Chuck D's Christmas Ghosts........

I have endeavoured in this Ghostly little book, to raise the Ghost of an Idea, which shall not put my readers out of humour with themselves, with each other, with the season, or with me. May it haunt their houses pleasantly, and no one wish to lay it.

Their faithful Friend and Servant, C.D.
December, 1843.

Does anyone else think that Joel Grey is the scariest ghost here?  I have never seen the Patrick Stewart televised version of "A Christmas Carol."  However, I did see his live one man show because that is the kind of geek that I am.  Everyone has their favorite version of "A Christmas Carol."  Mine, the one that I grew up with, is Scrooge from 1970 starring Albert Finney.   And it is all because of this song:

The Edge of Horror: Aguirre, the Wrath of God...

OK, I know it is a pretty lame title, but I couldn't think of anything else for this new series of "non-horror" horror films. Plus, it reminds me of that soap "The Edge of Night." Best name for a soap EVER. So for my first edition of "The Edge of Horror" (cue dramatic music here) I am going to take a look at Aguirre: The Wrath of God, starring the completely bat-shit crazy Klaus Kinski as Don Lope de Aguirre, madman Spanish conquistador. For those not familiar with the historical Aguirre, please check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lope_de_Aguirre But be warned: proper citations are needed....


I am in the midst of a full-on Werner Herzog/Klaus Kinski obsession. Don't ask me why, I don't know how I get myself involved in these things. For a full background on this duo's relationship, might I suggest you check out My Best Fiend: Klaus Kinski by Werner Herzog. It is an awesome documentary and it will make your jaw drop in horror at the behaviour of Mr. Kinski. Of course, I am totally obsessed with him now.....

Look at him! He looks all kinds of crazy. His performance as the mad Conquistador is a thing to behold. Aguirre is an egotistical madman, convinced of his own superiority and unwilling to let anyone stand in his way (much like Kinski himself). On a mission to find the legendary "El Dorado," Aguirre stages a mutiny and then leads his ragtag crew down the Amazon on a journey of fear and madness. Along the way they encounter hostile and cannibalistic Indians and face starvation and disease. All the while Aguirre holds on to his delusions and declares himself ruler of all these lands, even though all he has to his name is a capsizing raft and an army of monkeys. The last few scenes look like the painting "The Raft of the Medusa" only with about 100% more monkeys.

Aguirre's Second in Command....

So why do I consider this film to be "On the Edge of Horror?" First of all it is a tale of madness and fear. Aguirre is mad enough to be a leader, and the poor crew are fearful enough to follow him to certain death. Second, the setting is so remote, so foreign, that one does not know what may be peeking out from behind the trees. More often than not, it is hostile Indians, with their short poisonous spears and their more "fashionable" long ones (see the movie to understand this reference.) Third, the film is rather claustrophobic. The majority of the action takes place on a hastily built raft that is slowly falling apart. And finally, Kinski himself is DAMN SCARY!!! He is creepy and projects controlled craziness so well I would have loved to see what he would have done with a role like Hannibal Lecter. Kinski also has piercing, huge, blue eyes. They are the scariest eyes I have ever seen. Of course, blue eyes tend to freak me out anyway. Blue eyes and men who wear turtlenecks are right at the top of my list of irrational fears. If I ever see a picture of Kinski in a turtleneck I might not sleep for a week.

If I haven't convinced you to watch Aguirre: The Wrath of God yet let me leave you with this little nugget. This film features One Of The Best Decapitation scenes I have ever seen. Trust me, it is awesome.

Happy Hanukkah-Eli Roth edition...

Found this video of horror hottie Eli Roth playing "Jew or not a Jew" on TMZ (a guilty pleasure.) The multiple videos go on for about 20 minutes, but it is worth a watch if you are a Roth fan (I am) or you just have time to kill and have ever wondered if Daniel Day-Lewis was Jewish.

The Original Wolfman

Normally I would do my "vs." thing here, but since I have already posted The Wolfman trailer a couple of times I thought I would just go old school today. As I love Zombies, my Father loves The Wolfman. So I grew up with Werewolves, and Chaney's remains my favorite. Chaney's Larry Talbot is a poor schmuck who can't catch a break. First of all, he has to wonder how Claude Rains could possibly be his father (his mother must have been an amazon or something) and then, he gets bit by a gypsy who happens to be a werewolf. Unable to live with what he has become he begins a quest for death. This is like tragic Opera. This would actually make a pretty damn good Opera. Opera folks, you can thank me later for the idea.

Lon Chaney Jr. was a perfect choice to play the Wolfman. Larry Talbot is a bit of a lumbering oaf with sad eyes that you can't help but feel sorry for. Anytime I see Chaney in a film I can't help but think of his signature role. Lets hope that Benicio Del Toro (who I think is pretty awesome) can fill these very big shoes....

Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright

The Wolfman: Rated R!

I really, really want The Wolfman to be good. There is hope: Universal announced that the film received an "R" rating. Meaning there must be quite a bit of my three favorite things in the film: "bloody horror, violence, and gore." This means one of two things. Either Universal has some balls and they are not going to cut the film to try to get the more "family friendly" PG-13 rating (almost all horror films with this rating suck, with a few exceptions- more on that at another time.) Or, as rumored, this "cursed" film is so bad they are they are just going to throw it out there with the R and see who bites. Director change, Composer change, shitty CGI effects, re-shoots, 18 month delay: this film has had a lot of problems. Working in the film's favor is a really good trailer- I watched it multiple times and got little horror goosebumps. Here is is again for your viewing pleasure.....

Kiss of the Vampire 1963

I saw this flick about a week ago and I have put off writing about it. Why you ask? Because I didn't like it- and I hate admitting I didn't like a Hammer Film Production. I LOVE Hammer films. The atmosphere, the costumes, the ridiculously beautiful women, Lee and Cushing: what is not to like? But Kiss of the Vampire is a rare misfire. Yes, the classic Hammer Gothic atmosphere is there (I want my apartment to like a Hammer castle: it is getting there), and the women are ridiculously beautiful, but something is missing. I know what it is: a compelling storyline. Kiss of the Vampire is about newlyweds Gerald and Marianne who are honeymooning in Bavaria (Hawaii too bourgeoisie?) Their "motor coach" breaks down and they are forced to spend a few nights in the village "Grand Hotel" until they can procure fuel (this is set early 20th I think.) While they await salvation they are invited to dinner by Dr. Ravna, the most exalted member of this small community. While attending the dinner, Marianne (the beautiful Jennifer Daniel) seems to fall under a spell. Later we learn that Dr. Ravna is the leader of a Vampire Cult (think "Heaven's Gate) and he has decided that Marianne is to be his new recruit. Poor Gerald is left in the dust until he recruits the local crazy, Professor Zimmer, a Van Helsing stand-in, to help him win back his blushing bride. Spoiler Alert: in the end all of the Vampires are killed by bats (ironic.) Snooze: the end. This is the first Hammer film that I actually was bored watching. Maybe I was just missing Christopher Lee (horror crush.) Maybe I was just so stressed out by my new job I couldn't enjoy it (which doesn't compute because horror is a stress relief for me.) Whatever the case: Pass on Kiss of the Vampire. Goodnight.

RIP Paul Naschy

I have been so preoccupied this week (started a new job and am still in the "feeling like a moron" stage) that I didn't know until today that the great Paul Naschy had passed away. I don't know much about Naschy but he was top of my list to learn more about. I have only seen one of his films, Vengeance of the Zombies from 1972. It was quite freaky-deaky so of course I loved it. Look for more on Naschy in the weeks to come. In the meantime, check out this great site: http://www.naschy.com/mainpage.html for all things Naschy.