The Abominable Dr. Phibes

"The Abominable Dr. Phibes," an AIP Picture from 1971, stars the AWESOME Vincent Price and my 1940s crush Joseph Cotton in a sick tale of revenge, madness, and art-deco terror.

Look how cool this picture is! I want this wallpapered all over my room. How can I convince my husband that this is a good idea?

Ok, Phibes. Vincent Price stars as Dr. Phibes, Organist and Doctor (what?) driven mad by the premature death of his beautiful wife and the subsequent car crash that burned his face and destroyed his vocal cords (huh?) He has to talk and drink champagne (which he does with his beautiful but mute assistant Vulnavia) through his neck. Phibes has vowed revenge on the Nine Doctors who were operating on his wife when she died (Nine? Really? What hell kind of operation was she having?) Since this is Vincent Price revenge equals horrible, agonizing, way too elaborate deaths. There is some nonsense about how his murders parallel the Plagues of Egypt, but I don't remember anyone getting killed by a catapulted Golden Unicorn in the Bible. But then again, I didn't read the Bible very closely so maybe it is there. Anyway, this movie is so awesome that someone gets killed by a catapulted Golden Unicorn! Someone also gets their head crushed to death by a Frog mask, and another person gets eaten to death by locusts!! Really, it only takes about 10 locusts to completely take the skin off your face in under 5 hours. I had no idea.

This film (which has a awesome soundtrack by the way,) influenced everything from "Seven" to "Silence of the Lambs" to "Saw." Phibes in an evil genius along the lines of Lecter and John Doe, and some of the deaths and traps are worse than anything in the "Saw" franchise (eaten to death by 10 locusts!!) I am off to watch the sequel right now and eat some chili. That way I will be up all night with heartburn and I won't have nightmares about embalming myself alive (that happens in this movie too! How great is that!)

I forgot to mention that the Anthony Hopkins looking guy from "The Vault of Horror" is in this as well (his name is Terry-Thomas) and again he dies horribly!! And he didn't even really do anything wrong! Poor bastard.