Halloween III: Season of the Witch-remake THIS Rob Zombie

So everyone is writing like crazy about the original Nightmare on Elm Street series in anticipation of the remake that is coming out this weekend. I recommend you check out excellent articles by The Film Connoiseur and Kindertrauma , both of which present interesting takes on the Krueger mythos.  Because I am lazy and behind on the times, I watched Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which has nothing to do with N.O.E.S.  Halloween III: Season of the Witch really has nothing to do with the other Halloween films either.  It was a bizarro "stand-alone" experiment meant to make the Halloween series into an anthology franchise.  Didn't work, partly because it didn't have that sexy beast Michael Myers in it, and also because it's a pretty shitty movie-even taken on its own.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch was released in 1982.  I remember seeing the poster when I was a little girl and thinking "That looks shitty."  I was right! 

H3 (I am not typing the whole damn thing out every time) begins with an hysterical man running for his life from some men in suits.  He escapes and ends up in the local hospital where he is treated by Dr. Dan Challis, played by the great Tom Atkins. Dr. Challis is an alcoholic who ignores his kids...so of course he is the hero of our story!  The men in suits finds the hysterical man in the hospital and proceed to kill him employing major head trauma. Dr. Challis chases the man in the suit outside only to witness him set himself on fire!  Soon, the man's hot daughter, Ellie, shows up and Dr. Challis decides to blow off work and his family to follow her out to this little town where Ellie's father was before getting killed.

God, even writing that paragraph bored the shit out of me!  It gets better.  The town is the home of "Silver Shamrock," a factory that makes Halloween masks.  Turns out Ellie's father found out something awful about these masks and was about to blow the whistle.  Will Ellie and the Doc uncover the mystery?  Will they get it on? Will this movie make any sense?  Yes on the first two, NO on the second.

There are a couple of great things about this flick.  One is Tom Atkins, although watching him seduce a woman gave me the creeps, I don't know why.  Number Two are the great masks designed by Don Post, which are very integral to the story.  There is no number three.  So much about this movie made no sense.  For instance, what was the point of stealing part of Stonehenge and bringing it to this factory?  And why do you want to kill all the children in the world?  And isn't there an easier way to do it? 

The original Halloween is seen playing on a TV in one scene.  It made me want to turn this movie off and turn on the original.  A lot of people hate H3, and I can see why.  Honestly, I was hoping I would like it, like it was some undiscovered gem unfairly judged by it's association with such a venerated horror cannon.  I was wrong.  Now, if you are brave, watch the commercial for "Silver Shamrock" novelty masks.  Warning: you may wish you were wearing an exploding mask.

The Edge of Horror: Aguirre, the Wrath of God...

OK, I know it is a pretty lame title, but I couldn't think of anything else for this new series of "non-horror" horror films. Plus, it reminds me of that soap "The Edge of Night." Best name for a soap EVER. So for my first edition of "The Edge of Horror" (cue dramatic music here) I am going to take a look at Aguirre: The Wrath of God, starring the completely bat-shit crazy Klaus Kinski as Don Lope de Aguirre, madman Spanish conquistador. For those not familiar with the historical Aguirre, please check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lope_de_Aguirre But be warned: proper citations are needed....


I am in the midst of a full-on Werner Herzog/Klaus Kinski obsession. Don't ask me why, I don't know how I get myself involved in these things. For a full background on this duo's relationship, might I suggest you check out My Best Fiend: Klaus Kinski by Werner Herzog. It is an awesome documentary and it will make your jaw drop in horror at the behaviour of Mr. Kinski. Of course, I am totally obsessed with him now.....

Look at him! He looks all kinds of crazy. His performance as the mad Conquistador is a thing to behold. Aguirre is an egotistical madman, convinced of his own superiority and unwilling to let anyone stand in his way (much like Kinski himself). On a mission to find the legendary "El Dorado," Aguirre stages a mutiny and then leads his ragtag crew down the Amazon on a journey of fear and madness. Along the way they encounter hostile and cannibalistic Indians and face starvation and disease. All the while Aguirre holds on to his delusions and declares himself ruler of all these lands, even though all he has to his name is a capsizing raft and an army of monkeys. The last few scenes look like the painting "The Raft of the Medusa" only with about 100% more monkeys.

Aguirre's Second in Command....

So why do I consider this film to be "On the Edge of Horror?" First of all it is a tale of madness and fear. Aguirre is mad enough to be a leader, and the poor crew are fearful enough to follow him to certain death. Second, the setting is so remote, so foreign, that one does not know what may be peeking out from behind the trees. More often than not, it is hostile Indians, with their short poisonous spears and their more "fashionable" long ones (see the movie to understand this reference.) Third, the film is rather claustrophobic. The majority of the action takes place on a hastily built raft that is slowly falling apart. And finally, Kinski himself is DAMN SCARY!!! He is creepy and projects controlled craziness so well I would have loved to see what he would have done with a role like Hannibal Lecter. Kinski also has piercing, huge, blue eyes. They are the scariest eyes I have ever seen. Of course, blue eyes tend to freak me out anyway. Blue eyes and men who wear turtlenecks are right at the top of my list of irrational fears. If I ever see a picture of Kinski in a turtleneck I might not sleep for a week.

If I haven't convinced you to watch Aguirre: The Wrath of God yet let me leave you with this little nugget. This film features One Of The Best Decapitation scenes I have ever seen. Trust me, it is awesome.