I forget....?" It beats waking up and thinking about Robinson Crusoe. I have about 150 pages left. I am going to try to power it out this week.

Back to the Internets..

I have been without the Internet for almost a week due to technical difficulties. And I have been at my parents house. So sorry all three of my readers had to wait for the fish pictures. This first picture is of Tanya at the Lighthouse in Pacific Grove.
Here are some cute otters.

The penguin in the middle is the one I saw having sex! (With another penguin, not an otter.) He is looking very proud of himself.

Here is a big fish.

Pretty things.

A little Seahorse. I have pretty much forgotten every fish fact I learned, except that Male Seahorses give birth, not the ladies. So if you are ever on Jeopardy now you know. This concludes my super fun trip to Monterey. Regular Horror programming will now continue.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Back from Monterey

Just got back from Monterey and had a great time!!! I have lots of pictures to share and lots of interesting facts about fishies to bore you with, but I can't do it right now. I am dead tired and I just finished eating my weight in BBQ. But here is a picture of me getting fresh with a Sea Otter.
And a picture of me getting fresh with John Steinbeck. I spent the whole weekend kissing inanimate objects. I also saw otters and pequins having sex. It was a strange way to spend the High Holy Day of Zombies.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Breakfast Suprise!

Great news! The first reviews pouring in for the Star Trek re-boot are awesome! (from geeks, not critics.)
Better news! Little did I know when I opened my Frosted Mini-Wheats this morning that there would be a Star Trek Beam-Up Badge in there! I just love Mini-Wheats! Now I love them more! I got the Starfleet Command Badge. They also have a Romulan Badge and Klingon Badge that I desperately want. So that means Mini-Wheats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or, I risk arrest by opening every package at the grocery store.....

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Where wolf?

While at my parents house this weekend my Father and I spent a few hours watching Werewolf films from his Universal Monster's Wolf Man collection. Werewolves have never been my thing, I'm a Zombie gal, but my beloved father loves em, can't get enough of them. He told me while we were watching these that he remembers walking to the Del Mar theatre with his parents to see The Wolf Man when he was 8 years old. That would be in 1943. He said that he always liked the Wolf Man because "he didn't want to be a Monster. He fought and fought and fought, but he couldn't help himself." Of the Big Four Universal Monsters, perhaps the Wolf Man is the most sympathetic. After all, he was bitten trying to save the life of a girl and then he was bludgeoned to death by his own father. Heavy stuff. That is the original Wolf Man. We watched the sequel, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, starring Lon Chaney Jr as Larry Talbot and Bela Lugosi as Frankenstein's Monster. This film takes place 4 years after the original. Some unfortunate grave robbers "resurrect" Larry Talbot from his resting place in a spooky old cemetery in Cardiff (I love me some spooky cemeteries.) Larry remembers who he is, and more importantly WHAT he is, and sets out to destroy himself. Frank meets the Wolf Man is a "Quest for Death" film. "Show me the way to die" Larry asks anyone who will listen. He reunites with Maleva, the gypsy woman from the first film that knows his secret. Maleva knows who could end Talbot's life: Dr Frankenstein!! Off they go to some vaguely familiar foreign village to find the good Doctor. What they find are ruins and a frozen in ice Frankenstein's Monster. Larry thaws out Frank's Monster, meets the Doctors daughter Elsa, endures a horrible musical number by the drunks in the village (I'm serious) and enlists a young Doctor to "reverse" Dr. Frankenstein's experiment to drain the life out of him. Mayhem ensues.

Two things about this film. After watching it I was officially in love with Lon Chaney Jr (real name: Creighton Chaney.) He plays a poor sap like no one's business. And he is so damn likable. You can't help but feel for the big lumbering ox. The other thing about this film is that Bela Lugosi is a TERRIBLE Frankenstein! Thank god he turned down the original film! Of course, he was 60 when he filmed this. Most of the shots were achieved using stunt doubles. All he does is lumber around and growl like a WOLF!! Some think Lugosi's interpretation is brilliant. I have to say NO!

By the way, Chaney is the only actor to portray all of Universal's Big Four Monsters!

The next film we watched was She-Wolf of London (1946). This film has nothing to do with the Chaney films. In fact, it's not even a horror film. It's more like a Hitchcock wannabe suspense film. That doesn't mean its bad, its actually quite good, even though both my Father and I guessed the big secret about 15 minutes into the film. The big distraction for me was June Lockhardt in the main role. She is quite good and very beautiful, but I couldn't quit thinking of "Leave it to Beaver" or whatever damn show she was on. There is also some kind of Lesbian/Fear of Losing one's Virginity/Mother Complex subtext to this film, which I don't feel like getting into now or ever.

Finally! The last film we watched was also the oldest: Werewolf of London from 1935. This film bombed when it was released, which is why it was essentially re-made a few years later with a more sympathetic protagonist. The film begins with a respected Botanist searching for the rare Mariphasa plant in Tibet. I don't speak a word of Tibetan, and I knew they were not speaking the correct language. The "Tibetans" are speaking Cantonese and the lead actor, Henry Hull, is speaking pure gibberish. Anyway, the Botanist (Hull) finds the plant but is bitten by an Asian Man Wolf in the process. He returns to England with his find and the Werewolf on his tail (hee hee, tail.) Hull's Werewolf is a refined wolf, putting on his coat and hat before killing everyone in his path! Things don't end well for him, as you can imagine. Jack Pierce did the make-up for this film which surprised me. Pierce was the Universal Make-up master, doing the make-up for Frankenstein and the Wolf-Man. The make-up job on the Wolf in this film is strange. Just some hairy hands and tufts of hair around the face. Turns out Hull didn't want to sit through the long make-up process and convinced Producers that his performance as the Wolf would better if the audience could see more of his face. Or the Producers thought it would be better. Whatever. That's why Chaney is forever linked to the Wolfman and not Hull.


I have nothing to say about this except that it is awesome! Check out their official site:

I Heart Ron Perlman

I don't know why I want to see this so bad. I am not a huge fan of Sci-Fi, but this looks really good! And it has three of my favorite B minus list actors in it: Ron Perlman, Thomas Jane, and Sean Pertwee! For those who doubt the awesomeness of Sean Pertwee, check out "Dog Soldiers." Speaking of Werewolves, I have a nice long Wolf-Man post planned (I know you are excited, hold on to your pantyhose) but I might not get to it today. It is raining and my left hand has blown up to the size of a football. I was going to try to get the Orange Menace to gnaw it off for me, but he is sleeping right now and can't be bothered.

Friday, April 3, 2009

How He sees the world..

I am loving 30 Rock, especially Kenneth the NBC Page. This is how he sees the world. Everyone is Muppet.
Which beats other ways to see the world. Yes, I see everyone as Marvel Zombies. Off to the magical world of my parents house this weekend! No Internet! Whoopee!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Rodin and stuff..

This is my hand in 5 years. Really, this is what they are going to look like and I am going to walk around on Halloween night scaring little kids!
Actually these are Rodin's hands (not his but he made them.) Except this flesh colored one, that is Howard...

I love how Rodin was obsessed with hands. He thought they told alot about a person. I wonder if he specifically picked models with disfigured hands. These look like RA hands.

Cantor Arts Center at Stanford University has the largest collection of Rodin in the United States. And for the 1st time everything is on display. So Howard and I hightailed it across the street to check it out. It is the first time I have been to the museum and I have only lived here two years! What a good Art Historian I am! This dude is Balzac. Yes, he is meant to look like a penis.

My favorite. I thought this picture came out really well. Jonathan must be rubbing off on me.

The Thinker (wondering how long he would survive in a Zombie Apocalypse.) I felt very smart when I guessed there were about 20 or so casts of The Thinker and I was right! (Lucky Guess.)

I thought this little guy was kind of spooky. He is from the Gates Of Hell, which I couldn't get a good picture of because of all the tourists. I live here, I am not a tourist. Even though I was taking pictures and dressed inappropriately.

Right outside the museum is this sculpture by Andy Goldsworthy entitled Stone River. I love Goldsworthy's work, and it is neat-o to have one across the street. The first date Jonathan and I went on was to see a documentary about Goldsworthy called "Rivers and Tides."

Sorry this post wasn't very scary but I did slip Zombies in there!!!