The Crazies

vs.



It's like Christmas come early!!! The original (guess which one) was made in 1973 an was directed by my hero, George A. Romero. The A stands for awesome. I am going to bed now.

I heart Wrong Turn....

Where the hell was I in 2003 when this film came out? It was great! And I am so proud of myself that I correctly guessed who was going to die. The order in which their name appears on the poster is always a pretty good indicator. If you are not featured on the poster: you are going to die. If your name is Jeremy Sisto: you are going to die. Second female lead: die. It is pretty much the same concept that if you do drugs or have sex you are going to die. By the way, the people that do drugs and have sex in this movie die. It's really very straightforward.

And that is why I love this film: it is old school, 70s throwback horror. Four people, lost in the woods, stalked by cannibals. It's as pure as Ivory soap. If you find yourself trapped in a car graveyard: chances are you are going to die.

So Wrong Turn is the story of these 4 youngsters who, believe or not, are not total tools, despite the fact that one of the chicks is wearing her yoga gear on a camping trip. After a car accident and some mysteriously placed barb wire disable both of their cars, the Scooby Gang go off in search of help. By the way, this all takes place in West Virginia. If your car breaks down in West Virginia: you get the idea.

The first house they come to is inhabited by inbred cannibals!!! I really love the inbred cannibal genre. In fact, inbred cannibals rank right up there my other favorite monsters: Zombies. Inbred cannibals ususually have a little bit more personality than Zombies, and they can play a mean banjo. But since I doubt the end of the world will be brought on by the rising of inbred cannibals, I have to go with Zombies as my all time fave. OMG: The Road, which comes out soon and was written by my favorite Author who is not named Poe or Lovecraft, also features inbred cannibals. Really just cannibals, but it's the end of the world and I am sure there is some inbreeding going on. McCarthy just didn't get around to that part.

Back to Wrong Turn. After some nice, tense scenes in the inbred cannibal house of horror (will not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon) we are treated to quite a bit of running around in the woods, a beautiful (I am not shitting you) watchtower scene, and the best tree work since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This movie moves along at a nice, jazzy pace, features characters you care about, has quite a bit of gore (head trauma!) and has a pretty satisfying ending. Unfortunately, I did not dream about inbred cannibals (damn Godzilla/Zombie hybrid reoccurring dream! I am sick of you and you don't make any sense!), but I did cover my eyes during the film and I liked it enough to watch the special features. Watch them if you are a fan of the late, great Stan Winston. It's groovy to see him talk about why he loves horror.

Next up: Wrong Turn 2: The one with Henry Rollins.

Wrong Turn- coming soon...

It was a hard day at work and tonight I am going to relax by watching Wrong Turn, which I have never seen before. There is nothing like inbred cannibals to take the edge off a rough day. Here is the movie description from my Netflix envelope:

License to Drive meets Deliverance when Scott (Desmond Harrington-hot guy

from Dexter) crashes into a carload of three other young people

(Eliza Dushku-hot chick from Buffy, Jeremy Sisto- one of my

horror crushes, and Emmanuelle Chriqui-I don't know who she is).

The foursome is soon lost in the woods of West Virginia,

where they're hunted by three cannibalistic mountain

men who are grossly disfigured via generations of

inbreeding. Should've called AAA!

I love it when they make jokes on Netflix envelopes. Look for what I am sure is going to be a wildly positive review on these here pages soon.

I am just guessing but I bet Emmanuelle Chriqui and Jeremy Sisto die. Just a guess.

Twilight: New Moon- the year's best comedy?

This review by Massawyrm over at "Ain't it cool News" actually makes me WANT to see this flick. Check it out: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43130 This really has potential to be "so bad it's good." I am really AM going to go see it, Monday night with family females. For some reason my Husband does not want to go. Will I be the only Horror Blogger to actually see this? Can't wait for the reviews to start rolling in...

To cleanse my soul after seeing this film which for some reason I cannot name (shame?) I am going to see Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans by the great Werner Herzog. Did you know he ate a shoe? Really, check him out. http://www.wernerherzog.com/main/index.htm

Phantasm II

The nice thing about having the Black Plague is that I am able to catch up on some movie watchin'. Today, after finishing Dexter Season 3 (awesome) I finally watched Phantasm II.

The first Phantasm is a very important film for me. It is one of the first horror films I remember watching. My Mother had dropped me off at some friends of hers for babysitting (or maybe just a visit, the ol' memory is cloudy.) This house I was at was, for lack of a better word, a junk house. By that I mean that they had multiple TV's, stacked on top of each other, and only one worked. Playing on that one was Phantasm. All I remember about the film was the mortuary, the Tall Man, the Silver Sphere, and of course, the finger in yellow goo. I am sure I had nightmares all week. I have no idea what age I was but I know that Angus Scrimm replaced Frankenstein's Monster as my go-to boogieman.

Years later, as an adult and with my own working and non-working TV's, I watched Phantasm again. Know what? It's a damn good movie! And scary too! I was quite excited to finally get my hands on Phantasm II. Little did I know that I had seen this one before too! I have no specific memory attached to this one, but I do remember the drinking Priest and the really weird sex scene involving Reggie.

After watching Cannibal Holocaust, this film was really a delight. No Penis! Phantasm II picks up where the first film left off. Reggie rescues Mike from the Tall Man, only to see him committed to a mental hospital. Cut to 10 years later. Mike is having dreams about a girl named Liz. He doesn't know her but he knows he must save her. He talks his way out of the hospital and goes in search of Liz and the Tall Man, with good ole Reggie as a sidekick. The duo go from town to town in search of the deadly Mortician. Along the way they pick up a hitchhiker (weird sex scene with Reggie) and rescue Liz. They are soon dodging silver spheres and fighting dwarfs. It's like a perfect movie.

Angus Scrimm as the Tall Man is SCARY!! And he has a habit of popping out of nowhere. Between him, the dwarfs (which are compacted dead people) and the silver spheres, I am guaranteed at least one good nightmare! Which is good, because lately I have been having a strange Godzilla/Zombie combo nightmare. It's not as awesome as it sounds.

Dread

Well, this just looks awful, and not because one of the guys from Twilight is in it. The short story this is based on is from Clive Barker's Books of Blood and I am telling you that NONE of the characters in that story look as douchey as the people in this movie. I don't need to pay money to watch a bunch of quasi-intellectual a-holes trying to be hip by dressing like homeless people grapple with the moral issues of good and evil. I can walk across the street to the Stanford Quad and watch that for free. Sorry, this trailer pissed me off. But I do like the use of the Deftones song.

RIP: Edward Woodward...

If you have never seen it, do yourself a favor and watch the original The Wicker Man. Total awesomeness. Edward Woodward was also The Equalizer- vigilante old man justice at its best.