Where the hell was I in 2003 when this film came out? It was great! And I am so proud of myself that I correctly guessed who was going to die. The order in which their name appears on the poster is always a pretty good indicator. If you are not featured on the poster: you are going to die. If your name is Jeremy Sisto: you are going to die. Second female lead: die. It is pretty much the same concept that if you do drugs or have sex you are going to die. By the way, the people that do drugs and have sex in this movie die. It's really very straightforward.
And that is why I love this film: it is old school, 70s throwback horror. Four people, lost in the woods, stalked by cannibals. It's as pure as Ivory soap. If you find yourself trapped in a car graveyard: chances are you are going to die.
So Wrong Turn is the story of these 4 youngsters who, believe or not, are not total tools, despite the fact that one of the chicks is wearing her yoga gear on a camping trip. After a car accident and some mysteriously placed barb wire disable both of their cars, the Scooby Gang go off in search of help. By the way, this all takes place in West Virginia. If your car breaks down in West Virginia: you get the idea.
The first house they come to is inhabited by inbred cannibals!!! I really love the inbred cannibal genre. In fact, inbred cannibals rank right up there my other favorite monsters: Zombies. Inbred cannibals ususually have a little bit more personality than Zombies, and they can play a mean banjo. But since I doubt the end of the world will be brought on by the rising of inbred cannibals, I have to go with Zombies as my all time fave. OMG: The Road, which comes out soon and was written by my favorite Author who is not named Poe or Lovecraft, also features inbred cannibals. Really just cannibals, but it's the end of the world and I am sure there is some inbreeding going on. McCarthy just didn't get around to that part.
Back to Wrong Turn. After some nice, tense scenes in the inbred cannibal house of horror (will not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon) we are treated to quite a bit of running around in the woods, a beautiful (I am not shitting you) watchtower scene, and the best tree work since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This movie moves along at a nice, jazzy pace, features characters you care about, has quite a bit of gore (head trauma!) and has a pretty satisfying ending. Unfortunately, I did not dream about inbred cannibals (damn Godzilla/Zombie hybrid reoccurring dream! I am sick of you and you don't make any sense!), but I did cover my eyes during the film and I liked it enough to watch the special features. Watch them if you are a fan of the late, great Stan Winston. It's groovy to see him talk about why he loves horror.
Next up: Wrong Turn 2: The one with Henry Rollins.
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